Honors Project: Understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder

@comfortableHorizon21

*Potentially triggering for DID Survivors so please use caution*

If you're diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and feel you're losing your mind, please pay attention. This may help you to get a grip on how you're life really isn't over and it really will all be okay.

Once you're diagnosed as having dissociative identity disorder it can take a while before you eventually come to realize that you're "head of household" in a family full of strangers who all share the same body and mind - yours. You might find yourself asking, "Who are these people? This is crazy...what am I going to do"? Whatever you do, don't look at yourself as being a mere fragment of a person. Every single one of these "strangers" is just a part of you, only magnified and separated from your conscious awareness. Hopefully the following information will help to give you some ideas on how you can begin to take care of yourself, including these pieces of consciousness that make up your mind. By stabilizing your inner system of fragmented memories and feelings - split from your consciousness - you will enable yourself to live a more functional life.

LISTEN

After years of living in pain, there are parts of your mind that may "need to be heard". Sometimes these pieces hold one main emotion that may burrow itself around some past period of your early life. For example, these emotions can be sorrow, shame, or anger. .But they're currently bottled up within hard to reach crevices of your mind. They're hidden where you can't feel them because you weren't quite "awake" when they formed. These deep emotions know nothing of what happened before or after this period of your life, be it having lasted an hour or ten years. So now, no matter how scary and uncomfortable it is, these magnifications need release, even if you're not necessarily consciously present when it happens. It can take crying, screaming, drawing, painting, colloguing, writing, and the use of any other way imaginable to let out the pain. Each part exists behind a veil of suffering, and it's important that you to listen

KEEPING YOURSELF SAFE

Safety is huge. Especially for the parts of you still frozen in stages of your development as early as ages 2 - 12. These are often referred to as "Little's". They are you, only they're you stuck back there, within the context of these things that happened - obviously things too painful for you to handle as a whole. Try to remind yourself when you can that everyone has "parts". That's no big secret. But when you made it through by distancing yourself to the point of blacking out during these periods, there was still a part of you there.

It's rather possible that, in the past, these parts of you knew no safety what so ever, so its important for you to relay the message that things are different now. You need to be reminded that no ones going to hurt you now so that you can heal. Each part of you is in a new home with safe people so you don't have to worry anymore. If you're not in a safe place, it's vital that that changes, or healing cannot begin. You might have all your inner parts practice grounding techniques for times when you get scared and triggered.

Create for yourself and your inner parts a place mentally, where you can go in your mind, when you're scared or hurting - place where you can feel safe. You probably still have quite an imagination. Just do your best…that's all that any of us as humans can really ever do. This place, for example, might be a room where the door can be locked. It just needs to be a safe place for you, within your own mind, where your sense of danger still ruminates. Whatever you feel is best for you - try and be creative. It can help to draw this place…to make it more concrete and real in being able hold it in front of you and really see it.

A DIFFERENT LIFE

You have most likely known nothing but abuse so it's very essential that you be shown that life can be different. Go to an amusement park, play, and celebrate holidays. Given enough positive experiences, your outlook on life will start to change. This change will be an important part of healing for "all of you". By sharing these experiences within your inner system, you're building a new foundation upon which you can grow. None of the above can be done unless there is good communication between you and your inner parts of self. How can this puzzle of different needs be met if there is no way for you to be fully aware what they are?

One basic way of keeping the lines of communication open is by keeping a journal to write back and forth in. This is also a neat way to record your progress. Write as if writing a letter to your mental fragments. When you have dissociative episodes, you may come to find that you've written yourself back from a place that seems foreign… from a different age, with different handwriting, thoughts, and beliefs. Continue writing this way, back and forth.

Probably not right away, but eventually you may be able to develop some internal dialogue with your parts. Many of us who have dissociative identity disorder hear what seem like inner voices. But these are just nothing more than audible thoughts of parts that, being so disconnected, sound like auditory hallucinations. Don't worry; you're not having a psychotic breakdown. Mentally "call out" to them, and respond, mentally, to what they "have to say." See if they answer back. This might sound absurd and ridiculous, but your need to take charge and reconnect somehow. You aren't sharing your body with different people. Your ,memories and emotions are just fragmented and can be integrated through therapy and dedication. But also never lose sight of the fact that such unconscious entities prove that the human mind is an amazing thing.

PATIENCE

The process of healing for you and your parts can be very slow. There is no way to deny this. But always, you ARE making progress. The abuse went on for a long time so unfortunately its not going to heal over night. It's also going to be very hard at times. These are realities for any survivor. There might be times when you won't be very functional, and at those times you need to be patient and know that it won't last forever. Never forget that you're in charge, no matter how much it may seem otherwise. This is your mind, and each alter is part of you. It's your job to enforce behavior and coping skills that are acceptable, and to learn new ways of expressing strong emotions.

LOVE

Love, above all else, is the most important ingredient in healing. Without it your growth will be seriously stunted. Through all the listening, communication, patience, etc. your inner system will come to reconnect within the realization that each part of you — even the angry, bitter, vengeful parts — are lovable, and deserving of love. It's important that you love all angles of yourself equally. Remember that every human being has sides that can be difficult for a reason, and reconnecting with these sides may require extra attention. During your therapy sessions you can allow your therapist to try and communicate with your inner parts if you happen to have a dissociative episode during your session. If you don't have a therapist seek counseling immediately.

Always remember, the more you work with reconnecting with your inner system, the easier it will become. No goal is ever unreachable and no situation is ever hopeless.You're living proof of that.

@comfortableHorizon21

It has been a long held belief that in order to recover from Dissociative Identity Disorder that parts of someones internal system must integrate, integration being a popular goal for many therapists.

However, for some personalities/alter parts unless they wish to become integrated this may never happen. Integration can only really every happen if all the parts want that to happen.

I came across a description a few years ago which put simply described the difference between integration and joining and cooperation. I liked this description a lot and have shared it through the years with those who I felt may welcome it. I am going to write it here, for those of you who would like this for yourselves. Perhaps it would help gain some clarity about what the difference is, and to know there are alternatives to working towards integration. Whatever the end goal, it has to be one that is right for each person who has DID and all the parts.

In cooperation, everybody knows everybody else. Alters watch out for each other and everyone works together for the wellbeing and health of the entire system. Its like holding hands on a large scale. Everyone gets to remain themselves. Nobody "dies". Everybody has a say in the daily activities of life. Everyone gets to have a life of their own within the structure of the entire system. However, in cooperation, the challenges that face anyone who has DID still exists. Just like a large group singletons cannot always agree on everything, the same applies to a system of alters. This can lead to chaos and fighting, perhaps acting out amonst alter parts who feel they are not getting their own way. Cooperation works well when it works, but when it doesn't, it can spell disaster.

Joining is a concept that you dont find in a lot of clinical literature. Joining is a midway point between cooperation and integration. Joining can be compared to a fruitcake. Once the ingredients of a fruitcake are baked, the cherries stay cherries, the raisins stay raisins and nuts stay nuts, yet the whole cake with all its varied parts is considered one whole thing.This concept allows alters to remain themselves, yet can join forces to complete tasks or handle various daily situations. Usually the main person/host/core person is designated to live in the world, with internal input from the rest of their system. They work cooperatively to see that the system functions well, yet are available with their individual talents to handle crises or danger.

Integration, which has remained an ultimate goal for a lot of therapists, can be compared to that of baking a chocolate cake. You take the flour, the milk, the eff and the chocolate, you mix it all together, bake it and it comes out one whole cake. The egg does not remain as egg, the flour is no longer flour, the chocolate is no longer chocolate. You are never going to get the egg back as only an egg or the milk as milk.

Integration means that all parts of yourself that are currently split off meld into one whole personality. Therapists tend to say that nobody dies, per se, but it is true that the parts no longer exist as seperate personalities. Talents and interests of parts will after the dust settles, become a part of your own make up and that should lead to feeling stronger and more solid.

Some parts may choose to integrate on their own with no assistance from the main person or therapist.

@comfortableHorizon21

Trust

Just a perspective on what can help or not help someone who is being supported, who has DID on external supporters having faith in an individuals ability to know what is best for them.

When supporting someone with DID, it is important to try and trust the individuals expertise about their own experiences and respect the safety agreements they ask for, though these may need to be negoiated, and safe boundaries put into place for both people concerned. Someone trying to second guess whether someone is or isnt dissociated, countering what the individual concerned says is going on for them, can be demeaning and demoralizing. It is stressful and and frightening having to ‘convince people that you are not dissociated when they think you are, or that you are dissociating when they think you are not. Having supporters, whether family, friends, therapists etc not trust the individual with DID on their own self states adds extra layers of distress to the already complex and challenging process of helping someone to understand and learn about their own internal experience. It takes away yet more autonomy from people who already may be working overtime to maintain autonomy over themselves, their body etc. Someone with a dissociative disorder may notalways know when they are dissociating, especially when it is just partial or when they are so used to dissociating they dont notice – but they can learn, and are usually working to get better at recognizing their own patterns, symptoms and experiences. The individual with DID are the experts on themselves and may be better at recognising what is going on for them, than someone external. Its important to show the person you are supporting with DID that you have faith in their knowledge of themselves – and actually have it – by simply asking them in an open, accepting, and listening way, whether they are dissociating and what would help, and letting them have space to figure out the answers. The individual is the best situated person to understand their own internal experience.

@comfortableHorizon21

Support for supporters of those with DID

I came across this information, written for supporters of those with DID and thought it may be useful to someone who is supporting an inidividual with Dissociative Identity Disorder

First of all I want to commend anyone and everyone who supports a survivor of any type of abuse. I realize that it takes much compassion and empathy to deal with someone who has experienced so much pain in their lives and have so much baggage to tote around. If you are a supporter of someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder, your friendship is unique and can be a special one for the both of you.

Just as anyone who experiences trauma needs to talk about their pain, multiples need an outlet as well. However when you're dealing with a survivor with D.I.D. you are also dealing with more than one individual, taking into consideration the mental, emotional and even the physical stamina that appear in each alter personality.

That being said, I feel that it is important here to emphasize how separated our memories are. In general multiples are often accused of being chronic liars because one alter personality may relay a memory of their childhood to you; while another alter personality may confess that there are no memories of childhood at all. The survivor may also seem like they are contradicting themselves at times by giving you two or more opinions or answers to one question or event, when in reality you have been conversing with two or more alter personalities during that one conversation.

During our life time we are also thought of as a Hypochondriac, suffering with one ailment after another and never seeming to get to the bottom of what is causing the pain. This happens because each alter personality deals with different issues and each alter personality carries his or her own memories, including "body memories." And also, we really do suffer with a multitude of ailments simply because we are under so much stress.

And while you may have spoken to one alter personality a few days ago and they told you that their favorite color was pink and had seafood for lunch, today another alter personality may tell you they like the color yellow and had a hamburger for lunch the other day. Well, the other day to that particular alter personality could actually have been three years ago if that alter personality has not been out and active in a while.

Survivors who live with D.I.D. are forced to cope with a tremendous amount of noise in our heads from the alter personalities talking back and forth and the children inside who are singing, laughing or crying and the angry alter personalities who are ranting and raving while still other alter personalities may be comforting another alter personality with a lullaby or humming.

To top that off when a survivor is trying to have a conversation with you, other alter personalities may also be listening and can be triggered by something you or the alter personality that is already out might say, or a certain noise, smell or any other stimuli that could catch the attention of other alter personalities.

These triggers have the potential to cause an alter personality to switch in completely and take over the conversation, which in reality probably happens a lot more than you are aware of. But your friend, or one of the alter personalities may at some point want to tell you what they are seeing in their heads, but be ware that if a person is a multiple, then what you are about to hear is not the usual pat on the behind or a beating with an iron rod. The type of abuse that causes a person to create alter personalities is far more graphic and unbearable than you can ever imagine.
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I am told that just by hearing of the atrocities performed on someone who is a DID survivor could even cause the listener to dissociate. You must protect yourself from any damage that could be caused by listening to the stories of torment that the survivor has experienced. You might stop the survivor and gently suggest writing these thoughts down so that they can be sure to tell the therapist on the next visit. But unless you've been trained to treat such disorders please refrain from counseling your friend, it could actually do more harm than good.
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You may notice that the survivors alter personalities start switching in and out more often than before. That happens because all of a sudden all of these selves are coming out of hiding after years and years; and more alter personalities with even more hidden memories get triggered by the last memories and then more memories and the survivor is flooded with images and sounds that no human should ever have to experience. Another reason that this switching might become more obvious is that you may be paying closer attention, or the alters are beginning to get more comfortable and want to spend "their" time with you.

Probably the worst comments you can make are "I understand" "things will get better" and "I know, I was abused too"! No one could possibly understand what this individual has been through! Even if you are a survivor of childhood abuse yourself, each case is unique and each survivor has earned the right to own the feelings that they have, and only a trained professional should proceed with counseling.

Another one of my pet peeves is having someone try to cheer me up. You must understand, that what has made your friend so depressed is far more serious than just a bad hair day. And don't forget that you may be dealing with an alter personality who may not have the capability to be anything but sad (most of the alters only have one emotion and that emotion is usually exaggerated many times because that is all that they are).

But you may also be dealing with an alter personality who simply does not like you and that "one alter personality" has the ability to sabotage the entire relationship between you and your friend for good if they choose to do so. Please remember though that just because one alter personality may not like you, it does not have any affect on how the other alter personalities feel about you. Be careful not to take it personally.

If you choose to remain friends with a survivor after learning of their diagnosis you will have to accept the fact that these alter personalities are not simply just another side of your friends personality but rather they are separate individuals who, for the most part have absolutely no knowledge of one another.

Be honest with your friend! If you find that the friendship is overwhelming and is interfering with your own lifestyle or comfort zone and you feel uncomfortable, then by all means please do not take the friendship any further. We survivors are strong and intelligent and we'd much rather face an honest denial than a long drawn-out, confusing friendship.

By the way, this does not make you a bad person by ending the friendship! As a general rule I would have to say that multiples do not pose a physical threat to you or anyone else for that matter with one exception (their own body). Even the angry alter personalities for the most part have their place but know where to draw the line. All we want is that you treat us with the respect that you would the next person.

Another good tip to remember is that the process of healing does not necessarily mean integration. If your friend tells you that he/she is happy with the progress that they have made, then you must respect that. And if your friend and his/her alter personalities decide that integration is not for them; then be happy that at least he/she is feeling better. After all that's what is important. You may not understand why your friend does not want to be like other people, and experience life as a whole integrated person but it is a scary issue to face.

After all we survivors have lived the majority of our lives by dissociating, therefore this has become our comfort zone. Integration may come later if the alter personalities decided that it is safe enough, but until then your friendship will have to stand on it's own for what it is. And if you're waiting for the day that this person becomes whole, you could be wasting a lot of precious time that could be better spent just enjoying their company because most multiples are in therapy for years and years until the final stage of good mental health is achieved (what ever level that may be).

If you have an issue with one alter, you have to address the alter personality that you have the issue with while they are still in control of the conscious part of the mind in order for the issue to be resolved. Otherwise the innocent alter personality will be confused, having no recollection of the incident that you are addressing. Before your friend has been in therapy long enough to gain some control, you may tire of the alter personalities switching in and out and even become angry because of the alter personalities speaking out of turn. However if you direct your anger or lack of patience toward another alter personality, (as if that alter personality were the guilty party) then your point has not been made.

Being a friend to someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder is much like being a friend to someone without D.I.D. You just need to remember that your friend is not always in control of the conscious part of the mind. And your friend may be and probably is an alter personality and not the original person who was born to the body. Try to be yourself! Be a friend and leave the rest to the professionals.
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Try not to guess what's going on in your "multiple" friends mind, it'll drive you crazy for one thing and besides the survivors who are living with this disorder do not even understand the mechanics of it, or how we created these selves in the first place (or else we would know how to undo what has been done), We only live with it!

And finally if you love someone who suffers with D.I.D. and you need more information about the disorder or how to treat that person, him or her. Remember that you have a friend who has been silenced for an eternity and chances are that he or she would be delighted to know that you care enough to acknowledge their pain, and eager to share in the discovery of their inner world.

@comfortableHorizon21 I have DID I am hoping people learn from this this a person who has this is not dangerous to them and will try us like normal with respect and courtesy

Thanks for post. I have experience supporting someone with DID/MPD and you're right, they are not portrayed in the best light in mainstream media and its unfair. I tried looking for a support group with this subject but didn't find one. Closet I could find is BPD, which different . Perhaps I missed it? Will there be one specifically for people with DID?

there is so many misunderstandings about DID. Its good to do reasearch before assuming anything

@comfortableHorizon21 this is such a cool post thank you so much!! To answer your discussion question 1, I have heard to DID before and to my share, my initial reaction was to question if it was a diagnosis that actually exists or is manufactured by the clinican. However, now that I've had more time to think about that and learn about other things like depersonalization/derealization, which is another dissociative disorder, I've come to realize that we really know very very little about the brain and the best that we can do at this point is go off of people's experiences, plus if DP/DR works the way it does I don't see why DID can't. Further, I think that it is related to trauma greatly so I think as a clinician the best way to work with someone who has DID is to work towards dealing with that trauma.

A few years ago I had a friend suffering from DID, but unfortunately we didn't stay in touch after the both of us moved to another place.

Anyway, I, too, figured out most of the things that were mentioned here so far when I got to know here more and more... and her various... alters? Or what would you call them? I think in the end I knew five of them, but I think altogether they were eight. They all had different ages, ranging from 4 to 30-something, some were male, some female... well and one was just very very shy, so I don't know their age or gender. Or name. Cause naturally everyone had a different name, too.

Most of the time we were chatting online, that worked best, cause that way I noticed immediately when she switched from someone to someone else. Cause everyone had their own way of typing and expressing themselves, so in my head I literally imagined it like chatting with various persons that handed over the keyboard to someone else after a while... while my friend (like, her actual "main personality" or whatever) was either watching them and just couldn't interfere... or she had an entire blackout while it was someone else's turn. Like, depending on who would take over. I think two or three of them made her have blackouts, the others would allow her to stay and to share what they were doing, like an observer.

But nothing about that ever was dangerous. The weirdest thing probably was when it was my birthday and she gave me like 4 presents, cause three other "alters" of her insisted on making or buying their own presents for me... but in the first place that was super cute and I felt even more valued or something, cause everyone wanted to send me their congrats by themselves. =D

But yeah. So I guess for me it was way easier to deal with all those alters than it was for my friend, cause obviously I never had blackouts and I never had to deal with a situation in which I look like 30-something on the outside, but in fact I'm currently 8, cause that part of me is just taking over.^^

So the only challenge for me was to notice when she was switching and to find out who's turn it was now... because depending on whether it was an adult or a kid or the super shy one I needed to adapt to that and react accordingly. But as time went by that wasn't very difficult anymore, cause after a while I guess I figured it out.^^

I'm glad for the discussion but I don't think I ever saw Bruce Banner and the Hulk as DID and I definitely don't think that is a helpful example... DID develops usually pre 5 yrs old due to trauma and generally, we don't turn into green raging monsters when we switch personalities, or cannibals or murderers or any other ridiculous exaggerations found in movies or media.