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Hey, I'm a Certified Counselor, ask me anything you'd like to

SarahGeorgeMA April 26th, 2018

I had already posted this message in other places on this thread. But since I'm seeing new messages and questions coming in- I'm posting the same message below again.

Dear all, its been a wonderful experience interacting with a lot of people across the world in our 7cups community through this thread which has now been running over two years. I regret to inform that I won't be able to respond to the posts here, going forward. I'm unable to dedicate adequate time to be able to do this and hence I request everyone's understanding. Warmth and strength to one and all !!

For all those who are seeking support- 7cups have multiple group support forums and one to one listening services.Also there are self help articles and resources available free on the website. Please do check them out if you'd like to. Big hugs to all!

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BeyondTheInfinity April 26th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

What are some tips you like to share for a social anxious person, who has irrational fear of being judged in public?

2 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP April 26th, 2018

@BeyondTheInfinity

Social anxiety can be a scarry place to be in, I understand. Firefighting techniques you will need to try and see what works for you when you are facing the difficult situation . Considering the long term emotional well being, I'd say it would work better if you can get to the bottom and work from there. Though you are saying its irrational, this fear of being judged could be coming in from somewhere.Practising mindfulness would help to a great extent. This can be done through exercises available online or even in your daily chores like say cooking or walking.Visualizing ( you could even use something like virtual reality gadgets for this which will give you a feel of a crowded mall for instance ) and mock situation trials would help you challenge yourself. One thing that really works is helping other people facing similar issues cope. Hope you find these helpful :)

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2 replies
BeyondTheInfinity May 4th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS Thank you for few tips and suggestions. loved them! You rock :) I will try meditating and situation trials. It sometimes become very difficult because of low self esteem, I just can't get this out of my head, that people are judging me, the way I walk, the way I wear clothes, or when I cross them while walking/driving.

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP May 5th, 2018

@BeyondTheInfinity I understand it's difficult for you. That's why we all are here to support you . You can find individual support as well when you feel you need to. It's difficult but not impossible to transform ..it may take time..but I'm sure you ll do it. Hugs!!

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Dreamxcatcher May 20th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS I have self esteem issues. I think I'm a dumb person. I think I am not good enough. I think I ruin everything all the time, unintentionally. I believe these things. What I can do about this?

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP May 20th, 2018

@Dreamxcatcher Hmm, I understand you feeling inadequate and critical of self. It is great that you are acknowledging how you feel. You talking about it shows that this is something you want to improve in yourself. Self worth doubt is something deep rooted in you probably, it is important to work on this, figure out where the insecurity is coming from and address it. This will need time and getting some support can definitely help you when you yourself are not able to be objective about this. As a small tip, you could try jotting down your ideas about a perfect human being. It could give you a picture of your 'ideal self' and how that's making you judgemental towards your own self.

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June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

Hey Sarah. Salutations. Do you have any tips for dealing with low self esteem and addiction to internet, especially 7 cups

2 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 6th, 2018

@Fairmindedskies2001 Hey , thanks for reaching out. Self esteem is something that needs to be worked on focusing on with an individualistic approach depending on where the person is at. It is something that needs healing and transformation from within. Basic process starts from building awareness and understanding where you are at. Needless to say, if there has been any past issues where self esteem was impacted negatively, they will need to be addressed with utmost care. Positive affirmations are a great way to help yourself maintain a healthy self esteem . Another thing is to keep a watch on put-downers, i.e. how you put yourself down by saying or thinking negative things about yourself .Then rationalise what is the actual truth about your qualities. Think over who put these ideas in my mind in the first instance. Keep in mind that somewhere sometime someone has made you believe all these negative thoughts about yourself. Think and write down what is the truth, and the rebuttal to the negative statements. Hope this is helpful. As far as internet addictions and 7 cups is concerned, first see if you are actually addicted or just that its a habit. See for yourself if there is a high amount of dependency. Addictions mostly find place in our lives to fill in an existing void or vaccum. That root cause will need to be worked on for long term benefit. If not, once you get off this, something else will pop up.

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1 reply
June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

Thank you so much for your guidance

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June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

And btw even I am an Indian

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@Fairmindedskies2001 Oh awesome, good to see people from India here.

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LoverofLove14 June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

My ex fiance and I broke up a year ago after he cheated with a thinner and younger girl and he just left me with no reason or apology and no closure. We had been in a relationship for a year. I have tried different tips to move forward from google but they don't help.

How can I move on and be able to date again. I can safely say he broke me and left me feeling like a reject.

Thanks

4 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@LoverofLove14 Can imagine the deep hurt and rejection you're going through. When you say ex-fiance, I can imagine how emotionally invested you must have been in this relationship. So you finding it really difficult to get going forward is understandable. Sometimes, time is not the best healer. Separations are after all like losing of a loved one forever. You may need to go through something similar to each of the staged in the grieving process if its that deep. You could google that up. I can give you some tips -but you told me these " tips" kind of stuff hasnt worked for you. There's not much one sit fits all kind of stuff when it comes to these things. So, I guess it needs some work to be done consciously towards healing from within. If you feel like you need some help with that process, I suggest you to get some one-on-one support for that.

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3 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

*Stages in grieving process (Sorry for the typo)

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IknowwhoIam93 June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS My stepdad's father just passed away and I haven't cried. Me and his father weren't close is it wrong for me to not cry when everyone around me is?

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@IknowwhoIam93 I want you yourself to think over what makes you feel it is wrong. Crying is an expression of your inner feelings that naturally comes out. If you feel like crying , then you do and if you don't feel like, you don't. It is as simple as that. You are a genuine person, and you do not want to fake your emotions to show off to people -which is really amazing. And to empathize with your loved ones aound, its not necessary that tears are necessary . Simple gestures like holding their hands tight, a warm hug, etc can make them feel you're with them in this hard time. I hope this is helpful.

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toughPineapple5596 June 6th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS how do you know that a person has anxiety?

2 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@toughPineapple5596 All of us have anxiety in different levels and at different points of time. If it is making you dysfunctional , affecting your daily life, and stopping you from things you want to do- then it needs to be addressed. Panic attacks are the most common signals that its time you took this seriously and starts working on it.That said, there's nothing wrong in addressing it even if its not come to that point. When you notice a pattern, or that its becoming a habit or a part of you- if you start working on it that time, it would help you to prevent it from getting to you, and yeah it will add balance to your personality as well. Anxiety disorders are more severe problems, which will need a medical practictioner to diagose and treat along with counselling support in most cases.

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toughPineapple5596 June 7th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS thanks for answering

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Axyl698 June 7th, 2018

Hello Sarah! I'm Axyl. I'm a transguy. I'm 16 years old and, currently, closeted. I'm debating on whether or not I should come out as trans to my transphobic parents (who refuse to admit they are). If I tell them, I doubt they will kick me out of the house or physically abuse me. From the way they reacted to me coming out as pansexual, I think they will believe I'm confused (even though I've known for years) and then continue to blame my friends for "negatively influencing" me. They will end up talking about this scenario everyday in the "nicest" and "calmest" way they can until I stop mentioning it. BUT!! Even though I know how bad it will be like, I still want to come out because once it's out, it's out. I can be myself for the most part and eventually, they are going to have to get on board. And if they don't, I'll be okay because I'm moving out in a couple years either way. Anyways, I'm not saying all this so you can solve my life. I'm only asking for some advice. Anything would be helpful and thank you!! :)

4 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@Axyl698 I can imagine the dilemma you are in. It is indeed nothing less than a traumatic experience when you have battle and convince people around for something you just naturally are. To have fought that battle from a long time, I can understand your frustration and kind of helplessness as well. You mentioned your parents themselves did not have the courage to come out about their identity , so even if they are opposing you when you are being brave , they may somewhere inside be able to relate to what you're going through. So, don't give up. I understand they are really important to you. So, heart to heart communication in the best way possible would be key to put it across to them. Avoid accussation, focus on your own conflicts and emotions, and empathize with why they were not able to come out about themselves. May be you could writing a letter or something to pour your heart out and initiate the conversation. Each of the choices that you will make will have its consequences, and you should well aware and prepared before you go for it. I hope you get to a whole lot of happiness and peace of mind which will make all this struggle worth it. Hugs!!

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3 replies
Axyl698 June 8th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

Thank you so much!! I was really planning on writing a letter them. Hopefully, they'll read it and understand!

2 replies
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 8th, 2018

@Axyl698 Sorry for all my typos! was typing from phone :)

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1 reply
Axyl698 June 9th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS

Totally fine, I understand :)

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AquarianDreams007 June 7th, 2018

@SarahGeorgeDCS what

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@AquarianDreams007 What motivates each person would be different. A simple example- At work, someone would get a high from being appreciated by boss, someone else might get it from a monetary incentive. So it is important that you build the self-awareness and understand what all drives you to do better. Goal setting -short term and long term and tracking the progress is definitely a technique that helps most people. Maintaining a gratitude journal is something you could try as well- so that you will acknowledge your simple achievements and derive some energy from them. Also you may have to see if motivation levels are low for certain things in specific and you're all enthu about certain other things. If so, it could be a matter of lack of interest which needs to be addressed separately. Hope that was helpful.

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June 7th, 2018

Hi I was looking for counsellor from long time. How can contact you as here when I try to connect a bot come and their is no end for waiting.

1 reply
SarahGeorgeMA OP June 7th, 2018

@Maturefriends Hey, you could click on the profile and directly message any therapist. If you contact any therapist directly you will not get the 3 day trial period which you normally get when going through the therapy request bot. If you went through therapy request, yes a bot will take it and it will be allocated to any of our therapists. They will definitely respond to you in 24 hours time.

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