The Power of Forgiveness

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@amiablePeace77 ok I just write out 4 different replies and deleted them all. Perhaps I shouldn't comment on this one. So I'm just gonna give Ami a giant tiny hug ❤❤ and roll out♿♿

@amiablePeace77

I so much agree with you Ami! ❣️

But I heard it somewhere that the best revenge is to be get so focussed into personal development and growth that you forget what the other people do to you!

If you ask me what thought process goes through my mind when someone wrongs us, I try to take the responsibility myself! Simply saying, finding out why that happened? Was there any bit I could have controlled myself so that whatever happened didn't happen again!

Sometimes, people hurt us that bad because we allow them to do it!

Sometimes there is nothing within our control. Being kind to yourself is the most important thing we need to do. And accept that whatever happened was not within my control. And it will be all okay soon! I am strong enough to deal with it.

Journaling our thoughts, trying techniques like CBT, got to know about the transformation wheel idea as well from 7 cups. These are some ways we can deal with our thoughts post acceptance of the situation.

I forgive myself by being kind to me! Practicing self love affirmations and telling myself that it's okay to make mistakes because if we don't, we are not growing 💗

@amiablePeace77

First let me say wow what perfect timing for this thread as I’m going through this right now with 3 people!

• What kind of thoughts are going through your mind when someone wronged you and you have to bear the consequences of it?

Typically the type of thoughts in my mind are “Is (whoever) ok?” or “How can (whoever) expect me to be a mature grown up adult when they’re older than me and acting like so childish??” These are what I ask myself when I’m going through these situations with someone who’s wronged me. As for me having to bear the consequences part, it definitely bothers me a lot that I’m being punished despite not doing anything while they get away with wronging me all the time bc they’re the ones who should be bearing the consequences of their wrong actions. 

• How are you usually dealing with such thoughts and what helps you to find peace again?

I’m dealing with this by journaling my thoughts, listening to music, going out for a walk or staying out, and absolutely distancing myself from them even when I’m indoors, all of which helps me be peaceful again.

• What helps you to forgive yourself?

@amiablePeace77

• What kind of thoughts are going through your mind when someone wronged you and you have to bear the consequences of it? I get totally off the chain and want to hit them. I am enraged.
• How are you usually dealing with such thoughts and what helps you to find peace again? I think about how to pay them back, I think of getting revenge. Then much later I am able to begin to process a better state of mind. I am not this person who wants to get even or pay them back, that is not my normal frame of mind and I will not allow someone else to dictate or disrupt my peace. Then I slowly come to grips with that assault against me better.
• What helps you to forgive yourself? It takes longer for me to forgive myself for allowing things to disrupt my peace. I would have, should have rings loud in my head.

Hi Peace,

i have different thoughts on forgiveness. I don’t think you can forgive a person who is not sorry. I believe that you can come to acceptance and in doing so you can more honestly move on.

There are three things that need to be present in order to forgive someone. 1. A heartfelt and sincere apology. 2. No lasting problems such as physical damage. 3. An end to the offending behavior. If any of these three are not present then true forgiveness can’t be given. Remember, you can accept what they have done but how do you forgive them when they are not sorry or when you have lasting problems or when they continue the behavior?

i think it’s important to realize the correct word is “acceptance”. It feels better to accept what the person has done than to forgive a louse.

Whimsy

@amiablePeace77

What kind of thoughts are going through your mind when someone wronged you and you have to bear the consequences of it?

Why is this happening to me? What have I done wrong to bear these consequences?

How are you usually dealing with such thoughts and what helps you to find peace again?

Journaling: positive self talk, affirmations and gratitude.

Saying to myself that I am human and it's okay to make mistakes.

What helps you to forgive yourself?

Self awareness: being aware of my thoughts about myself and others, self acceptance: accepting the fact that we are all human and it's okay to make mistakes, self love: living myself by taking good care of myself physically and emotionally.

@amiablePeace77 I might not be the best person to say this.... but I believe the real power of forgiveness lies in forgiving yourself. Forgiving yourself for believing the lies others told you, for thinking you deserved their cruelty, and for not making yourself a priority. I’m not sure if we can truly forgive others—maybe it’s not even my place to. It could just be my own experience speaking, but I don’t think I can forgive the people who wronged me. It’s not about anger or sadness--it’s more of a general indifference toward them. I’ve forgiven myself, accepted what they did, and acknowledged it was a reflection of them and their character, not mine. And then I moved on.

I’m moving on without forgiving them. Even if they apologized (which they didn’t), I don’t think I could forgive them. Maybe it’s because I’m not that magnanimous. I also think true forgiveness comes from a third party—someone like a judge, or maybe God, or the universe (If the wrongdoers deserve the forgiveness - Clemency is not a right). There’s a legal principle too—“Pardon is the prerogative of the sovereign.”  (My dad would be proud I remembered that).  In law, it's typically the role of a judge, or a higher authority to extend clemency -- not the victim or the defendant. In the same way, I believe that for true forgiveness, it requires an external force, not something we should burden or impose on ourselves.

But now you might think-- Azure is contradicting herself -- if only a higher authority can forgive, then how can one forgive oneself? Well.... I believe the highest authority of self is one's own ideal self, which is shaped by morality and principles. Some religions even believe God resides in one’s self. So, the highest sovereign of you is yourself. You can forgive yourself, but when another person is involved, it changes. Damn, I got too philosophical and wrote an essay... but yeah, forgiveness is powerful. Forgive yourself ................. and if you can, then others too (your choice), but you should not feel guilty that you cannot.

@amiablePeace77

Forgiveness isnt about forgetting, i deeply believe that. Nicely put! You can forgive and leave that incident past you, when you do that, it just becomes part of your path and your unique journey. But its okay to give yourself time to forgive!

What kind of thoughts are going through your mind when someone wronged you and you have to bear the consequences of it?

I get hurt, and feel like ive been through a lot and life threw a lot of burdens at me. 

How are you usually dealing with such thoughts and what helps you to find peace again?

i think time, giving yourself time and tye permission to heal. You deserve thar burden to be taken off of you!❤️

What helps you to forgive yourself?

Thinking that im only human 

@amiablePeace77 it can be a huge challenge to remember that people are human and that everyone makes mistakes at time when someone disregards your human right to dignity and respect. Letting go often means starting on a journey of grief and repair from all the impact abuse and betrayal leaves in its wake. It’s okay to validate your distress and disillusionment created by someone’s emotional disconnection. Where ever you are in your healing journey, know your not alone and the journey recovery sometimes is long, see the things clearly beyond the storm can begin by letting go or severing the emotional strings often left behind by people’s false sense of entitlement.