Relapsing sucks
Hi everyone. Umm, so, I struggled a lot with self harm in the past for multiple reasons, but I haven’t done anything in over a year, and haven’t even been bothered with thoughts for probably about 6-8 months. Recently my husband and I got pregnant, and I’ve gotten super depressed, and with that, a lot of my self harming thoughts and tendencies have started coming back. I’m really struggling because I honestly kind of hate myself for it, which obviously doesn’t help. I just don’t know what to do anymore, and every day I’m terrified that I’m going to completely relapse and put myself and baby in a really dangerous spot. I’ve tried talking to a few people, including a therapist and my husband, but I just can’t get it to stop, or even just become tolerable.
@straightforwardLion9986
I am worry for you. I don’t have any good advise. I like to do affirmation and write declaration/goals down. I re-read these to myself when I slip or when I am having a very hard time saying no. You can try noting the reason why you won’t self-harm and for who and re-read it everyday.
When I get overwhelm and anxious, I pray asking for strength to defeat my darkness. Usually i start my prayer with “I pray to my Heavenly Father and our Mother Earth to give me the strength to defeat so and so, the wisdom to guide me…” other time I would say “…please grant me your sword to defeat my demon, your shield to separate me from so and so, the wisdom to stay true, the power to protect so and so.”
I don’t know what trauma you have gone through, but I hope you will make peace with them somehow. If you current therapist isn’t helping, you may want to look for a new one. Finding the root of your issue is important, especially when you have a little one. You may also want to make sure you are screen for postpartum depression after the baby is born.
I hope you stay strong and tall. Sending some positive prayer and vibe your way. May peace and light be with you always.
