Hey, I'm a Certified Counselor, ask me anything you'd like to
I had already posted this message in other places on this thread. But since I'm seeing new messages and questions coming in- I'm posting the same message below again.
Dear all, its been a wonderful experience interacting with a lot of people across the world in our 7cups community through this thread which has now been running over two years. I regret to inform that I won't be able to respond to the posts here, going forward. I'm unable to dedicate adequate time to be able to do this and hence I request everyone's understanding. Warmth and strength to one and all !!
For all those who are seeking support- 7cups have multiple group support forums and one to one listening services.Also there are self help articles and resources available free on the website. Please do check them out if you'd like to. Big hugs to all!
Hi! So, I
@UnassumingKitten678 Both of these could be connected or may not be.This is quite a specific issue and has to be studied on an individual basis . There's no one size fits all approach. I can imagine it must be really a challenge for you if you are fighting this in day to day life. If not already done, suggest you get an assessment and evaluation done by an expert and then decide the plan of action.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
What are good conversation starters when you want to talk to your friends about feeling unhappy? (Not necessarily because of them, just in general)
@ThePizza I'm glad you feel comfortable to open up about your difficult feelings with your friends. How to start- can be confusing though. Probably you could tell them that there's something you've been fighting with inside, and you trust them enough to share it with them
@SarahGeorgeDCS
How does someone cope with depression-like symptoms, mainly those at night? I've been overwhelmed with all that is going on in my life and it's been so hard to focus. All I ever seem to want to do is lay in bed or scroll aimlessly through my phone looking for something to fill the hole inside me... Some days it seems like I can't stop crying or get myself motivated.
@Birdie1425 Depression can be really hard to fight alone, and most times you may be feeling out of control. From what you shared, you have really been struggling internally and physically due to this and I suggest you take some one to one support to help you through this phase.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Finding consistent support has been difficult lately with finals looming closer, my boyfriend having a really hard time, my friend getting engaged so I don't want to bring them down, and the listeners I chat with on here tend to be busy so understandably don't have enough time... I keep trying to find ways to take care of myself, like saying I'll go to bed early tonight, but I have assignments due tonight so I doubt that will happen and similar things happen with other promises I try to make to myself.
@Birdie1425 Hmm, I can understand the practical difficulties. And I can see that you are pushing yourself to do what's necessary for your academics. Really commendable you're able to do that. Finding time for mental healtth can be difficult, but it is a priority. Therapy can be of benefit to you - in person, online -whatever works for you.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Thank you, I take my academic career very seriously despite the toll it takes on my overall health and I have been trying very hard to keep up with all that needs to be done. I have considered a few times seeing if I could find a therapist, but there are roadblocks with that as well such as time, money, and the judgment/treatment I would receive from my parents. When they found out I was seeing a counselor at the college my mom started verbally attacking me, prying for info and asking if she needed to take precautions so she won't find me dead (a close friend of mine killed herself a year ago which is why she had that concern, I'm not at risk). My father, on the other hand, gets very sappy and overemotional which makes me wildly uncomfortable. My life is not a very simple one sadly, though I often wish it was.
@SarahGeorgeDCS I feel this confusion in myself... I can't quite process what I want... I know what to do... and there are so many things I have to do... but I just feel tired all the time... as soon as I'm alone... all i do is think... i am okay around people... and when I am on my phone... but as soon as I am with myself... I feel like crying or i get angry... when I'm trying to keep my thoughts at bay... I fear that I'm ignoring my emotional state... not acknowledging them... and when I think... I panic and start obsessing over everything that will make me more miserable... please help me
@faithfulLand2395 You really sound disturbed and in pain. I can imagine the anxiety all of this must be causing you. I wouldn't be able to get into therapeutic advice here but I'd say that if you feel you are ignoring your emotional state - then that's probably a good time to take a pause and address it -wherever that's coming from. If you feel you need support to do that -you know help is always available in any form.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
hello. i want to know what this situaton im in means. I have a boyfriend and whenever we are on the phone i always get really anxious. this results in me not talking and it gets very quiet- and fast. It gets me very mad at myself and he gets frustrated as well. its an ongoing cycle, and i dont know how to stop it. he tells me i need to learn to love myself before i can love anyone else, and i agree with him. i dont know how to do that tho, i want to save our relationship. I dont know how, can you help me?
@tiger329 Can imagine your struggle - anxiety can sometimes get to you really hard. The good thing is that you are aware of the issue and you've discussed this as a couple as well. Probably, you need to work on understanding where's the anxiety coming from , is it only about you, has it got to do something with the relationship etc. Building awareness is key to figure out ways to deal with it. This being a specific situation, won't be appropriate for me to give any therapeutic advice here. See if you can talk about this to someone you trust and try understanding the issue in depth, if not may be consider taking some one to one support. Wishing you all the best!!
@SarahGeorgeDCS
thank you so much!!
Hi, i am dealing with anxiety and severe social anxiety disorder. ts getting very hard with me to be peaceful with myself. I have no one to talk to and i feel like i am going to ecplode.help me
@Shir1682004 Hmm, you sound really disturbed. Seems like you are keeping it all in, and dealing with it all alone. You mentioned social anxiety 'disorder' - so I'm guessing you've done an assessment and got this diagnosed by a professional. If not, please do so first and then you can understand what sort of support to seek. Help is available, you are not alone!!
Hi, I was wondering if you could help me. My mind goes blank all the time and I sometimes I cant think of anything and sometimes when I do think of something Im unable to express myself. Sometimes I dont even know what emotion Im feeling.
@Tharris1537 I can imagine that must be quite frustrating and confusing. I'm sure there's a lot more to understand before we can get to what's the underlying issue. Being unable to have clarity of thought and expression - could have to do something with communication skill, confidence level and self esteem, or anything else. You'll probably have to work on building self awareness at a deeper level. Do seek one to one support if you feel you need some handholding through that process. Sending you best wishes.
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Hi Sarah. I have been oversleeping for the past few weeks/months? I don't know how it started but it's definitely getting worse now. I'm a uni student. I don't have difficulty getting to classes but on my free days or when my lessons are in the afternoon, I can't wake up in the morning. I even take afternoon naps in between where I always set an alarm for 15 min but end up sleeping for 2/3 hrs. I feel super shitty when I wake up. Sometimes, I don't even think I'm sleepy, I just really need to lie down. I'm in bed for more than 12 hours somedays and I constantly feel tired. Should I go see a doctor about this? Am I depressed?
@crimsonPineapple6055 Hey, you seem quite confused and worried about this development. Good that you have decided to address it. Yes, its the right approach to meet with a doctor first. This will help you rule out any physical/ health concerns and he/she will be able to refer you for your mental health evaluation. I know it can be scary not knowing what it is - but please know that you are not alone. Support is available to understand this and help you work on it. Take good care of yourself !
I have a wedgie fetish. Is that normal? I was even addicted to it but now I am in control. What things should I keep in mind? Please help.
@dynamicCucumber339 You mentioned being addicted and gaining control over it now - which is commendable. If it's there at a level of addiction or obsession that's it is bothering you or coming in the way of your daily life, then you may want to get to its root and then work on it. Each person may experience same issues differently. I'm glad you are willing to address it and speaking about it. Do seek one to one support if you are feeling disturbed by it.
My teenager is in a PHP program. She's estranged from her dad and we're in the third year of a custody fight because she refuses to go back to his house. He gets two hours a week with her which he hasn't exercised in months. Yesterday, 3 weeks into the program, he met with her therapist. The therapist then emailed us both a list of new requirements. These requirements included me removing her from her magnet school, never speaking about him to her, never speaking to her about her past or allowing her to do so, and doing therapy with her dad three times a week. He physically abused me for ten years while we were married. I am not ok with being in close proximity to him that often. It gives me panic attacks. I told them on day one that I wouldn't do therapy with him, we'd have to alternate, and they were ok. I emailed her back and said, this list is not ok with me, can we meet to discuss? And she responded, copying him back in, all communications and meetings will include both parents now. For transparency.
The last time he heard me say he beat me, he sued me for slander. I had to bring in the police reports and diary entries and get witness statements and the judge dismissed the case because obviously but it cost me 3k. I can't afford that while I'm fighting this other case. I can't say that in front of him. So I can't say it all.
This feels so very wrong to me on so many levels. What can I do here? How do I fix this? I've been up all night crying and upset because I don't want this at all. And I'm trying to keep this from my daughter but she'll know the second she sees me and her dad together that something has gone very very wrong because that's not a thing that would ever happen normally.
@littleetain There's a whole lot on your plate right now, and you seem really disturbed emotionally. You've already been through a lot which you don't deserve to. I'm glad you are assertive about taking a stand for yourself. Your emotions and your safety are utmost important, as much as your daughter's emotional needs. I can imagine this is not an easy fight at all for you and its natural that you feel discouraged at times. From what I read, there are many practical constraints that are along your day, your determination and fighting spirit is key to figuring out a way. Right now, I understand that there are no clear answers and no immediate solution - now its important to calm yourself, and then you can try and work towards getting some clarity to enable you make the right choices. I can't get into specific therapeutic advice here, but please reach out to available resources for support. We have fee listening support on the platform as well. Its important you don't suppress all the disturbing thoughts and emotions. Sending lot of warmth!!!
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Wow, you started right off by calling this struggling person emotionally disturbed?
disturbed emotionally
I want you and all therapists to understand that you push us away with many of the terms you use. I spent a lifetime avoiding getting help because I was told i have a personality disorder. Doesnt any professional understand how it sounds to a person with very low selfesteem to hear that in the first moments of reaching out for help?
It sounds like an attack to somebody like me who suffers from who-knows-what terms you migh use.
It makes people like me feel attacked!
@BriskWalker70 Thanks for sharing that feedback. Sorry to know that it has come across differently. In text, intention can be misconstrued at times. Just so that we are clear, it was labeling, rather I was referring to the pain in their words. But yes, I see where you are coming from , thanks again for sharing that honestly.
@BriskWalker70 *wasn't labelling
@turtling To answer your questions about what you can do and how you can fix this, although I am not an expert, I would first say that there seem to be several separate issues that are tangled together in a complicated way. I'm not quite sure how to untangle them a little, but I'll take a guess at it.
One issue is that your daughter is in a PHP program to help her recover from something you don't specify. Whatever it is, it's important to help her recover. I don't suppose you can fix this yourself—it's a job for professionals—but you can usually exert some influence on the professionals if you feel it's not going well.
The exception, perhaps, is if a professional was appointed by a court. In that case I suppose you might have to go back to the court to exert any influence, and there could be a lot of resistance and expense.
Another issue is the custody fight. You have already established in court that he beat you, and your daughter refuses to go to his house, so, based purely on what you have written here, it sounds like you might be making progress towards getting sole custody, even though the path is a difficult one.
A third issue is the therapist, who seems to have come up with some very strange requirements without first discussing them with you. On the face of it this seems unprofessional.
I think meeting her to discuss the list was a good idea. You could reply pointing out that you have not agreed to these new requirements, you have sought an independent opinion (which you have done, here) and as a result you still require to meet her to discuss her list before agreeing to it.
If you do eventually have to meet with him, I'm not sure I understand why you can't say he physically abused you. According to what you have written, it seems a court has ruled that you can say exactly that.
A fourth issue is your panic attacks. I imagine it would be helpful for you to get treatment, if that is at all possible. When you already know the specific trigger, treatment for panic attacks is usually very successful and doesn't take long, as far as I know.
In my opinion, to be up all night crying and upset as a result of a stressful and uncertain situation like this seems like a perfectly normal reaction. Personally, I would not use wording like "disturbed emotionally" to describe what seems to be a normal reaction.
Also, the phrase "fee listening support" contains an unfortunate typing error. There is no fee to pay when you chat to a listener here. There is a fee to pay if you choose to engage in online therapy.
If you'd ever like to chat to me about all this, feel free to click on my profile picture and message me.
Charlie
