this is things that I do to cope but I can't not feel ashamed..
TW: SA AND CHILD ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND ABANDONING OF A INFANT
Look i'm a 16 y/o who carries around a stuffed animal giraffe named "PeanutButter" he is my best friend but recently I've began to question my self on what/why I do this.. I do have VERY early childhood trauma, I had SA happen to me due to my horrible bio father (he is no longer in my life and won't be until I want to speak with him) and I was abandon until my grandmother Ethel (may she rest in peace love you grandma <3) found me and took me in. but back to my main point, I get looked at ALL the time because its "weird" to see a boy carry around a plushie at 16 but I need him to keep me calm and I keep my abandonment issues In check.. I have a huge abandonment issue its something I fear I can't be alone for long (thanks "DAD") but if I have him or another plushie I prefer him tho I feel calm and like I'm safe.. I have had emotional abuse from my feelings being belittled so many times before.. plus he will always listen and not judge (Thats a perk lol) but he's one of the first things I want when I'm scared and it helps he was the first thing I was able to hold after I was let of of the mental hospital (over 3 years ago now) but he comes with me..
but my question is why? why do I do this? I feel weird and sometimes ashamed of it.. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I just want some possible reasons or answers
sorry for this being kinda me just ranting but thanks for reading 💗
this is him btw
he says thanks for reading this