My Diary

Anyone else going to the Three Days Grace, Five Finger Death Punch, Fire From the Gods, and Bad Wolves concert on Saturday? I am so excited!!

Five Finger Death Punch - Lift Me Up (lyrics)

NOTE: THIS DOES CONTAIN PROFANITY. I like it, but IDK about other people on this website.

It ain't no mystery
I'm all I have left
I'm pushing back running you over

I've been thrown down,
Run around
Beaten 'til I hit the ground
I'm telling you right now that it's over

There's no room for mistakes
All the parts are in place
Say what you will but say it to my face

Better back the fuck up
Better shut the fuck up
I'll do what I want
And I'll never give up

I won't be broken
I won't be tortured
I won't be beaten down

I have the answer
I can take the pressure
I will turn it all around

Lift me up above this
The flames and the ashes
Lift me up and help me to fly away

Lift me up above this
The broken, the empty
Lift me up and help me to fly away

I'm gonna change history
Enlighten the world
Teach 'em how to see through my eyes
I'm gonna lash back check that fate as a heart attack
Stomp out all the ugliest lies

You can't convince me to change
We ain't on the same page
I've had my fill
There's nothing but rage

Best get out of my way 'cause there's nothing to say
Is that all you got because I ain't got all day

I won't be broken
I won't be tortured
I won't be beaten down

I have the answer
I can take the pressure
I will turn it all around

Lift me up above this
The flames and the ashes
Lift me up and help me to fly away

Lift me up above this
The broken, the empty
Lift me up and help me to fly away

I won't be broken
I won't be tortured
I won't be beaten down

I have the answer
I can take the pressure
I will turn it all around

Lift me up above this
The flames and the ashes
Lift me up and help me to fly away

Lift me up above this
The broken, the empty
Lift me up and help me to fly away

Lift me up to fly away
Lift me up to fly away
Lift me up

Five Finger Death Punch - Coming Down

It's caving in around me
What I thought was solid ground
I tried to look the other way
But I couldn't turn around
It's okay for you to hate me
For all the things I've done
I've made a few mistakes
But I'm not the only one

Step away from the ledge
I'm coming down

I could never be
What you want me to
You pulled me under
To save yourself
(Save yourself)
You will never see
What's inside of me
I pulled you under
Just to save myself

Was there ever any question
On how much I could take?
You kept feeding me your bullshit
Hoping I would break
Is there anybody out there?
Is there anyone who cares?
Is there anybody listening?
Will they hear my final prayers?

Step away from the ledge
I'm coming down

I could never be
What you want me to
You pulled me under
To save yourself
(Save yourself)
You will never see
What's inside of me
I pulled you under
Just to save myself
(Save myself)

It's caving in around me
(Caving in)
It's tearing me apart
(Tearing me)
It's all coming down around me
(Coming down)
Does anyone, anyone care at all?

I will never be
What you want me to
You pull me under
I pull you under

I could never be
What you want me to
You pulled me under
To save yourself
(Save yourself)
You will never see
What's inside of me
I pulled you under
Just to save myself

NOTE ABOUT THIS SONG: This musical suicide note was released as the third single from American Capitalist. The song was Five Finger Death Punchs thirteenth single overall.
Ivan Moody sings on the chorus, Step away from the ledge. Im coming down. The band partnered with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in conjunction with the singles release. Part of their promotion, which is aimed at awareness about suicide prevention among FFDPs fans, involves the songs music video, which concludes with a call to action alongside the lifelines national phone number. The music video may be towards teen suicide. This is a truely beautiful thing.

I have begun to draw, sometimes in bright colors, sometimes in black, around my scars. Both the visible and others that people don't see. This is around my physical scars. I want people to relaize that each scar tells a story. I want others to see this. I want them to know, what I went through. I want them to know, my scars show that I went through a proverbial hell and survived. They mean I am strong. But I also want them to see, that I am going to have moments where I am weak and vunerable. It also shows that I have made peace with my skin being so mared. That I have embraced it.

People don't realize that your mind can scar too. It hurts even worse than the ones on your skin. Skin heals. You mind never fully recovers.

On Saturday night at the concert I went to, Tommy Vext the singer for bad wolves, mentioned mental illness. He also saif that people who come from bad families, that don't consider the others their family, can be apart of theirs. They call it the wolf pack. I wonder if I can join (abusive family).

He also mentioned that he is a sucide attempt survivor. This really struck home with me because I am a survivor of multiple sucide attempts.

It's 3 AM

And I can't sleep...

to those who know me here and outside here:

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I am sorry that you all had to meet me. I know that I am clingy and weird. I just wanted to fit in. I was scared that you would all leave me. Almost everyone does. No one should have ever had to have been around me. I am a useless, worthless waste of space. I am just a burden to all who meet me. My own family doesn't want me. Why would anyone else? I am sorry.

@nonethewiser and @mytwistedsoul

Thank yall for the support. Thank you for being here for me. I am sorry that yall saw that. Thank you both for caring.