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Vector5
14 933 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts231 Forum posts75 Forum upvotes193 Current upvotes193 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceAugust 26, 2024
Recent forum posts
Need encouragement
General Support / by Vector5
Last post
 9 hours ago
...See more I'm in a pretty tough situation right now. I'l tired of always having my own back. How I wish someone was there by my side to help me. But I don't have this luxury. It's just so tough.  And if I don't show up for myself, nobody will.  I am sick and tired of trying, trying, with no results.  I want things to get better for once. Why is that so many bad things have been happening to me.  I can't help but feel like a victim.  I am terrified my life will never get better.  I tried to follow people's advice, do my best, be strong.  But for now I'm just at a breaking point.  I tried to ask for help anybody that I could. No results.  What do you do in a situation like that? And please stop with the usual, you have to work harder, you don't want to get better hard enough.  I've been through so many hard things and I feel that all my life energy got sucked out of me. I truly don't know how things will get better for me 
Panic
General Support / by Vector5
Last post
 12 hours ago
...See more I might become homeless very soon.  I am terrified. My life is becoming a real life nightmare. How much I just want to wake up and realize it was all a very bad dream. But it's my life. I have no one right now. No family members that can help me, no friends. Only myself. I hope I will still stay around and that things will get better for me.  I need to think quickly and rationally right now but I am under such a pressure my brain just can't properly think.  I just feel like I'm going crazy😭 Maybe I'm crazy after all.  A'ywaus this was all a vent and I don't need any advice. Anyways I doubt something will help. 
Space to talk with @Tinywhisper11
Pen Pals / by Vector5
Last post
 11 hours ago
...See more Hey. It's me schrodinger cat. I couldn't retrieve my old account so I made a new one.  First of all, I am so sorry. I have been a horrible friend to you. I am so upset with myself about it. I never had an exemple on how to be a good friend and I just tried to do what I could, but clearly it was not enough. Also my own issues really prevented me from being a good friend to you. I had too many expectations of you and didn't really think that you're going through your own problems too. I'm so sorry about that.  You've been such a nice friend to me, and I truly valued our friendship.  I would like to give another try to our friendship.  I worked on myself now and I promise I will do my best to be a good friend.
Nobody really cared
General Support / by Vector5
Last post
 October 1st
...See more My parents and whole family were and still are emotionally neglectful. When I was a kid (up until 10 years old) they would show some interest in me. Because I didn't have my own opinion and my own thoughts yet.  But when I became older and started to become my own individual they completely stopped caring about me.  My dad was only giving me money and that's it.  He never supported me emotionally, never hugged, ever even asked me how I was doing.  When I started to have problems with my mental health he forced me to go to psychologists and he desperately wanted to fix me. It hurt more than anything!!! I wanted my dad to be here for me and to talk to me and he was avoiding this responsibility.  To this day, when I feel bad, he tells me he is not a psychologist to talk about me and my problems.  I am so angry at this situation.  How come he even have a kid?  Isn't that the joy of having a kid/kids is to see them grow up as individuals, share moments with them, spend good time together?  I never had this. I just can't wrap my mind around why my parents decided to have a kid in the first place.  I don't really blame my mother. She is coming from an extremely toxic household and was literally brainwashed into thinking her ONYL goal as a woman was to have a kid.  But why my dad decided to be a dad?  I wish I had the answer to this.  I never even asked them to be born and here I am feeling terrible and alone.  I wish I had a close and happy family, where family members support each other.  My family feels like a bunch of  strangers sharing the same place.  I'm glad I'm not living with them anymore but I'm still in so much pain.  The don't even text me to ask me how I'm doing!!!  It just makes me really angry.  All this trauma made me so disgusted in the idea of being a mother.  I just don't want to bring a human to this world to make him feel pain.  I'd rather just don't have kids.  I'm really disappointed in life right now.  I thought there would be more to it.  Maybe there is, but I don't see it yet.  My heart is hurting.  I feel so alone and I actually am alone.  It's really sad to have such a family. It all just feels empty.  If I ever heal from this pain, I really want to help others going through the same thing. 
Frustrated
General Support / by Vector5
Last post
 September 23rd
...See more I'm feeling frustrated because of bad events happening back to back in my life. I am upset that it happened but in the same time I know I can't go back in time to change it.  I just have a lot of negative energy inside of me and I don't know how to channel it.  So far I tried journaling, exercising and venting on forums like cups and it's been a pretty good outlet. It still doesn't feel like enough. It's like this negative energy of pain and hurt is still inside and wants to go out. How do I fully get rid of it?  Will it ever go away or do I have to learn to live with it? 
How do you cope with the fact that it happened?
Trauma Support / by Vector5
Last post
 September 19th
...See more I wish that this event just never happened. I don't know why but my brain is in such a denial mode right now. It feels very tough to accept. But I want to feel better and living in denial won't make me feel better. It's gonna be a lot of work and I'm not sure I'm ready to do it yet. 
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