Setting Boundaries

Thanks for this post💖 I am having a little bit of a difficult time too. The person isn't harassing me. Neither are they being forceful in anyway. But they are making it really obvious that they like me more than friends.

When I started getting a hint that they might be into me, I started giving less frequent replies like mentioned in the post. I also mentioned that I am currently not ready to mingle or anything and said that if their lines are a proposal, it's not possible. But when I say that they need to find other relationships they can depend on, they insist that I am the only one who understands them. 😞. They were having a difficult time too so idk how I can deal with it without hurting them.

So important! *bump*

That's really something

Bump!

@InvaderStitch

^Really great post! Just saved me. Thank you so much. :)

I had exactly this dependency issue with a member on here. In the end it even made me deactivate my account and go on a self care break for a few months. I only recently got back to being active.

It had reached a point where they told me I was the only reason for them to not do another suicide attempt. They would get mad or even self-harm when I reduced my time on here or went on vacations irl or when I established the rule that we'll have scheduled sessions twice a week (and I wouldn't talk to them outside of those sessions).

What eventually made me leave was when they admitted they had fallen in love with me. Although I'd made it clear from the start I'll gladly support them as a listener and a friend, but nothing beyond that. Not to mention that I don't even have "the right sexuality" to fall in love with them.

So yeah... I totally didn't know how to "detach them from me", cause everything I tried only seemed to make things worse. And it scared the hell out of me to have that much responsibility. Literally their whole life seemed to depend on me.

In fact I only dared come back because they aren't on 7cups anymore, they deleted their account in the meantime. I hope they didn't commit suicide for real because I left... :/

I'm not a listener, but I have a member harassing me (I've blocked him on all the other sites I'm a member of, and blocked his telephone number). There doesn't seem to be anyway of blocking him from posting on my feed.

@LittleLotte So sorry they became so dependant on you, thats never easy and can become quite draining.. You had mentioned you blocked them on other sites as well as their personal phone #? Currently it is asked you Refrain from sharing personal contact information (ex. Social media accounts, home addresses, phone numbers, messaging apps/sites, or any other medium of contact off-site), simply as once you make contact off the 7 Cups platform we don't know who's on the other side of the screen and it can be dangerous, harrassment can be involved, etc. I know you mentioned you had to block them off other sites as well, thankfully if you stay on one platform, you only have to block on one platform if necessary! I encourage you to check out the Community guidelines here! Remember to stay safe

@MissMeghan Unfortunately it was the other way around - I knew him on another site and had swapped numbers before he ever came to 7Cups. I recommended 7Cups to him by text message as I couldn't support him enough and thought a listener would be helpful for him. I never share my personal information with people on 7Cups. However I do have the same username on 7Cups as several other sites which makes me easier to find.

@LittleLotte Oh no Ive referred people I know offsite as well, its understandable that could get harassing.. Im Very glad to hear its the other way around though and your being active in the Safety Community! (And that your aware of how to be safe, yayyyyy :3) Oof sadly having the same username can make us easier to find, Ive done that out of habit myself in the past to. I hope your not currently being harrassed by that member, as I know that post was awhile back! Were here If you need anything

@MissMeghan I think he's finally got the message now thankfully. I feel sorry for him but my safety has to come first.

@LittleLotte For sure!

The posts in the forum were very helpful to me.

I focus on the LGBTQ+ community and it's very easy for the younger people to "fall in love with you." (Been there, done that when I was their age).

....But now I am here, years later, with a ton of life experiences. Some I share if appropriate.

I am currently in a 32-year relationship with my partner, unheard of in the gay community when a long relationship is usually May to December.

I still have issues with those becoming so dependent that if you don't chat with them when online, they threaten self-harm. I then wonder if it did occur after I log off for the day. ( have anxiety over that)

Then at times I go the other way, and cannot wait for Member-x to log on because I care for their issues (and them) so much. I need to be able to back off when I find myself having a "crush" on them.

Do any of you that are LGBTQ+ have issues like these?

Thanks a million.

I believe it's important, about where the chat is heading. and the things you can and can't say, via the rules and personal boundaries. To keep the member focused on what the problem is

Boundaries are, important. Because it gives you, protection, those of us ,who have partners, particularly in sexual chat, where I feel uncomfortable, I advise them, that I do not do that, and offer them the chance, to switch to another listener

This is so important and I need it to hear this!!!

Thanks for the valuable information , It helped me a lot🌱💜

I know boundaries are important bacause people can become too dependent and you can feel a bit guilty to say no but you have a life too and fill feel burnt out if you try to do too much and forget your personal life.

Yet another amazing post that I found through the QLP training. Great information. Thank you for taking the time to write this