My Story
I'm not sure what to say here. How little say, how much to say. My story is a nightmare. A nightmare that some simply dismiss as fiction because it's too much. People tell me that "most people couldn't handle what I've been through". To me this says that I should give up because I can't handle it either.
My early years were surrounded by abuse physical, verbal and sexual. We didn't do love, hugs are compassion in the house I grew up in. I was molested by a family friend from 5-13. At 13 I discovered I was pregnant and had an abortion. That decision still haunts me today. I escaped the situation by moving in with a 27 year old man. I eventually married him. When I realized he was a pedophile it was too late. I had no one else in my life and I was stuck. At 19 I finally escaped his grasp. My life reached a point of semi stability. I was then in a major accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury, among other things. My partner at the time could not handle the situation and left. Alone, hurting and depressed I spiraled through life for many years. I finally started to make some progress and move forward. Then in March I was assaulted by 3 men in the park. Any progress I made came crashing down. I've been fighting for a reason to keep on ever since.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sever Anxiety and Sever Depression. The nightmares, flashbacks and unexplainable feelings I get are more than I can bare. I know that nobody can fix it. I can't fix it. I've tried. I only wish there was some hope to hold on to. Some reason to believe that I won't be stuck in this dark pit forever. There's so much more to this story, but I won't get into it.
I'm sorry if this is too much information. I'm not sure what else to do at this point. Thank you for reading.
@practicalIdeal2007 - That's a really beautiful way of thinking about it, and you're absolutely right. I would also add to that that when another candle is lit, it doesn't diminish the flame from the first one, it just creates more. I think that hope, kindness, and love are like that, too - I often hear people say things like "I don't want to take kindness away from someone else" or "someone else deserves love more than I do", but like the flame, showing kindness or love or finding hope with one person doesn't mean there is less to go around.
