Self-Forgiveness - A Short Video Message & Discussion

Thanks for making this video Laura and everyone else for your insightful posts. I struggle alot with self-forgiveness, usually feeling like a bad person for doing what I think was wrong and that usally leads me downward into a self-destructive spiral, and I don't want to go there. I will try saying that I forgive myself and that I'm human and its normal to make mistakes sometimes when I mess up. Thanks again, I hope you make more helpful videos like this!

Hmm forgiveness is hard in general for me. Especially when I have had expereinces where someone hurts my feelings and they never apologize to me and yet they forgive themselves for being mean. And it hurts especailly if people afterwards are worshiping thier ground because they have "beauty of being able to forgive themselves" And it is hard to forgive myself because I added to my own troubles in that instances by saying something about myself that is not true. Like i wanted to be with someone intimately because that is what everyone expected to hear and I did consider that feeling. But in reality I just wanted to a friend and company and a study buddy who cared for me. It didn't have to go beyond that. So I can get really frustrated with this thing near me that goes along with what people want to hear me say and thinks I am a way which I am not. It is hard to forgive myself for letting myself be confused and dazed and influenced by other people who I thought wanted to help me who cared for me. Though now that I realize this people are mean and will try to do that and people can fall victim to them. And it didn't mean that that was my fault. Just that I was trying out new things too of expressing what was on the top of my head even though I was just saying it out loud to see how it fit sounded and how I felt about it. I myself not anyone else. And then I knew I just want a friend. And of course I knew then that people just want to sabotage other people and don't really understand someone nor sometimes do they take the time to really care for someone and that they are stuck with their thinking and what they think not so much finding out what the other person thinks. They think a person is how they think they are and don't give them a chance to infrom them how they are or be who they are. Rambling.. I guess I mean to say self forgiveness is hard when you don't really know what happened. and so is forgiving other people. So it is good to understand yourself and the other person involved and to be fair to both, hold both accountable and grant where it is called for and just,then it comes.

I am definitely not proud of a decision I made in the past and have punished myself for 3yrs now

it helps to forgive yourself and forgive others by questioning and looking into the thing which you find unforgiveabel about yourself and others... And really looking at it form all perspectives and getting to know yourself and others... so you can understandwhat happened. Of course it was a mishap. a mistake. wrong. like how we tell ourselves.But it is seen rightfully and without all this tumult of anger and loathing towards self and others when you look all around it. when you go deep and investigate everything fairly not judging putting judgment aside. having compassion for yourself and others and allowing yourself to do so. And the best part you learn about yourself and the other person and "that which you untie on earth you untie in Heaven" :)

Thanks Laura!

Everyone must see this a quick *bump*

I'm working at it...it's been a hard year.

Thank you for this post, throughout my life I've had high standards and expectations for myself, and needles to say that the feelings of disappointment and self loathing can be overwhelming when I don't live up to my own expectations, I usually try to just learn from them and move on rather than dwelling on them but every once in a while they'll come back while I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep and ruin my night, perhaps if I engage in self forgiveness I will avoid all those unnecessary negative emotions.

That is hard to watch. Intellectually I completely get it. But where I stumble is the why, which interferes with the actually doing it. I still feel awful about things I said when I was 6, when I was 19, last week at age 50. I don't spend all day ruminating about them, but when I do something stupid they all serve as handy arguments in support of self-loathing. So in the video when it comes to saying I forgive myself because I love myself, those are words that would stick in my throat. The best I can do is tell myself to let things go for pragmatic reasons, because getting stuck on past transgressions interferes with doing good today. I'm still very much trying to decide whether I can make the effort to love myself...

I struggle with self-forgiveness so much. Sometimes I'm scared to meet people again after years simply because of something I've said then and now regret.