Christmas and the EMS
Holidays have always passed leaving nothing behind for the EMS but PTSD. Not to mention, Christmas is no wonder the worst. With all decorations around, there is not a better reminder you're performing CPR on someone in front of their family next to a Christmas dinner table and of course not to mention the amazingly decorated tree lying right there. I have barely been in the EMS for 3 years but already got enough ghosts around me trapped during this time of the year. People wish me "luck" by wishing me off for holidays but they don't get the fact that being on shifts isn't the worst to happen. Instead I'll be getting visits from my ghosts wishing me a happy Christmas. After a tough several months already, I'm destined to again be working Christmas this year, my 3rd since I joined the EMS. No matter how I try, there are no words to describe how it is to tell a family who were just celebrating to start planning a funeral. Or just get them to the hospital not having an idea about what's to happen next. Or get the question of "Are they gonna be OK?" which absolutely leaves you speechless because you either don't know or are afraid of speaking the worst. With not only the house decorated, but us blasting the streets with our lights and sirens in the middle of the brightest and most colourful Christmas lights fearing the worse to happen. It's true that I'm dreading working this Christmas but what I dread more is the few hours I'll be off work where everyone is out there enjoying while I'll get to celebrate with my ghosts and PTSD.
And I'd appreciate if you guys stop telling me to quit my job because this isn't how it works. Stuff are getting heavy on my chest so I had to let them out. I did consider quitting but no, I'm not quitting. If every paramedic quits after a bad call, there won't be anyone responding to emergencies so think twice before telling me to quit. And if anyone's planning to tell me that I'm supposed to handle a job I chose, also quit saying that because you don't want a monster treating you. After all, we're humans, we get affected and I guess you'd rather have a human treating you than an emotionless monster who enjoys seeing you suffering.
Society as a whole does not think about all those people who show up to their emergency .
They don’t care that every call leaves a mark, some deep , some shallow , some good , some bad and it seems too many are devastating. As a responder , it takes its toll to hold it together and do handle the situation calmly and without any distractions.
The worst and the best in people come to light in these situations, and for too many thinking rationally goes into hiding in times of distress.
The burdens of what is witnessed and has to be buried deep while on scene , and to keep it in and try and show respect for what seems like the majority degrading us at every turn can be overwhelming to say the least.
We are only human , I hope you have someone you can share those darkest of memories with and that they are understanding and can give you the support, love and strength you need everyday.
Thank you and you are not alone.
I’m definitely not one with my issues and history of wrong life decisions to pretend to know anything. But I do understand you’re loving what you do, just try to continue to reach out and not let the negatives that come with the occupation consume you.
Once it consumes you, the good that is being done, comes second to what is building deep inside. Do you understand what I am trying to say, or am I messing this up?
@TheRandomEMT I am so glad that you're not leaving the profession.
In every profession, there are ups and downs.
Everyone also, has good and not so good days.
Be thankful, for the good ones.
When, you're having a rough time, reach out, and get the support you need.
I am very proud of you for not giving up.