Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Wednesday, November 13th 2019
Good very early morning on this fine Wednesday, day 7 Cups Trauma Sub-Community participants!!! It is I @AriannaPink (Arianna, Ari, or Aria) back with another check-in for you guys! Before we begin though I just wanted to let you guys know that starting late tonight (Wednesday, November 13th 2019) after Im done responding to you guys I will be going on a complete self care break for a few weeks which means I will be completely unavailable during these few weeks as my account will be deactivated. Dont worry Im completely fine no sicknesses, or hospitalizations or anything I just need to catch up on a lot of things in real life, and besides the holidays are coming up gotta prepare! 😉… Anyways in case you were wondering what will happen to Wednesdays check-ins in my temporary absence dont worry no one will go without. I have prepared check-ins ahead of time to cover me until Im back which will be posted by our one and only @MonBon! Thank you so much Mon for agreeing to help me out I really appreciate it!!! 💗… Now if you missed last weeks check-in, and would like to tune in on what story was given, and what we last discussed please feel free to click here! Otherwise lets just jump right in to our main check-in question so we can get started with our story for the week!
Main Check-In Question: How are you doing today overall?
Okay now that thats out of the way, get cozy and comfy everyone because we will be starting the story time shortly!
Quick Little Disclaimer: For today only our story is not edited because neither myself or @MonBon thought it was necessary to do so because we noticed no graphic content. So if you feel like its not worth the risk please answer the Main Check-in Question listed above ⬆️, and then click off here for your own mental health. Otherwise feel free to carry on with todays check-in! 😁…
Also many thanks to both Sil Lai for putting her story out there, and to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for posting stories like hers on their blog that is connected to their website to inspire people every single day! They are an incredible resource so if you guys ever want or need to know any information or advice regarding domestic abuse I recommend going to their website which I connected their link to their name right up there! ⬆️...
Now without further ado here is Sil Lais Story!
Twenty years ago I was a young single mother and didnt realize that I was embarking upon a new relationship that would nearly destroy my spirit. I knew going into the relationship that my then boyfriend was controlling and prone to what I thought were temper tantrums. Like a lot of abused women, I thought that if I loved him enough that I could help him heal…to finally know unconditional love. He belittled me, called me names and cursed at me in a way that to this day makes me cringe at its cruelty. He constantly accused me of cheating on him, and made me feel ashamed of who I was and the mistakes I had made in the past. And, as is unfortunately all too often the case, he eventually began using physical violence as a means to try and break my spirit.
Our relationship was a crazy, unpredictable 4 years of soul crushing abuse. I finally got out of the relationship after one too many trips to the emergency room – trips that finally broke through my denial about the true nature of the man I loved, our relationship, and especially myself. Today I am grateful to be alive, to have two beautiful children who werent raised in a home filled with emotional, physical and mental violence and to have the opportunity to serve other women who are or have been abused.
However, there is one thing that still gets me from time to time, which is that it took me 4 years to break free from my abuser. I remember being so desperate…so confused, and so needing of support. If I had had access to an organization such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline back when I was being abused, I believe it is highly likely that I wouldve gotten out earlier. The knowledgeable, empathetic support and vital resources they provide, 365 days a year are critical to helping a victim of abuse break free of the violence. Victims may only reach out for help once. It is so essential that the hotline answer as many calls as possible so that every victim can become a survivor.
Services such as those offered by the National Domestic Violence Hotline are not optional…they are essential to the health of our families. The hotline arms victims with a truth that can eventually truly set them free.
Now to finish up this check-in I have a couple of questions for you guys...
#1. What was your favorite part of this story?
And #2. How do you feel after reading this story?
Thank you so much everyone for reading this story, participating in this check-in, and taking a chance on me! I will hopefully see you guys well from my end at least next month probably.
Sending lots of love & a well month for you all - @AriannaPink
Disclaimer Again: Okay I have no self control with these adorable GIFs so I decided that while I am going to keep them in all of my check-ins they will be less structured during the times when theres no holidays around the corner. So without further ado heres our special GIF for the week! 😁👏🏼…
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@AriannaPink
Main Check-In Question: How are you doing today overall?
Today is the first day of the rest of our life!
Have a good break Ari! We will miss you and your pinkness!
Listening .... One Step At A Time
@AriannaPink
Hi, not doing so great this week, still going to check in though.
@friendlyLake5949 thanks for checking in 
Listening .... One Step At A Time
1. I'm doing well today! My job is really hard, but I'm doing it! Ever trying my best, you know? I'm very lucky to have it. It's difficult, so it's teaching me patience and discipline as well as skills for the job (and my career!) Can't complain too much. 
2. My favorite part of this story was the end, when she noted that although she got herself out of her abusive relationship, it still took her 4 1/2 years... And that with the help of the hotline she could have gotten out sooner. I liked it because she's using her experience in a proactive, positive, selfless manner in order to help others. She can think critically about her situation and grow from it. That is so admirable to me.
3. I feel like I can relate to a lot of her phraseology, even if I didn't experience what she experienced?
I do have a question, though: Can you be a in a domestically violent relationship if you weren't "official" with them? What if they were your friend, but you still engaged romantically from time to time (though there were clear and definitive boundaries that there was no commitment)?
@ArianaPink I almost forgot! Good luck with your self-care
@AriannaPink
@betterchoices yes sadly that still counts as DV We are here for you!
Listening .... One Step At A Time
@betterchoices
Hey Choices! Its really good to see you, welcome to todays check-in!!! 😁...
#1. Im glad things are going so well for you in the workforce! Im also glad to see that youre optimistic about the trialing parts of your job as you know itll better you in your career! I personally believe that the most trialing moments are the most exciting adventures so I am so proud of you! 😁👏🏼🎉...
#2. I really like your perspective I think its awesome as well how she was able to turn an awful experience into a very humbling, positive, learning experience for herself and others! Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives on things Choices!!! 😁💗...
#3. That actually makes a lot of sense! Its normal to relate to people with certain things such as phraseology even if you havent walked in their exact shoes before. Thank you so much for reading todays story, and answering my questions! 😁...
Thank you for your question by the way that is a really good one! Unfortunately the answer is yes. You dont have to be official with a person to be abused by them. At the end of the day (although its more talked about it happening in marriages) domestic violence/abuse is when someone either 18 or above (it happens in teen dating too but I believe for teens it is called teen dating violence) is getting hurt either physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually by someone they know that is either around the same age or older. You definitely do not have to have a ring on your finger, or even be in a committed relationship to be in a domestically violent relationship. I hope my answer helps you out with whatever information you need! No matter what though please remember like what @MistyMagic (Misty) said we are here for you forever, and always! 💗...
Thank you so much for checking in today I hope I see you soon!!! 😁...
Sending lots of hugs & good vibes,
- @AriannaPink (Arianna) 💗...
P.S. Thank you so much Choices that means a lot!!! 😁💗...
Thank you thank you thank you for your reply, and your and Misty's support!
Hi. I just wanted to check in. I've been having some rough days lately.
@affectionateNorth4018
Hey North welcome to todays check-in! 😁... Im sorry to hear the past few days havent been to great for you 😕 I hope things get better for you soon! 💗...
Thank you so much for checking in today it really means a lot! 💗...
Sending lots of hugs & good vibes,
- @AriannaPink (Arianna)
@AriannaPink
Hi its been an ok day. Hope you have a great break. Take care
Okay Im heading out now have a great month everybody!
Sending lots of love, @AriannaPink (Arianna) 💗...
Not sure where to post this. Its been a long hard day. I'm not sure anybody will even read this, I just need to say it. I have no support and things are getting harder with my teenager. I'm trying my best but failing miserably. I just feel so helpless sometimes.
@RedHawk6547 Heyy I read your post, Sometimes it can help to write things down and share with others, we have a special sub-forum of that here Share Your Story https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaSupport_60/ShareYourStory_318/
Listening .... One Step At A Time
I am doing badly today.
My mom lied to me about which day my dentist appointment was so I had to cancel my therapy appointment on a day I just so happen to need it most.
I've lived my whole life crippled by codependency with Actually Narcissistic parents. My youth has been wasted. I haven't lived a "normal" life, I missed out on normal healthy development and I'm intellectually an "old soul" but socially disadvantaged/inept because of how sheltered and kept on a leash I've been from childhood until now. I'm unemployed due to a traumatic injury and hearing loss from my last job which now limits where I can work and what I can do if I want to preserve the rest of my hearing (no fast food/places with loud blenders), but now every conversation is my mother screaming at me that I need to "GET A JOB!11111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111" and I AM trying. It's hard in a small town where everyone hires their buddies and besties, and I've tried explaining that to her unntil I'm blue in the face and she won't have it. But I can't move out unless I have money, and I'm not getting any younger. I haven't lived. I'm still a virgin, never been on a date, never even had a flirtatious interaction with another man. I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone until I got to junior college, and it was the bare minimum cheap emergencies only crappy kind. I've upgraded a couple of times so I have a semi-decent/functional camera to take selfies, and I'm JUST NOW becoming somewhat photogenic/learning my angles and what kind of makeup looks good on me and my mom is now saying that I'm "too old" for that. But when I was "young" enough, I didn't have access to that world. I feel like I have a lot of lost time to make up for and catch up with and it just breaks my spirit. She's always been irrationally controlling and STILL tells me what I can/can't wear, controls my social media/Instagram/Facebook posts and keep tabs (I'm not sure how she found my IG because I don't put my full name on it), tells me which pictures to "take down" etc. and which status updates to delete, goes through my spiral notebooks in my backpack and fake-innocently denies it when it's lying open faced with private writing on it and I'm never home alone. She controls what I do with my money when I'm working seasonal jobs or scrape up some pocket money via my Redbubble shop (banshee24) or sell my old clothes on Poshmark for a little something to treat myself with. I live with her, I'm indebted to her and she has me so bound by her unspoken/invisible psychological rules and whims that I'll never get ahead. I feel trapped. I have seasonal affective disorder and now that it's getting dark, the house is getting colder because it's in the shade with very few windows and I'm already feeling it. I become erratic with angst when I'm depressed which makes me too negative and toxic to my online friends, aka THE ONLY FRIENDS I HAVE. I've been under an impression for years that I've never been allowed to leave the house, but today my mom dropped the bomb on me that I can do "whatever I want" as long as I check in but she never clearly defined that and had me thinking all this time that I was imprisoned here and needed permission for everything. BUT..... my dad purposely never taught me how to drive on the freeway so I'm only limited to driving to the grocery store, my local junior college and the shopping mall but that's it. He keeps saying driving is dangerous and I BOUGHT my own car in my name but he doesn't trust me driving??? He keeps making excuses to chaffeur me and drive me like I'm incapable of transporting myself and always deflects and changes the subject or suddenly has plans that day if I want to practice freeway driving so I can go more places. So... I'm "allowed" to go places and socialize... but they won't help me with the driving experience or how to memorize the routes to further locations like the hair salon I go to downtown etc. so I don't know how to get there. And suddenly I "don't need permission" as long as I "check in" when they've never said that before and I spent MY WHOLE LIFE BEING TOLD "NO". What's up with that?!? Was that a mega gaslighting move? I've become submissive, meek and I'm realizing that hasn't been working for me and I'm trying to become more assertive and I've been making progress speaking my truth and using my voice, but it took me so long to realize how I've been conditioned and how it's held me back. I dream of having privacy, quiet, my own space where nobody keeps me on a leash or cracks the whip if I step out of line (by their standards) and I'm so afraid that it's already too late for me to start saving up. Because I'm unemployed, I "owe" her for all the phone bills the car insurance bill she helped me with while I was literally unable to support myself or even buy groceries and I also have to save up to pay tuition since I got accepted into my dream university I'm realistically never going to be able to afford, so I'm held immobile by a cosmic catch-22. There is no way to win with a narcissist. I don't feel like a human being, I feel like some alien species without a voice or an identity or like Pinocchio wanting to be a real person without strings attached. I'm desperate, saddened and I feel broken.