Catch, Check, Change
Happy New Year, 2024: Trauma Forum Check-in
January 1st.
Well, hello, everyone. We have made it through one more year. Let us pick up some new tools to put in our toolboxes. This post is about ways to help us work on how we think or feel about the things past and present that have hurt us. This is a simple way to begin to examine the thoughts. And feelings that the brain tends to hold on to. Negative words seem more accessible to focus on than positive things. How do we begin to take control of our minds? Let me explain a process that might be helpful.
Catch, Check, and Change negative words: Whenever you get a negative thought or feeling, Examine where that feeling is coming from.
Can you feel it in your body?
What does it feel like?
What happened to trigger that feeling?
What was your response after writing this down or just answering the questions? Does the reaction align with your values and morals, or does it no longer serve you?
Now, rewrite it to a positive. Practice daily to train our brains so that we
Are the captains of our own ship.
Thank you all for your participation and for being a part of the 7Cups Family😊
New year, new beginnings: Fresh Start the new year
tag list as of December 1st, 2023, by Audienta
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@WorkingitTrough2 thanks for the checkin ❤️
how do I rewrite it to a positive?
@mish3l
It will take a lot of practice to reprogram the brain to change to a positive, but it will and can if we stay consistent. The brain is a funny organ that kind of has a mind of its own. The brain remembers more negative things than it does positive so there is an art to retrain it to change the way it processes things.
As stated in this post, Check what thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. Where do you feel these emotions in your body? Write them down. This is the process of Catching the thought...once you can describe what it is, you can put a label on it. I heard someone say," You can't fix a hole in the wall until you see the hole." Because until we see the hole we have no idea it needs fixing. Now that I see an issue that no longer serves to help me feel better, that is something I need to address and change. So now I have Checked the source of that thought, I see the hole🤔, Now and only now can I begin changing the faulty thinking connected to it,
Chang is hard, and it is a lifelong process, so no quick fixes 😊. I hope that this helps. You are not alone on this journey; many of us here are striving to reach this goal. Be gentle with yourself as you strive for this goal.
Thanks for asking this question❤️. Thanks for being a part of this forum. We are all going to make it. Happy New year
@mish3l I love this exercise so much! Thank you, WorkingitThrough2!
It can be hard to think of a positive to replace the negative with. One trick is to think of what you would say to a good friend or loved one if they said this thing about themselves. (Bonus, this is also a little bit of flexing the self-love muscle).
@Nicole1 flexing self-love muscle, I love that!
@WorkingitThrough2 🤔🤔 I want to change some of my fears, like afraid the past will come back. Turn to a positive🤔🤔 I guess I'm as safe now as I'll ever be. I want to be comfortable in my own body. Turn to positive🤔🤔 there are many people worse off than me.
did I answer right??
@Tinywhisper11
Tiny, you answered very good😊. Now the trick for both of us is to Catch those negative thoughts when they come and see if we can feel any time effect in our body such as a racing heart, shortness of breath, bouncy stomach... and then maybe begin to ask open-ended questions of that thought until we can find the root negative word that has been fueling that thought and then we can now have an understanding of why the brain is processing this negative thought and can begin a new dialog to change that thought into what we desired.
We have to try to rewire the way the brain sees things. Learning to master our minds is a thing we will have to learn and do regularly 😊❤️.
Tiny, thank you for being here and for replying. We love you, my friend❤️❤️❤️❤️
Over the past couple of years, I have began to train myself to catch the negative thoughts. Rather than writing it down, in my case, I find it more helpful when I think things through. Each thought that comes to mind, will always have a positive and negative side to it. It's just for people with trauma, depression, or any other mental health aspects, the negative will be the first thought that comes to mind.
For the longest time, with my depression, I had felt "normal" when my thoughts are negative. It was like, I didn't think I deserved something good to happen to me. Positivity and happiness seemed so unreal. It wasn't until I stopped all my medication, and gradually try to change my life. Although I can't say depression is erased from my life, or that I've healed from all my traumas, but I have slowly learned to focus on the present and the future. Yes, negative thoughts still surface, but I've learned to take control of it more.
It is a long process indeed. Takes patience, courage, wisdom, strength, and perseverance.
@WorkingitThrough2
@Jaeteuk
AAh...I love your response. I am so proud and happy for you. I hope that others, including myself, can use your experience to motivate us to keep striving to reach that goal. I think that some of us get caught up in wanting this to be a quick fix, and it is not. Like you said, perseverance, patience with ourselves, and the courage to keep making strides forward.😊
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us and for being a part of this community.
Happy New year❤️
@WorkingitThrough2
Negative thought or feeling: I will never have relationships where I can feel safe and loved.
Where that feeling comes from: Past experiences, patterns, and abusive childhood family. Thought pops up in marriage whenever husband does something cold or cruel.
Can you feel it in your body? Yes, my stomach.
What does it feel like? Like it drops and goes in a knot.
What happened to trigger that feeling? I have false senses of security that things are going well, then something happens and I can never figure out why. I don’t understand why things can’t be simpler or it seems to be hard for people to be nice to me.
This reaction doesn’t serve me well, because it’s very pessimistic and doesn’t leave room for reality. It reflects my perfectionism and not allowing myself and other people to make mistakes.
Rewrite it to a positive: I am human. Other people are human. We’re going to disappoint each other sometimes. That doesn’t mean all is lost. I can tolerate the bad times and have faith that there will be good times.
I could feel the depression pulling at me as I answered the questions. But I’m trying to fight it.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Oh, how well written and expressed❤️. I resonate so well with your experiences. I am very proud of you for having the ability to recognize by catching the thoughts, checking the thoughts, and changing the thoughts. You did great😊, You are not alone in this struggle to train the brain in a new way of processing the negative thoughts that have a great bearing on how we feel and how we respond to them.
I am on this same journey but we will accomplish this with one step at a time. I commend you and I greatly appreciate your reply. Thank you for your participation. We got this.😊
@WorkingitThrough2
Ok. Let's check in about what thoughts we have had that were negative or unproductive to our healing process. I told you all that we would walk through this together.
I will begin by telling you everything I have said about What I have Caught. I felt anger in my head and my whole body. I allowed this anger to cause me to act out by ignoring the person who made me angry instead of saying to them that what they did made me angry, but I internalized the anger, and my body began to hurt. So now I have to CHANGE the feeling that I allowed to take control of me. And change it.
So, how did I reverse the negative thought that made me act out? I realized that we are all human, imperfect people and that I can not stop or change anyone but myself. It was their right to say what they wanted to and my choice of how I handled it.
I am proud of myself for acknowledging my first Check thought process. Has anyone else noticed anything?🤔
@WorkingitThrough2 well done ❤ I'm proud of you ❤❤
I don't actually understand what my feelings and thoughts are
@Tinywhisper11
It is quite normal not to know what you are feeling. Trauma causes those sensations to shut down; all we know is numbness. You discovered an important factor. That you can't or don't know what you feel. That is the CHECK......You did that. That was Huge. Trauma hijacks and distorts our feelings, and this is just the beginning of recognizing that the brain and our senses have hijacked us; it is a Protection mechanism. This is what we are doing: working with the NeuroPlasticity of our brain. Trauma over long periods of time causes this to happen. There is nothing that we did to make this happen. It just happens on its own. You also CAUGHT..... Empty and Numb...From now on we can move to how to get your Feelings to kick back in. You have a Loving and Caring personality and you spread love and joy all around this site. So some of your feelings are alive and well. So now you can begin to Martha that you are safe now and all is well daily to get the brain to recognize that there is a change in your circumstances this is how we begin the process of REWIRing the brain. Nothing quick or easy but a journey.
You did awesome😊❤️ Thank you Tiny
@WorkingitThrough2 oh I didn't know that. I just assumed it was because I'm not very clever. Ok I can work with that, I think. Thankyou ❤❤hugs you tightly ❤
@WorkingitThrough2 That is so nice of you to follow up with us. I hope what I’ll say will make sense. Maybe I shouldn’t write when my mind is swirly.
A lot has happened in the last days. I’m having some problems with my husband. I thought maybe some things were getting better. But he’s doing some of the same things again. This might sound strange but I’m not sure if I feel safe or not. I feel bad saying that. I want to have a forgiving heart. He is very good to me sometimes. I don’t think I understand reality. Like I’ve never had many people around me to know what’s to be expected. There’s a lot that happens on top of each other, lots of apologizing, then almost immediately the same thing again, then more apologizing. I think he really loves me, but I’m not sure.
There’s also, I was holding off the depression, but the thoughts are winning today, like I’m a bad person, I will never be happy, things like that. I’m sorry if that’s tmi for here.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
I am so glad that you came back and replied ❤️. Let me tell you that you did a pretty good job of explaining your circumstances. I understand what you are saying pretty well. My husband and I had similar issues. Intimacy was a major problem because of my trauma. He always would apologize to me put then turn around and do the same thing all over again. Now he has Dementia and has anger bursts that make me get triggered, and it is hard to fight off my anger. Often times I wonder is it intentional or is it that he just don't realize that he hurts me. It is hard to know where we stand in these types of matters.
This is all the more reason that we have to take control of our own selves. We can not be accountable for them. So, all of us who are willing to begin to dig through our muck and try to help our own selves better will feel and have more to offer to those who need help.
I appreciate your openness, and I commend you. One step at a time, and we are all going to make it across the finish line>❤️😊. Keep checking this thread for more updates on how we are doing❤️😊
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
You are more than welcome. This is what these forums are for. Thank goodness for 7 cups. I have met so many wonderful people here, Each of us with our own struggles.❤️I am thankful that you are a part of this forum and that your fears and problems are all valid. We are human😂. Although trauma alters our true perception of things because we have learned to protect ourselves, trying to make the brain see things in a different light is a true job in itself.
I have had a conversation with my husband about the apologies. I told him when you step on my toe and say you are sorry but then turn around and step on it again and again, I believe you were never sorry. Being sorry, you try not to keep doing the same thing if you know it is wrong. Have you asked Him that question, and if not, why do you think you have not? Have you asked him if he truly loves you? Why or why not? Let's try to see where you are in your thinking❤️.
I am not asking you to do anything that I have not done. My husband said he loves me, but in my head, actions speak louder than words. I think what he wants is a maid or servant. I am neither.
So things like that fuel my anger and I have to work on the fuel that causes the fire in my head.
@WorkingitThrough2
I always have trouble tracking negative thoughts and such because I feel like if I think about things too hard, then that's when it sometimes gets out of proportion. Hopefully, one of these days, I will be able to make these CBT therapeutic techniques work!
@PeacePink
I hear you, and it has been hard for me as well. I am really just beginning to start to catch the negative word sometimes. My biggest issue is being able to identify the feelings connected to the negative words. I have been so numb to my emotions but with lots of practice, we can do this😊❤️
