@YourCaringConfidant
You actually perfectly described it!
I now am aware of the situation. I even know what steps to take but it's terrifying. It's like I want to put my head back in the sand but now that I'm finally aware I just can't do it.
Also it's been pretty tough for me because bad things kept happening back to back to me.
I have no supportive family, no friends, live alone, my work situation is complicated and I mostly work from home so I am extremely isolated. I go to bars to feel less lonely but it barely helps. This summer I got retraumatized. I barely started to feel better and now new upstairs neighbors moved in and they are making my life horrible. They have 2 kids that scream and shout all the time. I am already very dysregulated and it is making me feel constantly on edge.
I am afraid I am about to lose it.
So many things have been piling up.
I am so distressed that I am desperately trying to make sense out of all these misfortunes happening to me. Not being able to pinpoint a reason for my struggles makes me even more desperate.
I just wish I knew WHY am I going through all of this. Does god hate me? Is he even real? Is all that just random and I have a terrible luck?
Gosh, I am so lost and I have so many unanswered questions.
How much I wish I had a supportive family. It could have changed my world.
I wouldn't even had cptsd and depression if I had a normal loving family.