How do you cope with the fact that it happened?

@Vector5 Hey again. ♡ I just wanted to let you know I believe there's nothing you can't overcome. I believe in you, Vector5. Your brain being in denial is just its way of protecting you from whatever happened. After all, they say denial is a defense mechanism. I'm sorry for whatever trauma or hurt you have gone through. It seems you know that living in denial won't help you. Perhaps you know what needs to be done and you're just scared of taking the first step. But remember, you can do it. You can overcome. Also, remember do things on your own accord and within your own time when you are ready. It takes time to heal on this journey and it's your journey. I hope once your brain and you are ready to take the step that you do. ♡ Best of luck to you! 

@YourCaringConfidant

You actually perfectly described it! 

I now am aware of the situation. I even know what steps to take but it's terrifying. It's like I want to put my head back in the sand but now that I'm finally aware I just can't do it. 

Also it's been pretty tough for me because bad things kept happening back to back to me. 

I have no supportive family, no friends, live alone, my work situation is complicated and I mostly work from home so I am extremely isolated. I go to bars to feel less lonely but it barely helps. This summer I got retraumatized. I barely started to feel better and now new upstairs neighbors moved in and they are making my life horrible. They have 2 kids that scream and shout all the time. I am already very dysregulated and it is making me feel constantly on edge. 

I am afraid I am about to lose it. 

So many things have been piling up. 

I am so distressed that I am desperately trying to make sense out of all these misfortunes happening to me. Not being able to pinpoint a reason for my struggles makes me even more desperate. 

I just wish I knew WHY am I going through all of this. Does god hate me? Is he even real? Is all that just random and I have a terrible luck? 

Gosh, I am so lost and I have so many unanswered questions. 

How much I wish I had a supportive family. It could have changed my world. 

I wouldn't even had cptsd and depression if I had a normal loving family. 

@Vector5 I'm so sorry. Have you ever heard people say "struggles build character"? I have and it's something I believe has truth to. What you may consider misfortunes on your end could end up being the very thing to help you be more resilient as a person. ♡ Resilience is a good thing. Remember you can overcome! Just keep taking it one day at a time. In life, we can't always control the situation. Some things happen beyond our control and sometimes bad things happen, but it's not our fault. I'm happy you have a job you can do from home. As someone who suffers from anxiety, that sounds dreamy. Yes, I'm aware it may not be because of the kids and hearing all the noises. As someone with 2 kids myself, I know how loud they can be. 😆 Hang in there, Vector5. I'm hoping things get better for you. I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the best support system. That's got to be tough... but guess what else is tough? You are!!! ♡ 

@YourCaringConfidant

Thank you so much for your kind words. It put a smile on my face. 

Working from used to be nice until these horrible neighbors came in. I have cptsd and loud noises set off my flight or fight response really bad. I'm just constantly stressed out and hypervigilant. It just makes me mad that some parents think that it's OK to let their kids do whatever they want. 

It's truly tough to do it without a support system but I did find a depression online group that has weekly meetings and it has helped a bit. 

I just wish I had some real friends. I have tried to go on meet ups in my area but the people were pretty shallow and it's been tough to find interesting people to talk to. 

But at least I'm happy I'm trying to do something. I just things would stop accumulate because it's weird how it has been one bad thing after another. And it also happenend after a pretty great period in my life when my cptsd symptoms started to calm down. 

It's like life doesn't want me to relax too much😂 I had a one month break(which is already a lot for my cptsd) and now it's back again. 

I have cptsd for a long time and now I'm more aware of it and how it affects me. I know what activities make it worth and what helps to calm down and this awareness has been so great. 

I also met some really nice people online that gave me good advice and that helped too. 

I wanted to thank you once again for your message. I'm not used to hear kind words addressed to me and every time it happens I just can't believe it😂 

@Vector5 You should be so proud of yourself. You are putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone. The fact that you are trying is amazing progress! I'm extremely proud of you and happy for you. Support is important, and while real life support is ideal, positive support and encouragement is great. Just surround yourself with wholehearted people you can trust. Life is constantly changing, so do people, and our circumstances. What may be now is not always going to be a forever kinda thing. You've been through things and are currently going through some, I believe you need a break and kindness is the least I can do. ♡ Hang in there!