I hate my skin tone. Please help.
I know this sounds bad- and it probably is. I'm not racist nor am I colorist. I love black skin but I hate it on myself. I was born in a German, African American/Native American household. Half of my family is white or mixed. They say they're black which is true. But they're extremely light, they don't understand my feelings. My mom is one of them, she always talks like she understands and can't seem to understand why I hate my skin tone and she makes me feel bad about it. But she doesn't understand that unfairness I'll be subjected to just because of my skin tone. How many dreams of mine were crushed because of my skin tone. How much harder things will become due to my skin tone. I'm not dark by any means, I'm also considered light skinned. I maybe look like a mix between Cardi and Doja. I have heard so much stuff in my life, tbh, I don't want to explain that part. I also want to cosplay white characters, I know that I can and my skin tone should not judge what I can do, but it does. I know people will judge me. I can't help but hate my skin tone so deeply. My aunts, my mom, my Oma, and my cousin are ALL really light skinned. I've grown up with these people, yet I can't help but want to look the same. I remember being upset when my Oma would tell my cousin how similar they were. My Oma was my world when I was younger so I think that helped start my hate for my skin tone. Ik this is cringey and straight out a book but I used to look at magazines when I was younger and wonder why I wasn't the same tone as my mom or the models. I used to try to scrub my skin off in the shower, hoping it was just dirt. I don't think I've recovered mentally because I still don't like my skin tone. Sometimes I do still with its all just dirt. That if I cut all my skin off, when it grows back I'll be lighter. I know that's not true though. Please don't tell me to get off the internet. These issues have been with me since I was 6-7. I didn't have access to the internet till I was 9. But even then, I only played offline games. I didn't get on social media until COVID started. Which was during the summer before 7th grade.
@resourcefulDay8807 Hey there. I'm so sorry you're not happy in the skin you're in. Hate is such a strong word, but you have every right to feel the way you do. I hope it's ok that I respond to you. No, I may can't relate to you because of the color of my skin versus the color of yours, so I don't have the slightest clue to what you have gone through, but I've gone through my fair shares of prejudices from others. Still,I am here to remind you that skin tones of all colors are beautiful! Diversity is beautiful! Your skin is beautiful and you're literally a product of your parents and ancestors. I know you may wish your color was different because of your family members being lighter, but you are fine just the way you are! Self acceptance and self love are big! Please surround yourself around people who love you and care for you. Surround yourself around people that don't see you for the color of your skin. This hate you have for your skin tone is something you have endured for years. I truly can't imagine how that must feel. I just wish when you looked in the mirror you would see the beauty in you. I wish you could see that your skin is beautiful and that you could come to love and accept it. ♡ I hope one day this happens for you. Until then, please be kind to yourself!
@YourCaringConfidant Thank you, I will try to. It's just hard for me. My skin tone is somehow always brought up in conversations with my friends. I know they mean no harm and what they say is harmless; it just makes me feel worse. I'm used to people responding negatively, when I tell them about this. Thank you.