I'm just... Tired

I'm honestly at the point of enough, you know?

I've been moving forward constantly since I can remember... Constantly improving myself, bandaging the wounded parts of me without stopping, patching what needs to be patched but no rest...

I'm held together with duct tape and Elmer's glue at this point. I've expressed to my therapists, my psychiatrist and my doctor how tired I am and how done I want this to be... Not just this pandemic, but patching myself up on the fly to continue to move forward. I get reassured that I'm not alone, I know I'm not alone, that's not my problem... I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Every single thing I've planned for myself yo relax has been destroyed in one aspect or another. Self care is no longer helping as much as it used to...

I'm tired of screaming and asking for help from the people who say they're listening and are there to help but aren't, even when you spell it out clearly.

I'm tired of having to put $5 in my emotional gas tank, drive down the road a bit and have to push myself to the next station while every single warning light goes off and the tires are flat.

I'm tired of pills after pills, side effect after side effect. I don't know who I am anymore... I lost myself in all of this

... I'm so tired