My trauma? Idk
Hi everyone
I don't feel safe enough to share the whole story in here and I don't know when will that happen. I'm scared and worried.. I'm sorry
If I'm too bad or rude or anything with you I apologize.. I know that everyone hates me..
I just did one of the worst mistakes and now I'm so scared for myself... I couldn't sleep at all and now I'm all tired and anxious.. I need to punish myself for what I did
NOBODY F***ING UNDERSTANDS NOBODY. IM ALONE IN ALL THESE.. AMD EITHER ILL LEAVE ALONE OR I HARM MYSELF
edited by dancingRainbow45 to comply with rules on posting
IM F***ING USELESS AND I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING
edited by dancingRainbow45 to comply with rules on posting
@sensitiveShade5337
you remind me a lot of my friend. a couple months ago, he was cutting with a pair of scissors, and now writes to me how much he feels guilty for not wanting to tell his mom how hes feeling. he's been starving himself, and is weighing only 102 pounds.
but this post reminds me of him, as he tells me about how he always [edited by KristenHR for language] up and doesnt deserve anything. and each time he says that, i tell him it isnt true. and almost everytime, he denies it. this isnt just for shade, but also people who want to help others. if they dont belive it, dont give up on telling them that they do deserve whatever it is. shade, i can guarantee that you deserve everything. we're all here to help you belive that. just like my friend, who doesnt deny it anymore.
IM IN A F***ING PAIN AMD IM F***ING TRYING TO EXPRESS MY F***ING FEELINGS AND I CANT EVEN DO THAT. I DONT F**ING UNDERSTAND WHATS WRONG WITH F**ING MUSIC I HEAR 😡😡
edited by dancingRainbow45 to comply with rules on posting
@sensitiveShade5337
you remind me a lot of my friend. a couple months ago, he was cutting with a pair of scissors, and now writes to me how much he feels guilty for not wanting to tell his mom how hes feeling. he's been starving himself, and is weighing only 102 pounds.
but this post reminds me of him, as he tells me about how he always f*cks up and doesnt deserve anything. and each time he says that, i tell him it isnt true. and almost everytime, he denies it. this isnt just for shade, but also people who want to help others. if they dont belive it, dont give up on telling them that they do deserve whatever it is. shade, i can guarantee that you deserve everything. we're all here to help you belive that. just like my friend, who doesnt deny it anymore.
NOBODY GIVES A F**K
YEAH IM F++NG ANGRY AND YEAH IM FUCKING ALONE. I HAVE NO ONE TO F++ING TALK AND IM GETYOMG AGITATED.
I F**ING DESERVE THE WORST CAUSE IM F***ING BAD AND HORRIBLE.
TELL ME TO KI** MYSELD AND ILL F***ING DO IT. CAUSE IM JUST WORTHLESS
edited by dancingRainbow45 to comply to rules on posting
Hey Shade, youve been expressing some pretty strong and negative thoughts and feelings on here for a while. Sorry Ive not spotted them until now. But you know, its a new year. How about this idea? Amongst those thoughts and beliefs of what you feel you cant do, how about thinking of something you can? It probably wont change much straight away, but it opens up a mindset of hope and control. Because you are in control of your life, you are in control of your future. So how are you going to use that control?
So, for example, you write earlier in this thread that others are better than you and youre useless. For what its worth, I dont believe that for one minute. Were all of equal worth, all have strengths, all have needs. So how about reframing that statement. Rather than saying others are better than you and youre useless, how about ‘others have different skills to me. I wish I could do (whatever) the way they do. But then again, I did (whatever) really well earlier. And before you say you cant do anything, STOP, THINK. Did you get yourself out of bed this morning? Did you fix your own breakfast? Did you run your own bath? Did you style your hair? There are things you can do. You function daily in this hectic world. You express yourself on social media. You interact with others. You are a capable young person Shade. So for the new year, can you start noticing that?
@DeborahUK
I can try 😭😭
it's hard not to think that people hate me 😞😞😞
@sensitiveShade5337
Take care! I believe you can go true this.
Hi!
I know that this will make cry but I have to anounce that big thing I am planning to do. I will be leaving the site for a few months cause firstly i want to challenge myself and secondly I want to start making myself more important.
As i said on yesterdays check in; Im really thoughtful and I'm really trying to find the point in my life that small sparkle that will let me live life, that will let me find what's important in this life.
I appreciate every effort and each one of you for being here and supporting me even when the days were very hard. I don't think I ever got this much love and support from anyone.
I'm really grateful for everything I got from here and everything I learnt from you all. You are all an inspiration to me!
I'm not sure which day exactly I will be leaving but hopefully i will come back more mature and with big improvements!
Thank you all for being a part of my journey in here and I will see you very soon!
Tagging some of the people that would be interested to see;
@BeeLeigh @dancingRainbow45 @agreeableKite4304 @melliotm @inventiveOrange1 @DeborahUK @Raveninthelabrynth @Softforesthsp77 @Hoxenos @Compassionatelistener108 @Waterlily16 @rozie @KristenHr @wizeakre
PS Reposting again cause it got deleted...seems like forum sucks...
Hello friends. In my case I suffer many different traumas and it would be very complicated to make entire list of this things... but... my main issue is that some very old traumas are killing me very slowly and successfully. I realize it and it's something really scary because it's really feel like a very old story is still here with me quite alive and I can't do anything about it. So helpless situation. Bad past is making bad my present and it's really so sad. I need to do sonething about it if I want to have any future.
