Im free? [Trigger Warning]

Hi, I'm Ro :)

A lot of big things are suddenly changing in my life and I'm not sure how to handle them. I thought making this diary thread would help me a lot, because I can express my feelings and maybe get some advice from you lovely people :)

So, I'll start with why I'm actually in this trauma community. When I was 12, I was abducted, tortured and raped. I was being bullied really bad at the time, and on that certain day, I found myself skipping class and wandering the school hallways in a dissociated kind of daze from being so sad and also hit in the head with a coatpeg. I walked past these big window/doors that lead to the front yard and carpark, and a man walked up looking worried about me. He got my attention and started talking to me. He seemed to care about me and his positivity made me feel a little better. Then he asked if I wanted to go on a walk with him and keep having this talk and I said yes. After 5mins of walking and talking, his grip on my shoulder tightened as we walked closer to an abandoned or just un-loved-looking house. Forced me into the house and you know what happened from there.

Omg this is harder than I thought it would be to write down. I noticed a gun in a slightly open draw. This TERRIFIED me but in the end, it was what saved my life. The man went away to roll a cigarette im guessing. I wasn't restrained, he probably thought that a little kid wouldn't be able or want to move after being tortured in the way he did to me, but I was an intelligent kid and in complete survival mode at that point. I remembered how I had been tought to shoot a rifle and a pistol in scouts, I dove for the gun, turned the safety off, went around the corner and shot 3 or 4 ish times and hit the man in the arm. Thank god it was loaded or I would probably be dead now.

All of this happened during a maximum of 6 hours (that was the length of a normal school day. I am not sure of the timespan yet.) When I escaped, I saw a few kids in uniforms hanging around so thought school had finished and went straight to where my mum was meant to pick me up. She said I was late and noticed I was soaking wet from the rain (I had an umberella in my bag but I didnt want to use it, I just wanted to feel the rain, feel something nice again) but she never noticed the bruises.

Its now been 5 years and I am about to turn 17. Ive only just started working through this and goddamn I wish I had told my mum earlier, then it would have all been over quicky and I wouldnt be in this mess. Anyways, I appologise if any of this doesn't make sense, I can't bring myself to read through it and edit.

- Ro