I'm f* alone for life
That's it. I am a 19 years old guy from Brazil and I don't want to keep trying to get in a relationship. Everytime that I F*ING SHOW INTEREST OR COMPLIMENT SOMEONE, THEY NEVER GIVE IT BACK. IT HURTS.
Why can no one at least, AT LEAST compliment me? I've never received that.
And I really think that I am at least a good person. I always try to do my best, and what do I get back from this? Anxiety, loneliness and a part of me telling me to give up. EVERY DAY.
What did I do? Why is so hard to find someone? I've tried so many times already.
While that, I see all types of criminals, drug addicts and more with girlfriends, wifes etc. I simply have no words for this, I just want to end this suffer. I wish I couldn't feel anything.
@exhaustedmind1 awww sweetie I'm so sorry, it's hard to keep putting yourself out there, when your constantly knocked downđ your only 19 so don't give up yet †I understand that all the bad guys seem to get the good girls. But there's so little good guys like you left so don't ever change that †you know you'll find love, never give up on yourself or other people , you deserve love and kindness †I'm sure you'll find your princess soon enough đ †gives you a giant tiny hug â€â€ it always seems hopeless until one day it's not đâ€
@Tinywhisper11 thank you <3 but I don't want to have more hope. I still have just a little bit, and it's that little that keep hurting me
@exhaustedmind1 Youâre still very young. You may be going about things in the wrong way. For instance, complements are your gift to someone, not something to be traded. You need to find self esteem that doesnât need compliments. Sure they are nice to get but of really limited value. The gift you get in return is seeing the other person relish the complement you have given them. Enjoying their joy. If you do that, they will not only enjoy the complement, they will see your sincerity and generosity and that will be what really draws them to you. This probably doesnât make sense now but someday it will. Ask yourself where and how you can learn skills of attraction (not âlaws of attractionâ). Â
@PineTreeTree I'm sorry but this really didn't help. I don't want to make assumptions, but you probably have been complimented, so you know that you can be attractive and loved. And I need to learn "skills of attraction"? I want to be loved, not to play some kind of mind games, only to get hurt more and more again.
@exhaustedmind1 Well there is looks and there is behavior. My looks did almost nothing for me until I changed my behavior.Â
@PineTreeTree I've never seen a girl look to me. And the ones who did it, disappeared a few days after.
@exhaustedmind1 And talking about behavior...man, I keep a good conversation, but it simply doesn't work, because the most impossible thing WILL HAPPEN to keep me single.
I am a gentle person as far as I know, but yeah, seems like it's not what they want.
I am making myself a victim which is not the ideal, but it's not possible that I am making worse mistakes than a criminal who have a girlfriend or even a wife.
@exhaustedmind1 You are not the only 19 yr old who doesnât have a girlfriend. I know it sucks. 19 is not the apex of knowledge about how the world works. Sorry that I have not been as understanding and gentle with you. I know you have tried lots of things and have been frustrated and confused about why other people have luck when you donât. Donât give up. Finding friends and girlfriends is an important thing for men. It can be brutally painful to see it work for others and not for ourselves. Iâve tried to tell you the solution that I found and I understand why it would not make much sense. I do remember someone trying to tell me the same thing when I was around your age. I understood their words but I didnât really get what they were trying to tell me. So Iâll leave you with this piece of advice. Read a book or two or five about how to find and build relationships. Read a few books about developing a relationship with yourself. I hope you find the solution to your problem. I believe you will.
@PineTreeTree and you wrote this assuming that the person is single, straight or will keep in touch with me. Because you know what? I've tried to approach girls that had boyfriends, were lesbian or simply disappeared. And that was only some of the cases.
I will learn these "mind games" to compliment someone, and I will have TO HAVE HOPE (AGAIN) THAT EVERYTHING WILL "WORK IN MY FAVOR". AND ALL THE SCARS I HAVE HAPPENED BECAUSE OF THIS SAME HOPE.
@exhaustedmind1 PS: talking about the girls that had boyfriends, I thought they were single, of course. I wouldn't do that if I knew they were in a relationship.
@exhaustedmind1 Iâm not talking about mind games. Iâm not talking about manipulation. What Iâm talking about is human nature. If you are confident and friendly then you wonât activate peopleâs âspidy senseâ (referring to Spider-Man). If you âwantâ something girls will sense it and it can be a turn off. But if you are only about having a friendly conversation initially then they will let their guard down. But feel free to conclude that wonât work for you. Either look for solutions or just complain about it.Â
@PineTreeTree and I DID look for solutions. You are starting to be rude. Is this what girls like, huh? *** idiot.
@exhaustedmind1 hey now, pine was just trying to help! Please do not call him names
@Tinywhisper11 sorry.
Sorry Pine. I think I got too stressed.
@exhaustedmind1 it's ok sweetie †we all get stressed, gives you a giant tiny hug â€â€ I hope everything starts getting better for you soon â€
Also, big hugs to you guys. Thanks for the effort in helping međ
@exhaustedmind1 No worries
Thanks!
I have been going to a psychologist since the start of this year. We've talked about PTSD in the first months and now we are talking about this problem I have. Things might get "better", although it probably won't make any difference.
@exhaustedmind1 Thatâs great that youâre working with a psychologist. I feel encouraged that youâre work will make a difference.Â
@PineTreeTree thanks :) yeah, I'll see...
@exhaustedmind1 No I did not assume their gender or relationship status. My advice was about relationships generally. And advice about âkeepingâ a relationship was NOT what I was saying. Try working on attractive behaviors before graduating to making lifelong partners. Try focusing on a single conversation or single date and donât worry about the results.
@PineTreeTree well, it's easy to say to not worry about the results when I complain exactly about it.
We are talking about different problems.
By the way, if this "sense" really existed, then A LOT, and I mean A *LOT* of people would not get a single relationship due to their problems, such as trauma, anxiety etc etc.
This is something that I have but it doens't justify by any means the *** bad luck I have.
@exhaustedmind1
I was in the same boat as you, and in some ways, I still am. It's easy to get frustrated when you're not noticed or loved, it's like you're invisible. Let me compliment you on your courage to step out and post this here for us to read, you're not the only guy to suffer like this. Some of us far older than you have to put up with this too.
Based on the post you made, it seems like you're a very passionate young man. I don't think there's nothing wrong with you, just that you have expectations, and the world around you is not meeting them. Have you considered that the women you've been chasing are broken, or have problems of their own? maybe it was not you, but them? maybe they don't know how to deal with a good natured person like yourself. There's always more to a persons story, and you never know what kinds of struggles people your age are dealing with.Â
I hope to encourage you to focus what's important to you. Social connections are great, but give space in your life to grow as an individual, and strive for something bigger than you. know that us older guys care about the young ones still growing. Hope this helps
And yeah, the girls I chase might be broken as well, but even if it's that, it does not matter a lot. I don't know where they are, and they will probably reject me anyway.
I was going out a lot recently, and soon I will again because I will start to work (hopefully this year). I also have some dreams to conquer in the long run, so I always want to improve myself as a person. And still doesn't matter.
I don't know how this is going for you (since you said that you is still kinda in the same situation), but I can not only focus in growing as a person. I do this but I STILL want someone to love and to love me in that way that seems impossible to me.
You said that's always a history behind every person, and at the same time that I completely agree, I still don't understand. It's simply not enough. I don't know, maybe I want an objective, a complete answer to understand WHY I SUFFER SO MUCH FROM THIS. I went through a LOT of *** and I can't get even the basic, that billions of people get AT LEAST ONCE in life. All I get are material goods that I would trade in an instant for a good relationship.
@brightCake1421 and thank you so much for complimenting my courage! đ
Hey, hope you are feeling better about this lately. I wanted to reply cause maybe it somehow helps you, but writing this will probably help me too.
I am a woman who is older than you. I was struggling with the same issue when I was your age and then I finally get the compliments and the relationship, but it was not the answer.
We tend to think that being wanted by somebody is like a magic wand that will immediatelly makes us feel better about ourselves in our lives. For a while, yes maybe. But people, including myself, tend to see their love interests as something that we should have in order to feel vaulable. But isn't it unfair? Talking to someone just beacuse of their potential to be our next lover? What I am saying is, instead of trying to have a lover, what is more important is to trying to have a solid connection with someone, getting to know that person. I realized I sometimes miss that point. In your situation, it's understandable to want attention or compliments from anyone. Because when I was thinking like you, I was keep saying to myself "To prove myself that I am worthy of love, somebody should find me worthy of love". Well that's a bit sad cause what if somebody does find you worthy of love and then decides to leave you? Then what? You are unworthy now?
Anyways, what I am trying to say is these kind of thoughts help me, I mean instead of keep insisting on finding a boyfriend, trying to understand my motive about it. But there is nothing wrong with insisting either, it's your life, it's your way. No one can know excatly what you are going through. No one can know what valuable insights you'll get if you lead your own path.
From one struggling human being to another with compassion
Well, it's really difficult for me to know if even with a girlfriend I will not feel..."full", "satisfied" or something like that. To me, this seems to be the answer, but I do know this is not the ideal; however, I can't think otherwise for now...
It is almost impossible for me to see a girl and not wonder if I should approach her (already with the pretension of a relationship).
My psychologist said that I would go out more to places that I would find people compatible with my values, and I will do this. But it will be my last try.
That makes sense, hope things go great this time! Take care
@marydaisy Thanks! you too
Hello exhaustedmind1 you may call me zero, I have read you problem and I do wish to tell you sorry, though I can not make some one like and wish to be in a relationship with you I am here to say it makes no since to simply give up for the fact nobody wishes to date you, I have no doubt in my mind you are a wonderful guy and I encourage you not to loose hope there is always someone out there for all of use, but in the mean time try focusing on yourself, be thankful for what you have in the moment, and for what it's worth I am always a friend who is here for you, be safe and never give up â„â„
@Zeroseventeen017 thanks for the words, zero!
I already focus on myself every day, but you know...sometimes I wonder if all of this worth it.
Well then maybe the question you need to ask yourself is, is this all worth it, is what you worry about important to you, and if so why??
Whatever your response is to those are it's up to you, but then when you do have an answer maybe reflect on it for a few days then you decide if it's all worth it, because nobody in the world can decide, anyway have a good time be safeâ„â„
@Zeroseventeen017Â improve myself doesn't worth it for myself, but it's important to the professional area. Of course, not for relationships, because girls never care about me.
For now what I feel is, again, frustration. Nothing seems to care, to make a difference. I think I really never will feel how it's like to be complimented, to be kissed etc etc.
And to be fair, it doesn't seem logic to be thankful for what I have now if my body and mind is desperately claiming for other thing. It's like being thankful for having a chocolate pie to eat when you are thirsty - it is good, but you want something else, which in this case is a basic thing (or at least should be...).
Again, doesn't care if I improve myself or not in order to try to get in a relationship, because if that would make a difference then a lot of sedentary, lazy (and other adjectives) people wouldn't get a relationship, but we know the answer.
Well, it's very ironic that the universe (or God, as I believe on Him) makes me suffer from a thing that I will likely never get.
@exhaustedmind1 heyy buddy! I'm lia and lemme tell ya, you're a mighty fine looking person ( trust me, I know it when I talk to one) đ€âš
@crimsonPapaya7218 thank youđ
@exhaustedmind1 You are never alone. You are strong and capable of everything you put your mind to.
@uniqueWatermelon8496Â We can do almost everything we want if we put our minds to it but in my case, relationships are not one of these things.
If I keep trying this just because "I believe I can" I will find myself on the edge, complimenting people without receiving anything back.
@uniqueWatermelon8496 but thanks for the words. Hope you have a good week.