Blurry and Dark Past (Trigger warning)
Trigger warning - memories of past sexual abuse
I'm in a terrible mood today already so maybe this may help a bit. I know I was sexually abused as a child. However my memory is full of black holes that often leave me with more questions than answers. I feel as if I've been passed around a bit due to the different people in these events. It wasn't just one person.
There is one event I've always remembered most of until it goes blank. It involves my now deceased aunt. She was staying with us for a few days. I loved to sing at the time. At the oldest I was 7. Could've been younger. Not sure. My parents hated my constant singing but she said I had a beautiful voice.
That night she went to bed earlier than everyone else. She kept trying to coerce me into staying in the room and singing to her. For some reason I didn't want to and left. When it came my bed time I had to sleep in the same room with her. It had 2 beds but she insisted that I ask my parents if I could sleep in the bed with her. I was confused but complied. They said okay not thinking anything of it. When I laid down beside her she seemed to hold me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. Something felt very wrong. She began to touch me and somehow I felt very ashamed and there's no nice way to say this...but my body responded to it. For some reason I didn't understand. I even remember lifting up my shirt. Then it all goes blank.
It's haunted me for years.