Traumatic Experiences Daily Check In - Monday May 14th 2018
How are you today? Is your inclination to say ‘fine when youre asked that question, even though there are about a thousand answers that would be more accurate. Why I wonder do we feel the need to maintain our persona of strength and invulnerability?
I was reading a little about the masks we wear. One article suggested there are several, including the happy mask of how wonderful our life is. The strength mask, of nothing ever gets to us. The pleasing mask, of wanting to be liked and living a selfless existence. The intellectual mask where we know so much stuff, including our magnificent self awareness because were all so sorted arent we?
Or are we?
For the sake of simplicity, and because Im essentially a simple person, I was giving some thought to my outer and inner masks. So the outer one is what I project to the world, and the inner one is the truer me that I seldom show, because to do so would be showing my vulnerabilities. If I was an artistic type Id like to have drawn those masks to show you, and included them in this post. But Im not arty, so heres some pictures I found which sort of sum up my inner and outer masks.
Outer mask - this is kind of what I present to the world. First thing to note, I dont think Im Mother Teresa! Oh goodness, far from it! But I do tend to project the caring, serene, giving persona. The idea of knowing my purpose in life.
But my inner mask, the truer me that I keep hidden, is more like this:
That slightly chaotic, unsure, hair tearing sense of too much to do, not enough time, and why am I even bothering with this anyway!
What masks are you wearing? How would it feel to just be authentic, and let the mask slide and the real you be seen?
Can you draw your inner and outer masks? Or perhaps there are pictures that symbolise those public and private sides of you?
Or just say hello. Its good to connect, and all of you are always welcome here.
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Hi
I'm realizing more and more how traumatized I am in different ways
In general I would say I'm doing a lot better
But it's hard bc I still have to be around ppl who traumatized me so there's no sense of closure or protection
I still struggle with a lot of bad intrusive thoughts related to PTSD and feel vulnerable to being traumatized again and cope in ways that harm me
But at least I finally know what happened to me is wrong and I didnt/don't deserve it
I want to live and thrive now that I'm healthier but some days I'm just like I've gone through so much can't I just relax and not do anything bc I can't handle any more stress
I'm just a teenage girl but I feel so much older and exhausted and for rn I'm kinda just stuck in the in between
@wittySpruce8187
Theres so many things trauma takes from us, but that sense of having to grow up too fast is so tragic. So often trauma takes away what should be a happy and carefree childhood, and replaces it with fear, confusion and distress. And growing up with those feelings is so damaging for our self image and confidence.
But Spruce, you my dear are fighting back. You know what happened to you was wrong, and you didnt deserve it. Absolutely! Hang on to that truth, because its so very important. What you do deserve is a life where you do live and thrive. Accept that as your right, muster all your strength and courage, leave the negative messages of the past behind, and take whats rightfully yours.
And if it feels too overwhelming, too much, do it at your own pace. Learn there are people who can be trusted, who love you for being you, who enjoy you being part of their life and who support you and strengthen you. Hopefully in time you can withdraw more from those people who traumatised you. Interact with them only on your terms. Have the contact you want, rather than be forced to spend time with them. Im sorry you feel stuck right now, but this is just that gradual transition phase before you find your wings and are free.
Hi Deb, always say fine, easier then saying I'm not then having the prying. Reality is I'm not fine, I'm struggling with new issues, struggling to find my voice and find this situation has me dissociating more often, trying to use my voice to protect, protecting is what I'm good at, but voice is still not enough in bad situations, more talking than used to needed today, don't like it, don't like talking or repeating what's happened.. sorry rambling. Hope your ok! 💗
Hi, I feel lonely and scared often
I can shout at the top of my voice how unfine I feel right now and nobody will hear
@Sparky1 we hear you Sparky! We care for you 
@Hope3729
'caring feels fbad jus tnow sorry
i want it but it also sounds too far from reality
Heya my lovely community!
I feel like my outer mask is always the friendly, supportive, positive girl. I always help others, laugh a lot and seem always happy! 
But in the inside i also have my very dark moments, which nearly nobody sees.
Gladly i have my best friend who knows both sides of me and always recognizes how i feel on the inside, i am so grateful for him
Lovely Thread Deborah and great topic! Made me really think about myself today haha.
I am wishing everyone here a looooovvely day!!
@DeborahUK
Online it is easy to fool everyone. But if you could see my face right now you would know I am lying.
I am feeling like cr*p and it shows.
My first response would be to avoid everyone but I am learning it is okay to be real.
@MaschaV
That's so true a lot of people don't know .
What there feelings are doing!!
@MaschaV
yucky feelings :(
sorry you are feeling bad mascha you aera so nice always
@Sparky1
Oooh, thanks. I don't feel very nice now but I want to be
@MaschaV
just be yourselfs
being nice is too much pressure sometimes
can shout or scream maybe some say it helps
@Sparky1
I want to but I can't
@MaschaV
i can't either
I wish we both can
@Sparky1
would be nice wouldn't it. Maybe screaming together is not as scary
@MaschaV
@Sparky1
After three.....
one
two
three
@DeborahUK
<FONT SIZE="1">aaaaagh</FONT>@MaschaV
Mascha you absolutely dont need to hide your emotions! We are here for you and care about your wellbeing.
I am so so sorry to hear that you feel like crap today. I hope that besides that, you are still able to find something good in this day, even if its just a little thing
And remember: its okay not to be okay.
you have our full support!
@Hope3729
It is hard, I am on the look out
@DeborahUK
Hi everyone,
Do you really want to know how I really feel???
Or y'all just asking to be polite and the right
thing to do??? 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮!!!
And NOT REALLY WANT TO KNOW!!!!
HOW I REALLY FEEL!!!!
@DeborahUK
That's how some people are!!!
@GuardianAngel77
Oh yes, Im sure there are many people who ask the question ‘how are you, but would be horrified if you actually told them. But how liberating eh? Have you ever just wanted to let loose? To reclaim that fearless honesty of a child, where you can just say the first thing that pops into your head? No more relentless self filtering and censoring, but a candid response to what you see.
@DeborahUK
Yes I agree with that!!
@DeborahUK
Hi,
I'm not doing so good. It's been really, really hard
For me. My Rabbit died on Sunday morning.
And here lately for about 6 day's everything
Is running all together and I am mix-up .
I don't remember what I have done. I believe
It's my DID. And it's scary. If that's makes any
Since. So there it is. What's going on with me!!
@GuardianAngel77
Oh Angel, my heart goes out to you. Losing a beloved pet can be so very painful, as we can form such strong bonds with our furry companions. Sadly its pretty much an inevitability of pet ownership that well outlive our pets, so please try and reflect on all the love you shared, and be proud of the difference you made to the life of your pet rabbit.
As for losing time the way you have, that sounds very disconcerting. There are quite a few threads on DID within the trauma sub community. If I was in any way organised Id have copied you a link wouldnt I? Sorry, Ill paste it below for you though. Hopefully you may find some comfort and understanding amongst those threads. Youre not alone dear friend.
@DeborahUK
OK thanks
This is the link to the DID threads:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/DissociationDID_919/
@DeborahUK
Thanks
