Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Friday, 15 December 2017
Hello Everyone,
I hope that everyone is doing well today. This is the season where everything seems rushed and often the unanticipated delay occurs. It is the perfect opportunity to talk about teamwork and how important we are to one another. This community thrives because of the hard work of so many of those who dedicate themselves to this family. There is always someone who is happy to step in. I am thankful to be working with such caring individuals.
I also want to take the opportunity to thank all of you who have shared their stories, listened with unconditional positive regard and replied to posts simply to let me know that you are standing beside me. I have found inner strengh, courage and inspiration by getting to know each of you.
While it is late in some parts of the world, please know that I am a bit of a night owl and will be here throughout the evening.
Please feel free to check in and let everyone know how your day went, what your plans are for the evening or simply want to say hello as we all rush through this busy time of year.
I would love to hear from you as this night owl always enjoys seeing the compassion within this community.
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@Compassionatelistener108 Thanks for stepping in with Friday's check in🙌🏾🎉💛 Will write more later, once my thoughts are a bit more collected (racing, murky, thick with fog -- any aforementioned metaphor works. Just one of those days...😬)
@melliotm
Mellio! I am so glad to see you. There is never any pressure to say more than you are prepared to talk about. That being said, I am here for you if you want to share. It sounds like you are maintaining even though things may seem a little bit foggy right now.
Don't lose sight of me as you know I will be happy to be present with you. I will leave a trail of cookies for you to follow so you know you are not alone. 
@melliotm
Hey melliotm
Have you been gone? Haven't seen your face as much?You do a great job
@scarletPear1945 Thanks :) Haven't been gone, just resting/quiet. Feeling mentally fatigued after several rough sleeps with unsettling dreams (last night was no exception). Yesterday was somewhat of an "off" day for me. But I'm trying my best to practice self care and self compassion as the moment passes. 💛 How are you doing?
@melliotm
I am doing ok. I too am struggling with my emotional baggage to
I hope that you feel better soon?
@scarletPear1945 Thanks -- likewise for you ❤️⛺
hello
I am ok
@scarletPear1945
HI Scarlet,
I am glad you are doing okay as this week has been a long one for many. What types of things have you been doing during this busy season to stay present?
@Compassionatelistener108
I have been sucking plenty lemons, soaking in the candlelight of my Jacuzzi
I had a Christmas party tonight, but this week was enough. Business drama that challenged my own emotional health support/ priority. Personal challenges that awakened past trauma.
I stayed in, cooked a delicious dinner, checked in more here. After spending today standing up for myself as a priority with my colleagues who were making excuses for not doing so.
@energeticFarm4649
Hi,
It sounds like you are practicing self-compassion after a very difficult week at work. I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself at work. It is something that many of us have a difficult time learning to do as some are hesitant for a wide variety of reasons after experiencing trauma. I love the idea of cooking a beautiful, healthy meal as well. As many people in the trauma family know, I am often on the go and don't always do that for myself. Now you have inspired me to put it on my list of goals.
I am happy you checked in with us tonight. I find that I am suddenly craving something to eat. I feel certain it won't be as good as the meal you have prepared though.
It is not my birthday today, but it is nearby so today I had some friends over to eat at my place. Just for about three hours this evening. I cooked and put a dress on and everything. It went really well. We have four different languages between the six people that came.. so it was also nice to hear the conversation switching back and forth. This is the first time in my life I have ever lived alone so also the first time I have ever had a social event somewhere I live just for me. I had a really bad panic attack this afternoon and nearly cancelled. But I phoned my best friend who helped me through.
Today I have seen that I have some really nice friendships that I didn't have at all six months ago. The first year and a half that I lived in Holland I hardly ever went out to do anything or see anyone. Six months ago I went into a hospital and after being there for six weeks I moved into a place of my own through an emergency housing request. I still haven't had any treatment.
Recently I have received a diagnosis of cptsd, borderline and dependent personality disorder. I feel like for someone who had that diagnosis given on Wednesday I am doing pretty good two days later to have done what I did today, even if I did need to phone a friend to manage it. So for me today is a victory.
But the last week has been so fraught with anxiety that I haven't managed even one formal mindfulness meditation because I haven't dared to sit with my feelings. I am just waiting to feel that it will suceed and then I will be starting this back up again. The week before I was managing it. But the diagnosis process has made my levels of emotional sensitivity too high for a time.
@Kuma0187
Hi Kuma,
Firstly, I want to know that caring for yourself in such a compassionate manner is wonderful. I honestly had to read your post several times just to process all that you mentioned. Your Birthday celebration sounds lovely. It reminded me of beautiful scene from a film I saw long ago. I am thrilled that you were able to celebrate in such a grand manner.
There are so many positive aspects to your post. You have settled into your own home, developed wonderful friendships, reached out for help when you went into the hospital and again when you called your best friend to help ground you during a panic attack. You managed to begin your mindfulness meditation yet are completely aware of when to step back so your emotions don't become overwhelming. These are all quite brilliant ways of establishing a support network, practicing self-compassion and begining the path to healing.
Receiving a diagnosis can seem overwhelming for many reasons. It sounds as though it was the source of a great deal of your anxiety. While the diagnostice process is extremely important as it is meant to ensure that the person you see provides you with a treatment plan tailored to your specific needs. It can help some individuals to as they are able to understand things through increasing personal awareness (gently and over time) with more clarity.
Do you know when you will begin treatment? Hopefully having a consistent, dependable professional to help guide you will decrease your levels of anxiety as he or she will be able to support you and answer any questions you have concerning the process of healing.
Thank you for providing us with such an inspiring post. Don't forget that this is a safe place to share and receive additional support. I welcome you with open arms to the trauma family. We are here for you especially as you are waiting to begin treatment. I believe you will find others who can share their experiences openly and honestly.
It is a pleasure to have you with us.
@Compassionatelistener108
Thanks for such a lovely post.
I go back in January to see what the treatment possibilities are. It is actually a really complicated situation here and I would like to explain it all but I am too tired right now. It is nearly midnight here.
Maybe I can give a better response soon.
@Kuma0187
You take all of the time you need. Please dont feel compelled to share more than you are ready to disclose. Especially if it is going to add stress. If you need to speak to someone 1-1, the trauma community has many kind, compassionate listeners. It is just something to keep in mind if you feel it would be helpful while all of those details are being addressed.
Thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone. I wish you the very best.
@Compassionatelistener108
I have actually managed to start the mindfulness practice back up again after a couple of weeks when I didn't dare to. I was staying with my best friend (ex/future boyfriend) for a couple of nights and I feel so safe when can be back in the only place that ever felt like home that I did 10m the first morning and 20m this morning. I hope I can carry on with it again now.
The diagnosis, process and actually getting three of them, whilst I still have questions over others.. was reducing me to even more of a nothing that I usually am.
"Do you know when you will begin treatment? Hopefully having a consistent, dependable professional to help guide you will decrease your levels of anxiety as he or she will be able to support you and answer any questions you have concerning the process of healing."
No. I was just turned down for the treatment I was hoping to have by the psychologist who was making my diagnoses and who, whilst I respect his professional abilities to diagnosis, is a total klootzak. The kind of person who doesn't return a smile. So no MBT for me, I need to go to another waiting list for trauma therapy. If I could start treatment soon I would be happy with his decision, but I have been trying to access the MBT for over a year now and I feel that if it would not be possible someone could have said no a long time ago and now maybe I would be a the top of a waiting list for trauma instead of the bottom of one. I need to discuss it all with my psychiatrist in January. The whole process has brought me back to suicidal and desperate thoughts, stupid impulses to do unhealthy things etc etc. And this is why I was finding it so hard to answer your post.
"Thank you for providing us with such an inspiring post. Don't forget that this is a safe place to share and receive additional support. I welcome you with open arms to the trauma family. We are here for you especially as you are waiting to begin treatment. I believe you will find others who can share their experiences openly and honestly.
It is a pleasure to have you with us."
It was so lovely to read this. I am really struggling and I think I really need you guys.
@Compassionatelistener108
My day was hell. It started at 4am with a bitchy email from my client who drives me crazy, and me telling him off.
Then my lawyer and this business intern she brought on board (but I pay him not me), who I was telling off all of last week, had a meeting with me, where he was snarky and couldn't handle an angry aggressive woman. And tried to make it seem like he would do me a favor introducing me to someone I could have someone else introduce me to... His words to me (I'm the executive, he's the intern, who has been creating drama between me and my lawyer) "You are making it hard for me to make a reference for you" Me to him, looking at him point blank "I don't need you to make this introduction. I have another colleague who can introduce me. You told me you would and you didn't"
I told another tech executive what he said, and that guy was like "WTH?" In what world does he think he can talk to an executive that way? In what world does he think I need him to make introductions for me or think that gives him any leverage in a situation where I am already pissed off at his behavior, and he has already been a whiney b@#$ stirring up drama with my lawyer????