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Childhood abuse - trigger warning

BestIcanbe December 5th, 2019

My older brother raped me when I was 11. I buried it for years, and have only really faced the trauma of it over the past three years. Its now 39 years since it happened. Id really like to speak with people who have endured something similar. Its so very complex, the emotions, the loyalty, the pretence, the fear of the impact on the wider family, the anger, the hatred...all in equal measure, all fluctuating. I think it must be very hard to understand unless youve been there.

Im not really looking for a shoulder to cry on....Im largely beyond that. Its dealing with the aftermath that I really want to explore. I spoke to my brother six months ago about his actions and the effect on me. Hes denied it. Its knowing where to go from here. How to face another family Christmas with ‘the elephant in the room.

Can anyone identify with any of this? How have you coped?

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adventurousBranch3786 December 6th, 2019

@BestIcanbe Yes I can identify. But I don't see my brother or speak with him at all. Do you feel like you want to continue a relationship with him?

20 replies
adventurousBranch3786 December 6th, 2019

@adventurousBranch3786 I was thinking about your question about how to deal with family with "the elephant in the room", with my family it didn't go very well. I don't know if it would be helpful for you but I would tell you about it if you are interested.

19 replies
BestIcanbe OP December 7th, 2019

@adventurousBranch3786

Id love to know more about your situation. Its just so public talking about things on the forum isnt it? I didnt think to see if you were a listener so we could at least have a private conversation. Or are members now able to privately message one another? Its been a while since I was last on here, so just catching up with all the changes.

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Gildedbutterfly11 December 9th, 2019

Hey @BestIcanbe

Hey @BestIcanbe would you like to chat I can relate and feel I can help if I you want to talk privately you can message my listener account (which is the handle on this message) and I can share some things with you about my own life etc. Hope to chat soon and I hope you're doing ok today. Thank you for sharing this post it just have taken a lot to do so with something so personal and sensitive experience to be open about. Sending much love and admiration 🙏🏼😊

Trinity63 December 10th, 2019

I to was sexually abused by my brother and it started when I was 9. I'm 56 now and I thought I was over it but his daughter just recently had a daughter herself, making him a Grandfather and I'm just sick to death. I have a large family and I've told some of them what happened to me and my sisters in hopes it would protect the our nieces. But honestly I don't know if those people believed us! My sisters and I don't do family gatherings with the brothers who sexually abused us since our Mother passed away ten years ago. But the rest of the family still gets together with a the nieces and nephews. Is it time they know the truth so this never happens again? What if it never happened again and my telling his daughter ruins the perfect world she thought she had? What if I say nothing and he does do it again? I'd never be able to forgive myself! But it's for that exact same reason that I told his wife a long, long time ago what he did to me so she could protect her daughter! But her reaction was minimal and she never mentioned it again. We don't know if our brother convinced her we were lying or what. I'm so mentally exhausted over this, I don't know what to do!! I promise once I'm pass this I'll be so helpful to everyone else, I want to be there for you guys!!

3 replies
BestIcanbe OP December 10th, 2019

@Trinity63

I so feel for you on this.

And the effects just ripple on for so long afterwards dont they?

Its so hard to know what to do for the best. So many what ifs.

1 reply
Trinity63 December 11th, 2019

@BestIcanbe

You know I've been thinking about all the turmoil everyone posting has gone through and is going through and it makes me so upset to think that these men aren't, not most of them anyway. The holidays were a very big ordeal in my family, polished silverware and the whole nine yards. So lots of parties with elephants and when my Mom passed it was so hard to say goodbye to her but at the same time there was a freedom I had never felt before! Never pretending to like those sick depraved men ever again!!

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adventurousBranch3786 December 11th, 2019

@Trinity63 I think that what you talk about wanting to protect other family members is a noble thing.

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adventurousBranch3786 December 14th, 2019

Hi, Has anyone ever considered family therapy? I never tried this but someone sugested it to me. Also I was told about therapy for gaining skills to cope with the family situation (even if you decide not to disclose what happened).