She's Still There book

TW: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many different Traumas/Raw emotions 

This is a continuation from the other post. Let us begin shall we 🤗. Also if you would like to answer the questions for yourself, please do so 💖.

Chapter 2: Full blow Ugly Cry (You are okay) 

This chapter had me coming to acceptance that what I was taught about crying was false. I was taught at a young age that was for the weak and those that are in quotes "crybabies". I have come to learn that crying is healthy, normal, natural and can be very therapeutic to the soul. 

Reflections:

Remember: "Where are you today is not where you have to be forever."- Chrystal Hurst 

Reflect:

1. When was the last time you let an ugly cry? What caused this? 

- I can recall many, but I will go over one. The cause of this heart shattering cry was when after my past ex and I broke up. A friend of mine was scrolling through social site. An I guess he must have forgotten I have some friends that do care about me and my daughter's well-being. An she screenshotted, showing me that he was already with someone else. All I remember from that moment was grabbing my chest, falling to my knees because I lost balance. An just scream cried that one cry many only do when the love they once felt for someone is completely tarnished and washed away from the agony of the truth. 

2. What difficulties are you facing that you feel buried underneath? 

- Currently the only problem I am having is seeing his name pop up after a 1 and a half of not seeing it in so long on my social site. I still am working through the not giving him any true power over me anymore and living my life happily without him in it. 

3. Even if there is some darkness in your life right now, there is always light if you will just look for it. What is one thing in your life that is right? 

- The light in my life is my daughter, she has seen me at my worst and continues to see me going through this growth. Seeing her smile makes everything disappear and I am able to breathe easier knowing that she loves me, as well as my fiancé and his parents, they have been my biggest supporters 🥰. As well as, myself because I have seen what the dark trenches look like for myself and now I am able to be at peace with knowing I am doing the right steps towards a better future for myself, daughter and fiancé.

Respond: Go to your bathroom or pull a mirror out of your belongings. Tell yourself you are okay and smile. Force the smile if you have to.

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of different abuses/Raw emotions 

Continuation post 🤗. Let's get into it shall we 🥰. If you wish to answer the questions yourself, please do so💖. 

Chapter 3: Get Out of The Middle of The Road ( Own your story) 

This chapter reminded me of the occasion of when I would continue to do things even when I was hurt, and visibly hurt I may add. There has been numerous moments where I had put my own mental aside and would continue to over extend myself even if it was detrimental to myself emotionally/physically or even spiritually. It also brought out the feelings/emotions that I have been keeping down from when I was SA'ed by my daughter's bio and I just kept fighting for peace within the same place I became broken within. Which I have also come to learn that you can not heal in the places that broke you and even things like over extending have limits. 

Reflections: 

Remember: "Owning your story is an act of strength."- Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. Are you comfortable owning your story? Why or why not? 

- Yes, I'm comfortable with owning to my story, down to the ugly bits and the good parts. 

2. Is your life measuring up to your expectations? Why or why not? 

- In some ways yes, because I became a mom of amazing toddler that is spunky and wild. An such a joy to be around, and I am breathing everyday. No in some ways, because I went through more abuse and traumas then I should've. I took things from people I did not deserve to deal and I have said things to some that should not have been said, because I was reacting from their actions. 

3. In what ways have you been hurt or disappointed? Have you healed from those hurts and disappointments? Why or why not? 

- I have had many moments of being hurt, including being disappointment. Too many to even really specify on to be completely honest. I have for the most part, I have released a lot of the guilt and shame I was made to feel for being hurt and disappointment in what others' have done towards. I have been able to navigate through healing and recovery, because I have a great support system then what I used too. 

Respond: Take time to heal. As you continue to read, own your story. Over the next 7 seven days, spend a few minutes each day writing down defining movements in your life's story. 

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many different Abuses/Raw emotions. 

Another continuation post 🤗. An a brief back story on why I decided to share this with you all, I wanted to share more of my personal growth with you all 🤗. Please don't be hesitate to join in and answer the questions for yourself as well 💖. 

Chapter 4: Good Girl...His Girl (A Chapter from My Story)

This chapter really had me thinking back to when I had my first encounter with a person liking me. I had no interested in anyone in those stages of life because I was more into my academics. It had me realize that I only bared interest once I established connection with someone because I was lacking connection emotionally at home with my parents. Due to their emotional neglect, and their complete disregard of my mental health. They cared too much for my physical though causing me eating disorder, dysmorphia because I always thought I was too big or severely over weight, in reality I was a naturally healthy weight. The lack of true genuine connection, empathy, and lack of structure which caused me to confide in people that did not have the best intentions for me at the time I thought they did, but growing older I realized they did not. So when I moved out with my at the time boyfriend, they wanted to act shocked, especially my mom pretending like I never conveyed my emotional distress, instead she lied through her teeth and watched me as I got dehumanized by my father and told, "Once you leave this house you better not comeback". 

Reflections: 

Remember: "The trip through your own narrative is a trip worth making."-Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. After hearing some of my story , identify at least one drift in your life. What role did your feelings play in your drifting experience?

- If I can recall one drifting experience, it was the fact that my parents were emotionally and mentally neglectful towards me. So the drifting was confiding in friends that were toxic in many different ways. As well as my emotions playing the role of the passive, submissible person that I was at the time. 

2. When did this drift happen? Why did it occur? 

- This drift happened when I was in middle school to early years of high school. An it occurred because I had no true trust in my parents. I had a father that was a raging alcoholic that was ptsd ridden and refused the help for it. As well as him trying to impede on me getting the help i need, trying to make my mom stop taking me to a professional or telling me I wasn't allowed to seek the help. He would do anything to stop it. My mom was severely emotionally unavailable, and she also had a really bad habit of telling everyone my business that I would come to her in confidence about. 

3. Are you in a drift? If you aren't sure, ask a friend? 

- No I am not in a drift, and I asked a friend anyway just what would be said from her perspective. She told me that I wasn't drifting and she noticed I was being more assertive about putting my little family first, and that she was proud of me for doing so. 

Respond: Take the next step. Be brave enough to be vulnerable. Share a chapter from your story with a trusted friend. If you are ready for this level of honesty, simply tell a friend that you are working on owning your story- drifts and all. Ask them to support you through this time

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many forms of Abuse/Raw emotions 

Continuation post/update💖. 

Chapter 5: Hershey and on the Highway ( The Anatomy of a Drift) 

This chapter opened my eyes to a lot of moments where I pushed through to do things out of my own pure stubbornness and slight resilience. It made me confess to myself that there is a right way to be stubborn and a wrong way to be stubborn. An often times when I would use my resilience, it would be tarnished by the fact that everyone would misrepresent it calling it "stubborn" when there is a huge difference between the both. I can fully admit that I was stubborn in a lot of unhealthy ways, which leads back to how I was raised by to unwelcoming parents. As I have grown older, a lot of those traits have since been squashed and never rehashed. The only thing left is my new found respect of my resilience that has been unwavering due to situations. 

Reflections: 

Remember: "You, my dear, have the ability to choose."-Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1.What are some distractions that are preventing you from living fully aware?

- I have not had any recently ever since I moved into my own apartment with my fiancé. We have both been healing individually and also healing as a unit. Therefore, there is nothing to distract myself from having self-respect and love for myself, as well as my child. The most important thing to me currently is filling my own cup, while filling my daughters and my fiancé's. Recently, I have learned to only mind the matters of those that care and fill the cups that fill yours in return. 

2. How have you rationalized staying in a drift? 

-If I would have found this book during the drift I was in, I would have rationalized it with "I guess it was meant to happen that way" or under reacting severely to the pain the event had just caused me.

3. Are you desensitized? What used to bother you that no longer notice? 

- Since we are being openly honest about my emotions, I used to be desensitized while living with my parents, it was the only way I was able to survive. Why I say this is because I used to be heavily bullied by my father for being the empathetic person that I am today. Which is why I used to think having empathy, being sensitive to those around me, and showing emotion was weak an very wrong. I released a lot of that pain awhile ago, therefore the only thing that I no longer notice are the ones that are not meant for my life nor energy. 

4. What decisions have you made that have resulted in a consequences you are living with now?

- I can think of one right now that was completely on me, I was learning boundaries. Meanwhile, I was also suffering from terrible post partum/depression and grieving because I recently lost a friend that had passed away during my pregnancy with my toddler. Well I was mean to my ex friend, not on purpose but thing the gravity of what she was telling me was far to great for me to handle and because I am a sensitive person I was taking her pain as my own and carrying it. Now should I have explained that better with my words, of course I should have and when I realized I had hurt her the damage was done and she walked away. However, she was also in the wrong because she had lied to me about it being okay after I apologized the first time and she had known what I was dealing with and before she even started with telling me, I had expressed to her with a heavy boundary that I could not handle anything serious or sensitive because my brain could not handle it. Not that I did not want to hear it but it was not a good time for me and she told me anyway. Now does that excuse what I said and how I said it no of course not, but it gives insight on how it was the both of us and not just me as she proclaims and tries to throw blame.

Respond: Write this affirmation down somewhere where you will see it and see it often: 

" I'm still here. The higher being is not finished with me yet." 

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many abuses/Raw emotions 

This is the continuation of the journey that I have been undergoing with the book, "She is still there". Please feel free to join in, if you wish too 🤗

Chapter 6: An Episode from Adolescence ( You are a Soul) 

This Chapter reminded me of when I first started my period, while the author was at home. I was at school, unfortunately wearing white pants. The period was everywhere it look like I was rolling around a container of red paint, because it was tie dyed all over my pants. Thankfully, I had a jacket and was able to cover myself, but that did not stop the boys from laughing and snickering at me. I started to question my very existence and determine if I was even a real human. Fortunately for me it was early dismissal, and I was able to get home immediately showering, but within those minutes. I began to ponder on questions that I did somewhat knew the answers too. It was quite the embarrassing moment for me, so I became afraid of what might happen next. If people were so quick to bully me over a natural movement what was next. 

Reflections: 

Remember: "You don't have a soul; you are a soul- a uniquely and divinely created one at that."- Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. How have you been tempted to devalue the uniqueness of your soul?

- There has been plenty of times, honestly if we are being real here. I was always told that I was either too sensitive, too nice, too loving and dumb for always giving people benefit of the doubt. For awhile, I almost believed in those that lost sight of the bigger picture and only worried about the small fragments. Once I realized that those people were devaluing themselves and wanted me to blindly join into that, I released myself from those people and continued to be the authentic me that I was meant to be.

2. What keeps you from believing in your value?

- I used to not believe in it, but now I do especially after realizing that self-projection is a real thing that people do to those like me that have huge hearts and love with their all. 

3. Do you struggle with being patient with yourself? Why or why not?

- I used too struggle with that, but as I got older and through time I realized that healing/ recovering from the amount of traumas I have been through is linear and not a straightforward line, it takes time. I know I have things I still have to work through, but I can for sure say that I have gotten better because others' have recognized and brought it to my attention. 

Respond: Write your name down in the blank: 

- I am (name here), and I'm uniquely and divinely created soul. 

Now write that statement somewhere you will see it often.

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many traumas/Raw emotions/Pregnancy/Miscarriages

This is a part 2 of the book have been reading continuation post, so far reading this book has really helped highlight a lot of moments of suppressed and hidden feelings I didn't realize that I still had. Best decision ever 💕

Chapter 7: Double lines Blue ( Chronicles of Collison) 

This chapter hit home for me when I found out at the E.R that I was pregnant with my daughter, I never had any luck with home tests and any pregnancy I had before I would always miscarry whether due to overwhelming stress or my body was just not accepting it. Sitting on that table, looking at that greyish white screen seeing a tiny little blimpy of flesh, made my heart skip beats. I started to panic, I was scared because her bio was already giving red flags. He was excited at first, and so ready but all of that was short lived. He started to become really abusive mentally/emotionally and Psychologically. I was depleting in front of him and he held no remorse on it, it was always my fault. However I wont stand here and say I was perfect, because I wasn't due to the hormonal changes, physical and emotional changes I was undergoing each day. Not to mention being high risk was also a very draining factor. She was the last of the covid era of babies that were coming through, so all of the hard news I had to hear alone, an I would pass along to her bio without no shred of remorse he would say some harshly mean things or disregard my doctors for my well-being. Constantly compared to his sister with her pregnancy. When my daughter was born I was the main one taking care of her, he was of no help because when he wasn't working, he was sleeping till late hours and then playing on the computer till late hours then going to bed, there was no compromise/quality time. I stopped asking of him to bond with her, and started to reach out to family for support and friends that were still around, I started to create my own life with/without him in the picture. He would get jealous and try to have me hide my body after having the baby so I could not dress in a simple tank top an yoga pants just to go to the park. Granted, i should not have been snappy but I had enough of his double standards. Eventually I left, moving on to someone else (too fast and I should not have). 

Reflections: 

Remember: "You are loved."- Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. As you were reading, what collision came to mind? 

- The first collision that popped up was when my daughter's bio was getting jealous of me no longer partaking in his disrespect/dehumanizing tactics, so he used my daughter as a weapon to cause a reaction out of me. So I went to get her and the cops were called on me, after being told I couldn't take her, he told the cops after I left that "I didn't care for her" and tried to hold temporary custody papers over my head and I quote from his words, "In case you do something stupid I don't like." After him doing that I wasn't able to have any type of relationship with anyone because I was scared of him back then. I became a recluse out of literal fear, so I just maintained bonding with my child and sticking to myself. After doing all of that he would also accuse me of harming our child, which once again false. I got to the point, I stopped engaging in communication because he would then turn around an try to hold a conversation with me after just sitting there and degrading me. 

2. What consequences are you facing from your past decisions? How have you been impacted by the decisions of others? 

- The only thing I faced was being a single mother for awhile, having no social life for that while and keeping to myself. As well as having a mental break down, then finally deciding enough was enough, pulling myself out of it and continuing to move forward. I was not going to let him get to me anymore when he would be in and out every 6 months close to a year so I blocked him. I was impacted severely, because I was mentally/emotionally gone because I was being constantly disrespected by him before he was blocked. His now current partner tried to get into our business, which is none of her business at all and tried to victim blame me for speaking my truth, so I blocked her too. 

3. No matter how bad things may be, nothing changes the fact that you are loved. Commit to rehearing that idea until it sinks in.

Respond: Assemble your own list of verses that remind you of your value in Higher Being's eyes. 

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks about many forms of Traumas/Pregnancy/Raw emotions 

Continuation post 💎.

Chapter 8: Precious Cargo (Carry your contents carefully)

This chapter reminded me of when I was pregnant with my toddler and I became very alert of the surroundings an things around me. At first, I will admit that I wasn't alert because of the fact that I was over tired and doing things that I shouldn't have been doing at the amount of weeks of pregnancy I was in, as well as being high risk. Those of you that don't know what High Risk is, I will explain briefly and sparing the gory details. High Risk when a woman has anything wrong like a medical condition that makes her pregnancy complex, a uterus that is in medically known as "hostile", and so on so forth. In my case, my daughter was hovering over my cervix, causing a bunch of issues, and other issues that I thank the higher being for having a healthy baby after everything I had heard alone. While I was going to ob/gyn appointments, my mid wife turned too me and said," A man that is ready to be a father doesn't have to be reminded all the time that you need assistance, you are growing a tiny human within you, those changes are already scary enough. You do not need to be with someone that can not do what needs to be done. You and that sweet baby should come first." . Even if she never sees this, I want to say to her thank you for lighting the fire within my core, my appreciation can not be expressed in words. 

Reflection: 

Remember: "You, my friend, are carrying precious cargo." -Chrystal Hurst 

Reflection: 

1.Have you been living alertly, responsibly, and fully aware? If so, How do you know? If not, why do you think that is?

- As of recently now for the past i wanna say 2 years, I have been living alertly, responsibly and very aware. I say this because after having my mental break down, people living my life, and other people kicking me down while I was down. I realized that it was time for change, so i stepped back from everyone and everything, moved in with my grandparents. Worked on my bond with my daughter and the bond within myself. I dropped those that only used me for a bank account and only wanted certain things from me. An I know that I have made tremendous changes, because I have had people lately stop me and tell me, at first I didn't even realize it myself till I noticed alot of people were telling me and noticing it for themselves. 

2.Do you think you have been a good steward for your life thus far? Why or why not?

- At first, I will admit and be honest an say that I wasn't from the early years of childhood to last stages of teenage years, because I was not properly guided by my parents to pave a successful path. As an adult, I can for sure say that I am now, I wont allow the mistreatment of myself, boundaries, or my child to happen. My love, heart and soul are sacred, so friendships, some family members and even my fiancé has noticed that I have been evolving even more, and wants me to succeed in life. He wants me to do what I wanna do, just while loving me and being with me.

3.Do you struggle with loving yourself based on the love the Higher being has for you? Why or why not? 

- Not as of these past few years now, I have been very good with the self - love, self- appreciation, and self- respect. As well as the higher being has blessed me with a very loving fiancé, a job, an apartment with him, and a daycare for my daughter to attend ✨. Blessings really do come in small sizes and I can not wait for the other blessings 🌟

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks about many Traumas/Raw emotions 

Continuation Post💖

Chapter 9: Gain Perspective (Look and Listen) 

This chapter reminded me of all the times I lost sight of myself choosing other people's happiness instead of choosing myself. An why I say this because even with my own parents abusing me in their own ways, I would still allow them to silence me in a way because after so long of dealing with it , I would stare numbingly at them both. Of course, they would take as attitude and ground me for it for months on end, because I was not providing them with a false they were wanting. Now I wont sit here and say that I was a perfect child, that would lying. I made mistakes and would also hold myself accountable for the actions. When I started listening to the inner voice, I was grounded even longer for defending myself and would hardly have a life outside of my room. It would anger my father especially that I would turn the grounding into a positive by reading more books, researching more stuff, studying harder than I was before or practicing my drawing skills. For awhile, I was able to do that till he would get so uptight about it take that away from me. It would be to the point that I would only be allowed to sit silence or clean. He had thing issue with people finding joy in the negative, so he would take away the joy to produce more negative since he was a negative thinking person. He wanted me to be too, my mom started to follow that terrible habit and do the same thing. 

Reflections: 

Remember: " Discover, develop and deploy the gifts in you." - Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. What parts of yourself have you forgotten, walked away from, dismissed, or devalued? 

- The parts of myself that I had left behind was the traumatize side of me, the side of me that was always having mental break downs from holding everything in due to the emotional neglect from both parents. I dismissed it because it was no longer relevant to me, especially looking at myself now and how I was back then it was very necessary. I used to devalue myself because of the past I had, but then come to find out that the past does not define me, an holds no value over me. 

2. Are you acting on the gifts, abilities, interests, and nature you are aware of? Why or why not? 

- I'm acting on them now more so than ever, because I enjoy being a host for sessions, drawing/practicing my art so I can be a tattoo artist eventually, as well as being spiritual, paying homage to the higher beings and doing tarot/oracle reading for myself an others' if they ask. 

3. Why do you think we tend to avoid making time to look at our lives? Why is it important to do so? 

- We as humans tend to want to look towards distractions, rather than looking inward and into our own inner worlds, because a lot of the times it is too painful to remember or reflect back on. What most of us have forgotten that yes it may hurt but that is how you know you are developing truth growth from it because you are allowing yourself to feel the emotions/feelings. The biggest reason why it is important to look at yourself and your interworld is because you attract how you feel about yourself or think how you feel about yourself. 

Respond: Take some time to think about - and even document - the higher beings given gifts inside of you. Ask friends or family members to tell you what they see in you. Often other people who know us can see thing in us we don't see in ourselves. 

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many abuses/Raw emotions 

I know it's been awhile from posting things, needed a bit of a break to process everything that I was bringing to the surface. So far so good, and my fiancé is still very loving an supportive of me.

Chapter 10: Wake up and drive (Participate in the process) 

I'm not going to lie this chapter brought out a lot of suppressed memories and feelings that I didn't even think I had. Honestly, There has been so many times (countless) in fact that I have put myself including my desires, wants and needs to the back burner for others'. An it actually made sense as to why I was always so ready to people please and because that is how my parents conditioned me. Especially my own mom, because she would place my father above me and sister's own happiness an safety. Everything i learned about love came from them and clearly it was all wrong, I am happy to say I squashed all of those traits and have been living happier/healthier for it. Granted I do have some stuff to work on still but as the amazing Chrystal hurst said "You can still be a master piece and a work in progress." 

Reflection: "Staying awake to your life requires your participation."-Chrystal Hurst 

Reflection: 

1. One a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the care that you give your body?

-Honestly right now a 6.5, There is still room for improvement and I know I can do so much better

2. In what specific ways can you do a better job of caring for your self?

- i can make more time for the gym, make more time for dieting and healthier foods, more time for self care aka decompressing from work so it does not leak on my family. As well as be more consistent with facial care for my acne.

3. Is the spirit of the higher being operating in your life?How do you know?

- I believe that the higher being is operating in my life because there is many things that I have been spared from, saved from and blessed with that I didn't even think possible. I know by the way it has aligned with the prayers and affirmations that I have spoken. 

4. What do you do to invite the Higher being into your life? How do you connect with their perspective and power?

- I invite the higher being in by connecting through my oracle/tarot cards. An I am able to see the perceptive they have laid out before me and embracing the power given within. To be quite honest, I am still very grateful for the blessings that I have received. 

Respond: Identify two habits you would like to to be more consistent in-one spiritual and one physical. Ask someone who loves you to hold you account to doing so. 

Body: eat more healthier and invite the gym into my life to stay 

Spirit: Speak more Affirmations/Stay consistent with my oracle readings. 

Tw: Healing/Recovery/Talks of many abuses/Raw emotions

Chapter 11: Follow the Yellow Crumb Road ( You don't have to know everything) 

This chapter reminded me of how everything was going out of whack for me a couple years back and how everything was falling apart. I even fell apart from the abuses I was enduring, it took me a moment to realize that it was all lessons, and I had learned my lessons from it. Hence all the blessings and opportunities I have been receiving. Chrystal Hurst spoke about a moment in her childhood that she tried to break up a fight between two girls on the playground. I had two moments like this, one was with these two girls (one tall) and the other (about average). The taller girl got jealous because I was hanging with the about average girl a lot more than she used to be, ( I don't know what happened between them) but she was angry at me and held a lot of resentment towards me, none of which I caused because I barely knew her like that, she never spoke to me before. Well we were all lined up to go to the park outside, and the about average one came to me upset so of course I consoled her and told her "everything was going to be okay". Apparently this upset the tall one, and she came towards us, looked at me with such hatred and pushed me to the ground hard. She then said "learn how to mind your own business." I was certainly confused because i never said anything about anyone's business let alone knew about it. The other occasion was with two guys in 5th grade, one was (taller) and the other (my height). My friend was the one that was my height, we had a lot of common interest that the taller one and I didn't. As my friend and I were walking, the taller guy came from behind and pushed him to the ground, beating him up ruthlessly. Honestly I was scared so I made a distance for myself to get away from it. My friend was pleading for the taller one to stop, and the taller one kept going. So, I walked back with haste and pushed him off my friend, he stared at me bewildered, then started to bully me. I did this so my friend could make his escape from underneath him. The taller one kept calling me names and trying to close in on me. I stood up to him and he walked away muttering. 

Remember: "You may not know everything there is to know, but you don't have to!"-Chrystal Hurst

Reflect: 

1. What crumbs has the higher being placed in you based on your design?

- From those two situations, I dealt with as a mere child the crumb that was left for me is that I am a very caring, compassionate, and sweet person. An if someone is getting hurt, I will stand up to the person hurting the other and let them leave. I suppose that was a crumb of showing my resilience and strength.

2. What crumbs has the higher being given you in their words? Are you following them?

- I can say I am following to the best of my ability to follow I have my moments of weakness.

3. What crumbs has the higher being allowed in your experiences? What information do they give you?

- When my life was spiraling and I lost myself for a bit, I heard this voice keeping saying "Patient love is coming". Now I didn't know where from and when, but I listened to it everyday. I stayed focused on myself, bettering my mental health for my sake and daughter's sake, creating a stronger bond between us both as well as staying away from those that were using my kindness as a weakness in any way, shape or form. The information given to me during that time was things were going to be difficult, but I had my daughter to care for and love on. She gave me the strength I needed to move forward, I learned it was okay to mentally break down, cry, and talk about the abuses I went through. An while staying with my grandparents for almost a year, that love the higher being was vocalizing came in the form of a loving fiancé, that has support every step of mine and cherishes every moment with me and my daughter.

Respond: " Name one small step you can take based on the crumbs you notice in you, around you and, or in Higher being's words." 

- The step I can officially make is falling in to flow of the love I am receiving from my fiancé, and stop blaming myself for the reactions people have pulled out me/used against me and the abuses the have done to me.