I am a Christian. Dear Christians What is Wrong with me?
As I was thinking about writing this, I remembered a time I sat in psychiatrist's office. He was trying to treat my OCD. He told me these pills might take way my sex drive. I replied, good I don't have a need for it anyways. He seemed a little shocked by my reply.
One time I was in a psychologist office, and we were talking about my feelings. I remember telling him that I didn't like my feelings.
Why don't like my feelings? Because my feelings hurt almost all the time. Why don't I like my sex drive? Because I am not married, and therefor I have no one to have sex with. I just have sexual lust and sexual lust is a sin. Anyone that is a Bible believer knows what I'm talking about.
As I think about my loneliness, I feel sick, and hurt. If I didn't have these feelings I probably wouldn't care, that the Christian Church seems to have rejected me. I wrote about my Church hurt and I also have a long writing explaining all the bad things that happened with both my parents and me with Church. I'm not going to go into all of that right away again.
I work for a school. I'm a 2nd shift Janitor. If you have read me before, then you already know that. Just about everyone in this SECULAR school building, claims to be a Christian of some sort. Yet I don't see them trying to outreach to anyone that they might think isn't one.
Just few years ago, i surprised one of them. When they learned I was Christian, they were surprised, and yet I knew what that teacher claimed to believe. She has bible verses printed on cards, taped fast to her computer monitor. They are also laying on her desk. And she even has some Christian devotional type books, laying on the desk. Why in the world, someone like that doesn't at least try to make connections with someone they don't think is saved.
If a Christian person would try to outreach to me, and invite me to their Church, I would feel honored that someone would even notice me!
I don't know why it is so hard for a Christian like me to get connected to other Christians.
Lately I have been struggling with my blood pressure. I think the reason why it has been high lately is because my circumstances with other people is causing me pain.
I want to share the kind of effect this is having on me.
I hear my voice in my head, saying this.
"Nobody likes you because you are a loser" repeat, repeat, repeat, and repeat.
@tryingtosurvive2024 you are perfect in God's eyes nothing is wrong with you.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I found your message this morning, because I was searching this section with the same thoughts. I feel so lonely, the constant heaviness for so long is depleting me. I go to church, I volunteer and try to meet people in different ways, but no one seems interested. I try to have the attitude of reaching out first and not waiting for others to initiate, but then I’ve actually had people who I thought were like me tell me they’re not looking for friends. Can’t get much more direct than that. I think my personality is not exciting enough. I am married, and my husband talks to me, but he doesn’t have much patience to listen to me. I feel like he only knows me on surface level. So I have a lot of things I have to do, but don’t get a lot I need. He’s pretty social and has a lot of friends, so I feel set to the side most of the time. But we have other problems too, so maybe that’s a good thing sometimes. I really wish I had some family or friends, other Christians I can talk to. Sometimes there will be someone who takes a liking to me, but it only seems to be people who use me and never ask or care how I’m doing. I had a good friendship a couple times many years ago, so I know what it should be like and it’s possible, I just can’t find anyone like that anymore.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I feel like praying. Dear Heavenly Father, you designed us for community, and for us to take care of each other. I don't understand how come you are not providing this for some of us. I get jealous of those who do have this sort of thing. They look at me and seem to think I'm doing something wrong. But you know that I am trying to do the right thing. I think this person, PiecesOfWhoeverIWas, is doing the right thing too. Please help with this, in Jesus Name, Amen.
@tryingtosurvive2024 Thank you so much, this made me cry. I am praying for you too right now.