Managing expectations towards others
Let’s start with a brief story about expectations
She was angry, very disappointed and in disbelief about what just happened!
“I’ve always supported her, stood by her side and now she goes against me in front of everyone!”
“I’m stupid, nothing I do is right and they treat me like I am worthless!” “I deserve this”
“I don’t know what to do, what I want. How can she leave me now?! I need her to be here and fix this situation!”
The end
What could have gone wrong here? What could be the problem with having expectations?
Here are some things to consider
Don't assume that everyone will agree with you every time. The majority of people have their own thoughts and opinions. Expecting others to consistently agree with yours is unrealistic.
When you criticize yourself, don't expect other people to acknowledge you. If you don't treat yourself with respect, you can't expect others to respect you.
When someone is ready to leave, don't expect them to stay. Letting go can be hard but it can also be the best for everyone.
Don’t expect others to be mind readers and know what you think. It does not work.
Begin by being truthful with yourself about your thoughts, feelings, and desires. After that, you can begin telling people about it.
When you are unable to solve problems for yourself, don't expect others to do it for you. There are times we simply need to reach out for professional support.
Participation question:
- When things do not turn out the way you hoped, do you stay calm or experience resentment?
- How are you dealing with feelings of resentment?
Helpful Videos:
Relax... Everything is Going to be Okay!
Helpful Resources:
The Psychology of Expectations
Seeking Help
Mental stress can cause us not to be able to see the good things in life and lead to excessive rumination or worries which can result in serious health problems. If you have serious, long-term problems with negative thinking and feeling depressed, see your doctor or talk to a therapist if they are related to any mental challenges.
Are you looking for a therapist? 7 Cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information on what happens in online therapy at 7 Cups, Read Lisa’s (a therapist and director of therapy) explanation
https://www.7cups.com/forum/therapy/General_2432/WeveLaunchedTalkTherapyon7Cups_319430/
To apply for 7 Cups online therapy, click on this link (must be logged into member account) https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1
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@amiablePeace77 things are always turning out different to what their supposed too😂 that's just life!
What does resentment mean?? Is it like anger or hate??
@Tinywhisper11
Resentment (bitterness) is an emotion can include disappointment, disgust, anger but also fear. It's a mixture of different emotions. It can be someone's reaction to injustices or something unfair that has happened in their life. I believe the more we accept that things unfortunately can happen in life the better we can move on.
@amiablePeace77 thankyou for taking the time to explain this to me ❤❤ so yes then I do have resentment, but I don't act on it, unless depression hits bad, then I complain and moan 😁❤
gives you a giant tiny valentines hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11
We are here for you to listen 💙
@amiablePeace77 thanks Ami ❤❤ I love you ❤
When things don't go well, I don't get resentful- instead, I frame the negative situation as an event in my life narrative and then use it as further proof to myself that my life is only getting worse and then I will self destruct lol. Need CBT, DBT, new meds, and a lot more reassurance in my life to keep me from being so melodramatic lol.
@determinedSea4370
Sorry that your life is so challenging. It must be hard to believe that life is only getting worse. I hope you will find the support you need here to build hope again and find ways to life a happier life.
@amiablePeace77 Thank you.
@amiablePeace77
Thank youuuuuuuu Amii💗 for this post! It's really insightful and makes us think consciously on this!
I believe it all come down to being empathetic to other concerns and openly communicating our feelings as well! Always about striking a balance.
There is no problem in having expectations but there is problem in having resentment and not expressing it.
Sometimes in life, despite of knowing that realities are different from what we think, it's difficult for us to accept them. But instead of resenting, we must talk it out humbly and calmly with the person in consideration. Instead of blaming them we must use the "I" pronoun to explain ourselves so that nothing turns into a blame game!
Relationships which we really supportive for us, it's normal to experience resentment but how do we deal with it matters.
Whenever I feel resentment, I try to find my space without stopping any conversation with the person in consideration. And as soon as I find myself in a state when I can communicate calmly without blaming, I do that!
But I will also say that, despite communication, sometimes things don't turn the way we expect! So it's okay, you wrote a very beautiful message up here that, letting go can be hard but it is also the best for everyone!
@amiablePeace77
- When things do not turn out the way you hoped, do you stay calm or experience resentment?
- How are you dealing with feelings of resentment?
My mother used to say that resentment was a default I lacked! I easily forgive, but not necessarily forget though. There are hopes rather than expectations. Anger about what happens to me is slow to rise, but then becomes effective. Some people have disappointed me but resignation was more likely. I also have trust in "karma", which I have seen happen without having to do anything about it.
There are a lot of people I know who are resentful and I am sorry for them, because that's a lot of baggage to carry around. They wish harm on others and sometimes go for revenge and retribution, which can only escalate to catastrophic situations. They are hard to understand but it is worth trying.
That was a lovely and well-written post, thank you. While we understand that having expectations can be problematic, we naturally want to do things for our loved ones. Ideally, we shouldn't expect anything in return. However, such purely altruistic behavior can be challenging, as we are, after all, human.
@amiablePeace77: I do get resentful, frustrated, and eventually destroy my relationships with others (especially coworkers). I go through many jobs because of this, and I have no friends.
@amiablePeace77
- When things do not turn out the way you hoped, do you stay calm or experience resentment?
Sometimes I stay calm. But there are also times where I can experience resentment tbh too.
- How are you dealing with feelings of resentment?
Depends on the situation and how much resentment I’m feeling. Generally speaking though, I’ll journal my thoughts and feelings about it, listen to music and/or write my own songs to take my mind off it and get back to calmness, have conversations with myself to explain to myself I have nothing to have resentment over and having resentment will not benefit me. And sleeping the resentment away too of course!!
@amiablePeace77
Great tips!💚
When things do not turn out the way you hoped, do you stay calm or experience resentment?
i experience resentment
How are you dealing with feelings of resentment?
I think remind myself to stay calm, and let myself feel it and move on
