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californiamomof2
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 3, 2022
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Bad relationship with sick dad
Trauma Support / by californiamomof2
Last post
 October 3rd, 2022
...See more Hi! I’m desperate for advice and new to this app. I am currently 46 years old and do not live near my parents (different states). I moved away right after college, got married and have kids. My father was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. He was also physically abusive but the emotional abuse was the worst. My sister, mom and I were all referred to as whores, bitches, disgraces, etc. Every name you can think of, that what he called us. He was extremely threatening with his words. The threat of physical abuse was worse than the actual abuse but all you had to do was get him angry enough. He had no control of his words or actions. He was just the worst. I can honestly not think of one positive quality or one moment in my childhood where he was good to me. There was zero emotional support in the home. My parents weren’t educated so they taught us nothing about life, education. They simply provided food and shelter. I hate my dad and have only stayed in contact for this long because of my mom. The relationship has gotten worse to the point that I barely speak to them and haven’t visited in 15 months. I have no plans to see them at this time. My mother has enabled my father his entire life. I cannot understand how a mother would allow that to happen to her children. They have 3 children and we all hate our dad. My sister and brother just seem to handle it better than me. I don’t know how they do it. But here we are and dad is 82 years old with cancer and he’s very sad that I am treating him this way. Mom calls me to call and talk to dad and I did and he didn’t want to talk to me. Honestly I only did it for her. I couldn’t care less about him. He’s having surgery and I’m sending flowers. I don’t even know why I am doing it. Just because I feel guilty I guess. It’s hard to lose my mom in the process but we were never that close. She took his side my whole life and I learned long ago that she was not there for me in regards to dad. I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to visit him. My sister tells me I will be the better person if I do. I’m not sure I care about being the better person. All they say is that we can’t go back in time. That just isn’t enough for me. How do I move on? This has weighed in my heavily my whole life. I cry a lot about it. I’ll never get back my childhood and just can’t stand pretending with my parents anymore. When will my pain ever be acknowledged? It’s so hard. Anyone else deal with parents like this? How did you move on?
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