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unassumingSummer6022
2,490 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 183 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts281 Forum upvotes215 Current upvotes215 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2018 Member sinceMay 29, 2017
Recent forum posts
A Place to Let it Out When I Need to...
Trauma Support / by unassumingSummer6022
Last post
 February 20th, 2018
...See more Okay...today started out okay. Not very motivated. I've been stressed a lot and very agitated. A lot of stress eating. Now I feel like a whale. Growing up my mother absolutely tormented me about my weight. Two or more days a week, probably every week throughout my childhood and much of my adult life before she died. Even more of a mind screw was the fact that I was rarely overweight at all. I remember being about 12 and wearing shorts. Every time I would wear them she'd tell me how "chubby" my legs were. Every. Time. She'd tell me how I was getting a big ass or a stomach before I even finished puberty. Needless to say I rarely wear shorts to this day. She'd tell me how my teeth were yellow and crooked but never take me to the dentist unless I had a cavity that I was literally crying from. When I hit puberty and had acne she and my father did nothing about it. My face was completely covered in large cysts. Finally when I went to the doctor with an unrelated illness, he kindly took pity on my condition and pointed out the severity of my condition to my mother. He then prescribed some meds for me. Otherwise I was screwed. She loved to point out my flaws, or how I wasn't as skinny, pretty, or as clean as my friends. I once scrubbed myself for 2 hours in a tub full of bubble bath in order to wash my "dirty look" away. When I finished, I told my mother how long I cleaned myself only to be laughed at and told that I didn't clean under my eyes because I had dark circles.
Answers***Trigger Warning***
Trauma Support / by unassumingSummer6022
Last post
 October 18th, 2017
...See more (Warning sexual abuse topic) So my husband was alone with my father over last weekend and my dad just came right out and asked him about 2 (aunt and uncle) relatives in my family. He asked hubby if I ever said anything about them abusing me. See, my golden child sister knows about what happened and I think she told my father. So in turn hubby questioned him about things and he said that he for sure believes it did happen. Both people in question are dead now. I personally think there could be others but I don't know for sure. Dad said he was very suspicious due to their "off" behavior when they were around me and he questioned my mother multiple times over the matter. Each time, she became furious and would completely freak out and not want to talk about it, only deflect. Back then, dad worked 6 to 7 days a week and was a heavy drinker when he was around, which he now says he regrets. When hubby told him what happened to me, he said he wish he would have pressed the matter much further and been more of a father. Mom was very neglectful and would leave me around those very questionable people quite often when she'd visit my grandmother. Dad said she'd be acting very strange and defensive when she'd return. Of course, mom has passed too... Anyway, it did give me a bit of validation hearing this from him of all people. It's unsettling, but it's giving me some closure. There's many more details I've found out, but that's all I feel like saying for now.
Blurry and Dark Past (Trigger warning)
Trauma Support / by unassumingSummer6022
Last post
 September 20th, 2017
...See more Trigger warning - memories of past sexual abuse I'm in a terrible mood today already so maybe this may help a bit. I know I was sexually abused as a child. However my memory is full of black holes that often leave me with more questions than answers. I feel as if I've been passed around a bit due to the different people in these events. It wasn't just one person. There is one event I've always remembered most of until it goes blank. It involves my now deceased aunt. She was staying with us for a few days. I loved to sing at the time. At the oldest I was 7. Could've been younger. Not sure. My parents hated my constant singing but she said I had a beautiful voice. That night she went to bed earlier than everyone else. She kept trying to coerce me into staying in the room and singing to her. For some reason I didn't want to and left. When it came my bed time I had to sleep in the same room with her. It had 2 beds but she insisted that I ask my parents if I could sleep in the bed with her. I was confused but complied. They said okay not thinking anything of it. When I laid down beside her she seemed to hold me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. Something felt very wrong. She began to touch me and somehow I felt very ashamed and there's no nice way to say this...but my body responded to it. For some reason I didn't understand. I even remember lifting up my shirt. Then it all goes blank. It's haunted me for years.
Family Stress
Trauma Support / by unassumingSummer6022
Last post
 August 2nd, 2017
...See more Okay...whew... I'm not one to do this often but I've been suffering a lot lately. Basically long story short my childhood was full of abuse - physical, mental, and even sexual (some I remember vividly, some I think I've blocked out). I do now believe that my sister, who was the golden child growing up, is now a full blown narcissist. She was always more spoiled and demanding than I was ever allowed to be, but in recent years I believe she's completely turned on me at times. Basically this is the pattern. She starts out by giving me gifts and treating me very well. She then begins to have these life problems and tries to seek my advice constantly. If I offer advice she rarely takes it. Often downright refuses any help. Just wants me to dump emotional garbage on I guess... If I seem to disagree or go out of line with her motives I suffer for it. She's been very verbally abusive at times. She loves to manipulate. I feel as if I have to walk on egg shells around her constantly. Over time it has drained me ( on top of a pile of other problems). I've tried very limited contact but now she's saying we don't spend enough time together even though I usually see her every week. She gets my father to drop her off quite unexpected all the time no matter what my plans are. She will do anything to get her way. She's now making up blatant lies on fb and threatening self harm constantly. Yet she refuses professional help...It's all keeping me on edge. Ugh...
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