I'm really struggling *** trigger warning***
trigger warning.......
I'm really struggling. I went fro cutting occasionally to cutting nearly everyday for the past two weeks. I was working closely with my therepist on the matter but as of a few days ago I reached the point where I can no longer afford to see my therepist. I feel so lost. today I cut the word " smile" into my wrist. I need to talk to my therepist but I cant even afford that.i dont know what to do anymore. I dont know when I'll be able to afford therapy again and changing to a new therapist doesnt feel like an option for me. I have some deep deep trust issues.
@notmyselftoday
Hey there !
Im deeply sorry to hear that youve been struggling with self-harm on a daily basis lately, and that for now you can no longer afford your therapist with whom you were working on it.. Changing therapist is indeed a really hard thing, especially when you got to the point you could trust your current therapist and work efficiently with them…
Do you think that for meantime you could work with yourself or a friend or even a listener just as you would have worked with your therapist? Im not sure how you were working on it, but maybe there are some things you were doing with them that you could still do by yourself (or with someone else of course) when feeling like self-harming until you can see them again or until you are feeling ready to try a new therapist.
Also, I know its hard with trust issues, but if theres anything at all we can help you with, were here for you. We can brainstorm coping strategies to try out, we can chat to distract you when you feel the urge to hurt yourself, you can check in with us to tell us how youre doing and so on, were here to support you so never hesitate to contact us when youre feeling like it!
Take care and stay strong x
brainstorming strategies is in fact a good idea. thanks for the support @LinearWaves
@notmyselftoday
You're very welcome! I'll message you a link with ideas of coping strategies, so you can read it and so we can discuss it if you feel like it x
@notmyselftoday
HI there, I am having a hard time too, but is going to be OK, I am having very heavy anxiety, I am having a hard time sleeping, but it will get better. So keep your mind positive Things are much better than what we think, it will be OK.
thanks for the support I do hope things get easier for you as well.@Noworries2
@notmyselftoday
Thank you very much
@notmyselftoday
I am so sorry you are feeling so lost. I really feel for you. I know that you were starting to get really involved in your therapeutical relatioship and I get how difficult it would be to have to stop talking to him now, especially when things are so tough for you.
Can you think of anything that may help you? Would you like to brainstorm some ideas together? I remember you wanted to do daily checkins with your therapist. How about joining our daily checkins here on the subcommunity? It may offer you some support, even if it is not therapy of course. How about also having a sort of accountability partner? I'd be happy to do that with you, and have a thread for us.
I know that having trust issues everything is much more difficult... Please just know that you are not alone, we are here to support you as best as we can...
*Hugs for you, if this is ok*
@admaiorasemper
thanks for the support as always. I would love to brainstorm some ideas . I also love the the idea of an accountability pattern but am unsure how that would work exactly . *hugs backs* thanks again .
@notmyselftoday
Let's start with brainstorming then :)
What it is that you think you are going to miss the most during this break in therapy? For instance: a non-judgemental listener, a supportive listener, the possibility of safely lashing out, the gain of understanding and awareness, etc.
As for the accountability partner, we could perhaps have a new thread (here in the SH subcommunity or somewhere else too if you prefer), and you could write there as often as you want if you have urges, if there is anything you want to get off your mind, if you have a relapse, really anything. It is a way to keep trace of what happens to you in an interactive way, and I will try to help you gaining awareness, and I will support you. This is a general idea of what it could look like, but it could be something totally different should you wish that.
Thank you for hugging me back, that was really appreciated :)
@admaiorasemper.
honestly its probably all those things you listed plus for me therapy helped make the noise that's always so loud in my head just be quiet . plus my therapist scott now knows me better then anyone so that was just comforting . I love your idea for an accountability partner , I'd just prefer if there was a more one on one way that we could do it . simply because the threads can sometimes leave me feeling exposed if that makes sense.
@notmyselftoday
I really get how comforting it is when your therapist knows you very well and you feel free to tell them anything without the fear of being judged. I do hope you can find some comfort and pride at the idea that you were indeed able to open up with them as you never did before. This is something extremely brave to do when we have trust issues.
I also get the sense of feeling exposed here in the forums. Unfortunately, being a member I cannot send you a PM... I will create a thread for us on the General Support subcommunity though, and specify it is for us only. We could give it a try, and see how that feels like... and if you are not comfortable, we will just drop it :)
@admaiorasemper by the way I made it through yesterday without cutting and I'm honestly not sure how.
