Continue to Heal
It has been a long while since I last posted. Done a lot of therapy and worked through a lot of issues. Looking back it is amazing how far I have come, looking ahead - that is probably always the scary and hard part as nothing in the future is ever predictable.
The hard and scary work of healing is worth it. It is never easy and I have had to be brutally honest with myself, push myself, bribe myself, yet I can still get scared. But I want you to know that life feels better with help even after trauma, PTSD, anxiety, etc. For me it will always be there, but I also know I am able to put in the work and with help I can get through the dark days.
you are loved, you are safe, you are not alone
@TrineT
Sorry you are feeling this way. It is awesome that you have a good therapist and that they are helping you heal. If you ever need to chat please let me know.
Work is incredible stressful and holds a lot of triggers for me. Together with my therapist we have talked and practiced a lot of situations and that has helped me a lot in my work. Now when I go to work it can still be incredible stressful but as long as I feel in control I can handle it. I really do believe it is due to all the practice with my therapist. I have also started applying for school, though I still find it a bit challenging to keep focused when reading and studying. I find that a lot has improved and I am feeling more hopeful and I feel more confident in the journey to healing. If you feel unsure if you can do it - have no doubt - you can do it because you and your life is worth it. My advise is to get someone to help and guide you through it, someone you are willing to give your trust to (which I know is incredible difficult and it made me feel so uncertain and scared in the beginning but little by little I saw and learned I truly could trust this person).
Hugs to you that are just starting on this path to seek help and healing - you are brave and awesome.
Spending a lot of time studying for an exam and at times of stress have to remind myself that I am OK, I can do it, and I am smart enough. When I get overwhelmed it is easy to start down the path of self-doubt and negative feelings, which will have a negative impact on learning abilities. I am not great at it yet, but I practice spending a few moments every so often just thinking good thoughts and boost self-esteem. During a test or tough study times I find that it is helpful to take those 30 sec and just concentrate on breathing and positive thinking - it allows me to focus again for a while.
Hope this is helpful to anyone else
so much I need to do - but can't do it all
I should be proud that I accomplished one important goal today - but instead I let everything else overwhelm me and I feel guilty over the list of things I did not get done.
I am so great at denial in other areas, why not in this area.
What list? I don't remember anything else that should be done. Right on target!!! :)
So today I am determined I am going to make a small difference - and in the end all the little differences are going to add up - and it will be a HUGE change.
