AA isn't for everyone
I have been struggling with alcohol since 3 members of my family died. Alcohol has numbed the pain but now become a problem in it's own right. Last week i attended my first ever AA meeting and i do not doubt the wonderful work that they do. But it wasn't for me. I do not believe that alcohol is an allergy or an illness. It's a maladaptive coping strategy to a highly addictive substance. And we can beat it.
AA left me feeling powerless, but i'm not. I started drinking and i can stop. It is a cruel addiction that i will beat by finally addressing the pain i feel over my bereavements. I commend the AA as they help so many. Wherever anyone can find help, then i applaud them. But on my journey, it wasn't for me.
We all must heal in our own way and in a way that resonates with our truth. I wish everyone peace and healing and i pray for that for myself.
@sooty41
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with alcohol and attending AA meetings. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have a problem and seek help. I admire your determination to overcome your addiction in your own way and find a path that resonates with your truth.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to addiction, and it's important to find what works best for you. AA may work for some people, but it's not the only option available. It's important to remember that recovery is a journey, and there may be bumps along the way. It's okay to try different approaches until you find what works for you.
Remember to be kind to yourself and take things one day at a time. You have the strength and resilience to overcome this, and I wish you all the best on your journey towards healing and recovery.
@Mya000
Many thanks for your kindness and i wish you all the very best along the journey of your own life, no matter what challenges you face.
Take care xxx
@sooty41 Thank you for your kind words and well wishes, they mean a lot. I wish you all the best on your journey as well. Take care!
@Mya000
intherooms.com
@sooty41
I went to AA and I felt the same way. It just did not work for me.
I think for some people it can work very well.
Like you, I just do not believe that alcohol is a disease. Or that we are powerless over it.
I stopped drinking just over ten years ago. Mainly with the help of my wife.
@sooty41
This is a take that doesn't get discussed often so I really appreciate your candor.
A big part of recovery is recognizing that you are abusively using highly addictive substances to filter your reality and that you need to change that. The problem that most people, myself included, end up having with AA is the disease narrative. The notion that you are forever somehow marred because of your addiction. It's not unreasonable to suggest that that approach to recovery can be really demoralizing and even counterproductive for a lot of people. Especially since AA is kind of marketed as that one thing, out of all the things, that works and that if AA (for whatever reason) is not for you then you're the one that's failed, not the program. And that sucks.
There's no doubt that these programs can be incredibly helpful and that they save lives in many cases. But they just don't work for a lot of people (for a lot of reasons), and that's okay. There's no shame in looking for alternative (or even additional) means of support if that's the case.
I'm not sure if there's a forum post that offers a reasonably comprehensive list of resources specifically geared toward the alternatives to AA here, if there isn't I'm sure you could ask by creating a new forum if that's the route you want to explore. What I can guarantee though is that there are listeners, professionals, and members in this community that are willing to offer you support in the meantime while you navigate your way through this.
@JonahhMinusTheWhale
Thank you for your reply and you have expressed my own sentiments exactly. I felt very uncomfortable at the AA meeting and how formulaic it was. For me, alcohol is a symptom of the grief i'm experiencing. I'm not ill or allergic to alcohol as i'm the ripe old age of 48 and have never drunk before now. It is a maladaptive coping response to the loss of my soulmate. And now it has become an addiction, which is the very nature of alcohol. I need help with my grief and i need a reason to live when all i want is to die. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and i wish you well xx
@sooty41
I spent 2 years in AA and was miserable, their answer was to do more AA. That didn't help me be happier, just the opposite. I had to hang around a bunch of people that i didn't care for just because we have the same addiction.
P.S. Alcoholism is not a disease it is a symptom of something deeper.
@Gettingbettertoday
I agree completely. The meeting just made me more depressed and with a terrible feeling that i was out of control. I agree also that if we address the underlying issues and the underlying pain then we have a chance at finding more healthier coping skills. AA made me feel powerless, but nothing in life ever changes unless we try it by ourselves. All the best on your own journey xx
@sooty41
There are great alternatives. The substance abuse course here on 7 Cups helped me a lot last year! It's a practical way to look at your habits and decide if and how to make a change. SMART recovery is another program I've heard good things about.
It's ok to not want to go to AA. they haven't updated their program to keep up with science, so treat fifties-era beliefs like dogma. The reason it works is because it gives people actions to focus on besides drinking and tons of social support. You can get both of those things elsewhere.
@Alia3475
I think the idea of people meeting, sharing stories and views about their lives, this can only help.
We are creatures of communication and we need community.
This is why AA works for so many people.
Maybe I was unlucky with the group I joined, but it was very strict. I could not get past the whole god thing. It just didn't work for me.
But I did meet one guy whose life was totally turned around by AA. It really worked for him.
That was very encouraging to see.
@gregariousBunny4035
Thank you for your reply and i totally agree that AA works very well for many people. But it just left me feeling depressed and that i lacked any sort of control over my addiction. I applaud anything that helps anyone to feel better and more positive. But for me, it's a case of looking, trying and continuing to search. All the best xx
@sooty41
I had the same feeling at AA. I went to meetings for about three months.
But I realised at that point that it was not working for me and I left.
I had a few phone calls and people sent messages to get me to come back. But after a while they stopped.
I did go back to drinking after leaving AA. But I knew that I had to stop.
And eventually I did.
I had my last drink on the 10th June, 2012.
@gregariousBunny4035
Ah goodness...i am super proud of you. Well done. I know how much determination and sheer courage it takes to stop. You must be so proud of yourself and all that you've achieved.
Sending love and hugs xx
@sooty41
Thank you.
I spoke to a CBT practitioner who said I should be proud of not drinking. I tend to beat myself up about it instead.
Honestly if the God thing is the only thing that bugs you, there are so many ways to approach it. (I attended Al-anon for a year or so.) I knew one atheist who chose "time" as his higher power. Another chose his home group as his, because he trusted them more than he trusted himself. It's not necessary to believe in a Christian God or any deity, but it is helpful to think there is anything beyond your own mind that can see a better way forward.
That said, hoo boy it gets weird sometimes. People will talk about their conversations with their higher power and it starts to sound a bit unhinged sometimes.
I wrote a candid reply which seems to have been disallowed. We all need to talk, share our stories, grow and be inspired. Whatever resources have helped others then i applaud them. Anyone who makes a change i commend their courage. It is all about finding our own way. AA may well have helped many and i am delighted for those people. But one approach doesn't fit everyone. The deeper issues need to be addressed. I drink because i am grieving and i cannot get over it. Personally i think that most folk abuse substances for an underlying reason and that is where the healing needs to begin.
I send so much love to everyone on their own journey and hope for healing.xx
@sooty41
I wish you all the best. I really hope you are able to stop drinking.
I will not say to you that my life turned around completely and the sun started to shine every day. Of course not.
But life is better without the bottle.
I read a book called Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate. He is a doctor who treats addicts in Toronto.
When I read this book I found it totally enlightening. It was like the writer was revealing the truth about addiction to me.
Just a recommendation. It helped me a lot, maybe it can help you too.
Best of luck.
@sooty41
Try Wellbriety circles, many online groups. I attend 5:30p cst with the Iowa Nation of Oklahoma