Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday, 31 December 2017
Hello all,
What a day to remember all of the progress we have made during the year! Through all of the ups and downs, we have established a brilliant, safe community that offers support that so many of us benefit from visiting. In the spirit of the final day of the year, I look back, finding myself feeling a sense of gratitude for so many things. At times, they felt like like trials which leads me to one of my favorite stories that I keep coming back to over the years. I hope you enjoy it as it is one of hope, realizing that we don't know what positive outcomes may come out of a seeming negative event and most of all the idea that all things are possible if we are willing to breathe and give our lives the opportunity to unfold without judgement.
Once upon a time there was an old farmer who worked on his crops for many years. One day, his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck", they said sympathetically.
"Maybe", the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. " How wonderful", the neighbors exclaimed.
"Maybe", the old man replied.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"Maybe", answered the farmer.
The day after, officicals came to the village seeking young men to help them with their battles. Seeing the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"Maybe", said the farmer.
The moral of the story is we cannot judge a singular event as the end of the story. We never know how things will actually turn out. Our lives are comprised of a chain of moments unfolding in an instant. Through patience, we can often look back and find an unexpected outcome that enriches our lives.
This year, it was a very personal lesson as my family learned of my father's illness. While I would never have wished it upon anyone, he is doing extremely well, learned how to accept help (huge for my Dad) and it gave me the opportunity to see an entirely different aspect of him that I will forever treasure.
Please feel free to share the moments of your life today. They may be moments of gratitude or perhaps you are waiting for " the outcome of this part of your story". Either way, as a member of the team, I am grateful that your are here and willing to enrich my life through sharing the courageous moments of yours.
Thank you all. I wish each of you a happy, peaceful New Year.
With love and safe hugs 
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@melliotm
Mellio! Thank you so very much. You are always here at the perfect time. Helping others so quietly and with such kindness.
I hope you have a peaceful day today. 💛 🌈🍫
@melliotm Hey Melliotm Happy New Year hon. 
@melliotm Hey Mellio I think you are becoming our tag list expert lol Thanks for placing it up for us. I think our listeners deliberately leave it out just so they can see your smiling presence I hope the near year brings you renewed hope and strength mellio. Take good care of youself
@Compassionatelistener108
I can relate. My story also involved a very complex relationship with my mother and her end of life long-term terminal illness and passing.
I wanted her to be in my life in a healthy way. I wanted to prove to her that I didn't make up this destructive volatile situation with a man she criticized me for. (she was really bitchy) I wanted him to make a healthy relationship with me work before she died. I wanted her to recover so she could see that I would make things work out with him, and we would all have the happy ending I wanted. I had to realize that if she had lived, she just wouldn't be capable of having a healthy relationship with me. Of course as she became immobile and lonely during her last year, it was inexplicably a hard emotional journey for her. She started out wanting to maintain her dignity, but even that priority drifted away as she just became grateful for those who were there beside her caring for her. It was so hard, knowing it would be our last everything together. Last Christmas with her. I had to spend so much time taking care of myself emotionally so I could show up and support her emotional journey. We had full time help for my father taking care of her at home. I remember the last Christmas going to the kitchen to cry, and one of the women helping who I knew fairly well came in and just hugged me. It was so hard.
My mom asked me Jan 2014 why I was there. The summer before, she gifted me a large sum of money when she realized she would not be around much longer. She told me she knew I wanted to pursue my dreams, and told me she wanted me to go do that. In January I took a part time position rather than look for jobs in other places where I wanted to be. I knew if I moved to a new place without any support structure while she was dying, I wouldn't be successful because it would be too hard. The part-time flexible position still helped me gain career experience, and I was able to help run errands for my dad. I told her that she was my priority, that I wasn't going to have time to spend with her after that year, and I needed to spend as much time as I could while I could.
In those last four months, we saw her health rapidly decline. When I would go on the weekends to have "girl time" or "movie time" to watch movies together, the women helping said it was her favorite time, and she was the most alert. It was so sad to me that she couldn't see me for who I was before she got sick, that she was so bitchy to me about everything. But I know I have no regrets. That she and I got to talk about the painful relationship we had had, and that I was there with her and spent as much time as I could with her, even though she had been horrible to me. If I had not have been there to do that, there would be so much more left unresolved. Now it's sad that with her gone, I am free from all of her toxic bitchiness about my life. My relationship with my father is way better without her interference all the time. He provides much healthier support for me, and sometimes it's hard for me to hear because it's so different from what I'm used to hearing for decades. But I did move away and pursue my dreams a year after my mom died, and it has been really hard, and I have to fight for what I want. I know it's what she wanted me to do, but the irony is that if she had been here to see me, she would have impeeded me by always being critical and bitchy about things not going well. She would be impatient, tell me to give up. Her sister too. The two of them just became super bitchy to me, and died six months apart. When my cousin was 13. Now my cousin is also free from all of their bitchiness, and looks to me a lot as an example, so I try to set a healthier example for her and hope she will not have so much trauma from growing up with such toxic bitchy influences from our mothers. It's really horrible, because I know that being a teenage girl without a mom is so hard. But I don't know which would be worse or better. Having no mom or having the trauma of going through that period with toxic presence beating you down like I did.
@energeticFarm4649
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful example of healing, hope and compassion. It is often confusing as you never deserved to be treated with anything but love as a child. Somehow you found the strength to overcome that pain and offer your Mom the care that you yearned for as a child. It was such a beautiful act of compassion.
I am glad you found some degree of peace within. I hope that your dreams come true. It takes a great deal of courage to let go and dedicate yourself to pursuing them.
I wish you the best of everything.
My mind is giving me a real hard times lately as it tries to get back to its normal state when it was whole.I think I've been this scared, tired and ucertain, unfamiliar to myself only couple of times ever during my whole life.I try to keep this perspective that it all will be alright and this all happens for good but sometimes it's just...too hard to believe.On top of all, I've my adult dulties and must work so I've no clue how I'll make this to happen which is quite scary.To feel so incapable even if you're not.So weak even if you're strong it's just the challenges I face is one of the biggest of my whole life.I try to stay loving to myself and not give up on myself in times when I need myself themost.I try to keep faith in my ability to make the changes needed and to finally close this damn chapter.Now I'll go get some coffee and calm myself down.:D
P.S. I wish everyone a very happy and joyful New Year!And huge thanks to people who runs this community, it has helped me so much during this hard time!
@Morfo66
I am glad that you felt safe enough to share. There are many times when we feel tired after feeling as though we have been fighting to heal for so long. It is hard work, but you have made it so far. I am truly proud of everything you have done and continue to do as you get to know yourself as you are today.
I hope that were able to take your time and enjoy the coffee. Please remember to be gentle with yourself during this time. We are all here when you need a little extra support. I care deeply about the people here as they have been with me through the ups and downs.
Be well as we enter into this New Year.
☕️☕️ - extra coffee just for you
@Compassionatelistener108
aww, thanks a lot!(:
@Compassionatelistener108
"There are many times when we feel tired after feeling as though we have been fighting to heal for so long. It is hard work, but you have made it so far. I am truly proud of everything you have done and continue to do as you get to know yourself as you are today."
wow...this one...exactly what I needed to hear...glad that someone gets it.it's indeed very tiring and sometimes it just feels like it will never end even if it's not the case at all.thanks for this one!
@Morfo66 Hey Morfo thanks for the lovely new year wishes and I hope for you this coming year, that you continue to growth and discover yourself and become who you wish to be. Take good care of youself
@Compassionatelistener108
I don't feel like raeding it. Idk what's with me...I feel weak.
@conscientiousPineapple1782
I am glad you decided to check-in. It sounds like your body is telling you to be good to yourself. Maybe it is time to put everything down and give yourself the chance to simply focus on what will make you feel better today.
If we can help, we will be here for you. Be well, my friend 💛
Hi @Compassionate,
Firstly, wishing you and your family the best for the coming year.
Happy New Year everyone. It feels like just another year, another chapter of the book of my life.
The surprises and disappointments that are about to come our way without any warning. Preparing my heart for these :0
@MayaCarino
Thank you for the wishes, Maya. I hear you as it can feel like life is full of unexpected twists and turns sometimes.
Your analogy is one after my own heart as I am an avid reader. It is nice to believe that we are closing the chapter on a challenging year. As in life, some novels take surprisingly positive turns. I sincerely hope that your story will brings you many moments of peace and joy over the upcoming year and for those to come.
Whether things feel positive or challenging, we will be here for you.
Take good care of yourself. I am glad you checked in today ☺️💛
Happy New Year Trauma Community
So I am a bit angry tonight. If this post is innapropiate, Iam sorry please remove it as I am just try to express my feelings safely and amongst a community I trust
I feel compelled to speak out about ignorant people and there perceptions of trauma. I had a very toxic conversation yesterday that I wish had not had taken place, but it so it's an oppourtunity to learn I guess. What left me so angry was this person's opinion that trauma is " exaggerated" and you should quote " just get over it". How can people be so cruel and cold? I am reallly bothered that people have this mindset and it really disturbs me.
@philosophicalShip9444
It is very important that you bring things like this up. It is a very appropriate post and has probably touched everyone at one point or another. I am sorry that you ran into someone who was uninformed or unwilling to learn about the lingering issues associated with trauma. It takes a tremendous amount of personal time, energy and courage to heal. In my personal experience, I find that people react in that manner for a number of reasons. Some out of fear of their own raw experiences, others are uncomfortable and most of the time there is a lack of education concerning trauma. It doesnt offer them an excuse to treat you with a lack of respect but may provide you with a way to heal from the experience. After all is said and done there are organizations (like NAMI and 7cups) that work hard to reach people. During the critical healing stage, I learned to focus on supportive environments and getting well. Now I feel confident enough to be a part of educating others.
Dont ever hesitate to express yourself in such an appropriate and helpful manner. You are helping others as well 🙂
I wish you the very best in 2018. 🎉
@Compassionatelistener108 Bless you. I think I am so used to toxic responses, that I just used that as a defense mechanism. I am grateful to have a place to share this, I mean I was thinking what if some told a War Veteran just to "Snap Out It" I mean you would think that person was so disrespectful.
@philosophicalShip9444
You are absolutely correct. I am even more proud that you found the courage to bring up the subject after the poor experiences you have had in the past. Hold on to this feeling for a bit. Feeling heard and having our experiences validated is very important.
What a wonderful way to begin the New Year!