Traumatic Experiences Daily Check In - Monday May 14th 2018
How are you today? Is your inclination to say ‘fine when youre asked that question, even though there are about a thousand answers that would be more accurate. Why I wonder do we feel the need to maintain our persona of strength and invulnerability?
I was reading a little about the masks we wear. One article suggested there are several, including the happy mask of how wonderful our life is. The strength mask, of nothing ever gets to us. The pleasing mask, of wanting to be liked and living a selfless existence. The intellectual mask where we know so much stuff, including our magnificent self awareness because were all so sorted arent we?
Or are we?
For the sake of simplicity, and because Im essentially a simple person, I was giving some thought to my outer and inner masks. So the outer one is what I project to the world, and the inner one is the truer me that I seldom show, because to do so would be showing my vulnerabilities. If I was an artistic type Id like to have drawn those masks to show you, and included them in this post. But Im not arty, so heres some pictures I found which sort of sum up my inner and outer masks.
Outer mask - this is kind of what I present to the world. First thing to note, I dont think Im Mother Teresa! Oh goodness, far from it! But I do tend to project the caring, serene, giving persona. The idea of knowing my purpose in life.
But my inner mask, the truer me that I keep hidden, is more like this:
That slightly chaotic, unsure, hair tearing sense of too much to do, not enough time, and why am I even bothering with this anyway!
What masks are you wearing? How would it feel to just be authentic, and let the mask slide and the real you be seen?
Can you draw your inner and outer masks? Or perhaps there are pictures that symbolise those public and private sides of you?
Or just say hello. Its good to connect, and all of you are always welcome here.
Hi Deb, my outer mask at the moment is "a little stressed, but ok :) " , my inner self is completely freaking out and cannot cope at all, imagine a toddler running around screaming, and then bursting into tears and just not calming down at all. There is too much to do and not enough time, I really need a break but I'm not going to get one until the evening of the 25th. I am just hoping so badly that I will be able to do enough to pass my exams so that I can have a nice break over summer, and hoping that nothing bad happens because I haven't had a relaxed break for 2 years now. Sorry I am just so bad right now.
Love and hugs to all 
@FloweringBunny
That sounds completely overwhelming, to have so much going around in your head that you feel you dont get a moments peace. I wonder if youve tried writing it down, journalling, or prioritising it in some way? Its a technique Ive found really helpful. Firstly it gets it out of my head, and secondly it allows me to step back and really consider whats important and whats not. What can wait? And finally, I find tasks I can do together, or put into a logical order, rather than running around in circles like the proverbial headless chicken. And lets face it, its really important to try and make some time in each day just for you. To replenish, reflect and renew, ready to face anything that comes your way.
@DeborahUK Thank you for your reply I have a plan for things to do each day, but sometimes I get stuck on one task and neglect all the others, I really need to work on stopping and coming back later. I have reorganised this weeks plan now to make it more manageable for my current state so hopefully I will no longer be running around like a headless chicken :)
@DeborahUK
I mainly wear a happy everything ok mask espec around fam as they have no idea of wat happened. I hide it all from them. Being on meds having psychartric help. But in next few months to come ppl forcing me to tell my family. .kinda feels like black mail.
@honestLand773
Thats not good if youre feeling held to ransom like that. But does it help to consider why people wish to step in and force your hand a little? I understand it can feel impossible to share with others, and easier to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone, but Im a great advocate for sharing. I genuinely do go by the old adage ‘a problem shared is a problem halved. Often someone a little more distant from the situation can see things from a much clearer, or at least alternative, perspective. They can help us avoid the black and white thinking we may fall into when theres little input from elsewhere.
If the thought of having your family made aware of whats going on really does feel too wrong for you, can you reach a compromise with those who want you to open up more? Perhaps if you agreed to approach a helpline for advice and support, that would satisfy them you werent isolating yourself.
i definitely wear a mask a lot, but it's been cracking a lot lately. i bottle things up, i'm not honest about how i feel or what i want. i've been slowly reaching a breaking point. i've probably already passed it, honestly, but everything's so tangled up and messy inside that i can't really tell. i'm just really tired. i keep having intrusive thoughts--more visions then anything--and when they end i'm left shaken from how real they feel.
okay, dramatics aside, today's actually been a relatively good day. i got art supplies in the mail! i've been able to walk around the house without my walker! i'm still really tired and feeling rather bleh, but nothing overly bad happened today, so i'm taking that as a win, even if i'm feeling rather apathetic at the moment.
@Moonberrycat
Hey, I love your glass is half full approach. But its okay if sometimes the reality is its half empty! What I mean is, never be afraid to be honest. There are times when its not just advisable to take the mask off, but a real necessity. When things feel totally overwhelming or bleak, its helpful to let someone else in. Theres no shame in asking for help, be that from a friend, a neighbour, a stranger or a therapist. Sometimes you just need a little leg up to get over the next obstacle. Far better than constantly throwing yourself against the obstacle, stuck, bloody and bruised.
Today hasn't been the best. I was diagnosed with PTSD but I have no idea what traumatized me (repressed af haha) but I can't stop thinking about it, it's driving me crazy not knowing
@TeaAngel
I can imagine the not knowing must leave you with all sorts of thoughts in your head. That must be very difficult for you. Just know that if you need to speak to anyone to share what
Here you go if you
@DeborahUK Thank you 