The Story of You

We love stories. Be it a book that you can’t put down or a movie that has you on the edge of your seat, stories are great because we don’t have to do anything but experience them. They pull you in and you follow the flow as the narrative unfolds.

Our brains are wired for stories, and storytelling. Most of our history has been passed on through spoken or written word. It is how our ancestors made sense of the world and found purpose in life. They would tell stories around campfires, a ritual still done today. These stories would be simplified and then shared with others, and on and on.

Stories have a way of saying

A) this is where we came from,
B) this is where we are now, and
C) this is where we are going.

They bring cohesion to life and help us find meaning.

Many of the larger groups that we are a part of tell stories too - companies, charities and even countries. Stories are powerful because they bind us together and help us work towards a future we all agree upon and want to see happen.

And when you think of 7 Cups, we are millions of people - millions of stories - that all get woven into the larger story that is 7 Cups. I see it as a book we are all writing together. We just celebrated our 10th birthday where we shared our story and told it in a deliberate manner. For this post though, I want us all to think of our individual stories.

There is a type of therapy called narrative therapy. The basic idea is to tell a story about your life. You are the hero of the story and the central character. Who are the supporting characters? What are the chapters in the story? Chapters often have to do with transitions like starting a new role or moving. There are natural chapter breaks in our lives.

Here is a simple outline for a 3 part story:

A) this is where I came from - here are the challenges I faced and how they impacted my life.

B) this is where I am now - this is how I am adapting and, if possible, overcoming the challenges I’m facing.

C) this is where I am going - I experienced this pain or went through these challenges and now I am giving back to others to redeem the suffering.

For example, my quick story might look like this.

A) Where I came from - My parents did their best, but faced a lot of challenges. They were not super equipped for managing life or emotional pain. I needed to step up to help learn how to manage pain, persevere, and find a path through for myself and those I love.

B) Where I am now - I have been through lots of therapy, have an amazing wife, have a lot of great people I work with, and an awesome support system of people on 7 Cups and off 7 Cups that support me and believe in me. I have healed from a lot of pain.

C) Where I am going - The lessons I learned early on, and all the healing that has happened, has given me a unique way to come alongside others and work with them to help find better ways of supporting people to reduce suffering. The work I do on 7 Cups redeems the pain that I have experienced throughout life. It brings me meaning, purpose, and joy. We have come far, but we have a long way to go.

When we face challenges in life, we develop defenses or coping mechanisms as a way of learning how to manage them. For example, for me, I learned how to take care of others. If I could take care of them and get them to a good spot, then there would be less pain for me and the overall family. This was adaptive and good, but I also overused this defense and ended up spending too much time worrying about others. Over time, and through lots of love and compassion, I’ve healed and now have better boundaries.

Sometimes we don’t like being in our story. It can be easy to think that our story will start when X happens. My story will start when I graduate, or get this job, or get in this relationship. There is something we look forward to that takes us out of the now and says our story will begin when X is accomplished. This often happens when we do not like the part of the story we are in now, usually because it is difficult or challenging.

But stories often are never-ending journeys, untapped talents or memories, all waiting to be told.

I like to think that most of the time life unfolds or provides us with tailored problems or personalized challenges that meet us where we are to take that next step on the journey. The problem IS the path is a saying you’ll hear often on 7 Cups. For these reasons and others, it is important to know that your story has been unfolding, is unfolding now, and will continue unfolding in the future. All of our stories are now. We are in them as we breathe, eat, play video games or even watch a show.

7 Cups is an emotional support service that works through sending messages. When you string those messages together they tell a story. It might be just one part of a story (eg., I'm uncertain and worried about my relationship with my partner; I’m struggling financially and I don’t know how to get enough money for these new expenses) - but it is still a story. And when someone listens, they validate us; they help us learn how to better see and articulate our story. We become more aware and can see our own life unfold - the narrative arc - and begin to hope for better futures.

This community is made up of remarkable people. I have been in tough spots and people have listened to me. I’ve shared my story and I have listened to others. There is always a warm bowl of soup and a spot by the campfire that is 7 Cups. Thank you for sharing your stories here and thank you for listening.

If you’d like to experiment with the above exercise here, then share your 3 part story below. The most important part here is to keep it high level, not to go too deep/painful or share anything identifiable or too personal (1:1 chat and group is great for this though). We are going for a sketch to show the throughline - this is where I came from, this is where I am and this is where I’m going. And if you are interested in learning more then you can also check out the hero’s journey.