Imaginatively named diary
Of all the words, theres lots of them
The worst word I could name
In all the English language
Without a doubt its shame
It ties you down, it suffocates
It clips your wings of flight
It sucks the air right out your lungs
And robs the room of light
And worst of all, it wont let go
It digs its claws in you
It seeps into your every thought
And everything you do
And even though I hear it said
Its not my shame to hold
It feels like so much part of me
Its mine until Im old
I wish that as a child Id not
Accepted it as me
I wish Id fought, I wish Id won
I wish I could be free
No one ever asked how I felt
Like my thoughts never mattered
It left me empty, scared, confused
Self esteem just shattered
No one ever asked how I was
Did life treat me alright
How could they fail to see the truth
There lived a child in fright
No one ever asked what went on
My spirit lost for good
The light went out behind my eyes
Yet no one understood
Was I ever worth caring about
When much was robbed and gone
Daughter, sister, little girl
Or was I just no one?
I called him the runt of the litter
I called him a girl and a she
I bullied him just like his father
Thats why my brother raped me
You proved youre a man then my brother
I deserved what I got in your view
You walked away with your conscience so clean
Whilst Im filthy all the way through
Why does a father have children
When he just wants to tear them apart
What does he think he can give them
As a sadist who
Carefree, younger me
Be anything I want to be
Bad dad, makes son feel sad
Takes all the self esteem he had
Silly me, calls brother ‘she
But notes it fills her dad with glee
I try to please, I laugh and tease
But theres no fun in jokes like these
Dad now calls the boy the runt
Sisters just a silly cunt
Its time for her to bear the brunt
The consequence of this affront
He does the deed, fulfils his need
Ignored the words she used to plead
Is he proud he made her bleed
Or that he plants his filthy seed
Silent, angry, shocked and raw
No one cared, no one saw
So now shes lost her silly game
She knows that she must take the blame
Punishment becomes the aim
And now begins her life of shame
Carefree, younger me
No longer free
Imagine what its like to be
Living with my liberty
With self respect and dignity
To not be an apology
Theres one thing I can guarantee
Id make the most of being free
Please someone grant me this one plea
Let me be new and not be me
