afraid of being like my abusive parent
guys any of you had abusive parents? what type of parent are you?
whenever i have to be tough on a kid, i feel like im killing them. im HYPER sensitive. i dont like being in a leadership position, but i dont like having anybody on top of me. i have a hard time telling kids no. if i discipline a child, i feel horrible. im afraid of being like one of my parents. i dont know what is the right balance of love vs. toughness. i think im gonna have this problem my whole life.
do any of you have this? 😕 Jo
@jotee
I love that you are able to reflect on this so clearly. Just the fact that you are aware and consciously working on it, is so amazing! We don't have to continue the cycle and repeat bad patterns that our parents inflicted on us. We can be different and it sounds like you are already on the right path to breaking that cycle. Sending you vibes for continued strength and self-awareness.
I've felt similar when I had my son. I didn't want to end up continuing the cycle my parents and grandparents started.
It looks like you're self-aware, which is good! That shows that you care and worry for your child, which makes you a good parent.
When I was taking new parenting classes, they taught me the difference between punishment and discipline.
❝Punishment instills a penalty for a child’s offense. It's about making a child "pay" for his mistakes. Sometimes, the desire to inflict punishment stems from a parent’s feelings of frustration. At other times, it stems from desperation. A parent may feel compelled to yell, spank, or remove every privilege a child has ever had in an effort to send a clear message that his behavior better change .❞
❝Discipline teaches children new skills, such as how to manage their behavior, solve problems, and deal with uncomfortable emotions. Discipline helps kids learn from their mistakes and teaches them socially appropriate ways to deal with emotions, like anger and disappointment. Discipline techniques include strategies such as time-out or the removal of privileges.❞
Here's the link for reference:
@ImpudentIncognito thanks for understanding!
im a 1st grade teacher, not a parent yet. sometimes a kid frustrates me so much that i just yell go to the principal! but is isnt fair. Almost always, there was a reason why the kid acted up and i usually know the reason.
can you repost the link? it doesnt work.
jo
Sorry for the late reply!
Here is the link: https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-difference-between-punishment-and-discipline-1095044
I'm currently undergoing abuse, i'm 17 and I'm worried in advamce about being one such parent in future😂😂
The fact that you are self aware and acknowledge your abusive past will help. There are lots of adults who have been abused and that have healthy relationships with their own children, like myself. When you shower your children with love they will feel it and they will know the difference between abuse and regular parenting. Being a responsible parent involves saying no and correcting your children when needed….it’s just about doing it the right way. And it sounds like you know what the wrong way is already. Don’t be afraid to life your life. You deserve good things.