More than a “celebrity crush”
Well the last 5 years I’ve been a big fan of the popular Norwegian pop duo, Marcus & Martinus. From the first moments of my time in the fandom I had found my “lane” as most of their fans aka “mmers”had. I was Marcus lane. I was only 9 years old when I found these boys. And that boy in particular, Marcus. At first I was a normal fan. Just like everyone else, I would only be interested about their next concert in my city (ps they were very popular in my country, Greece back then and they would often have shows in my city.) , the next song they were going to release, what they posted on their story or the necessary funfacts about them. I would just only dream of the day I would meet them as a fan. Today I’m glad to say that this has already happened in June 20th 2019 (wow it’s almost been 3 years) and after that when I finally got a bit more mature and when the coronavirus pandemic with the quarantine came I started to get more obsessed with Marcus Gunnarsen. In the beginning of 2020 I had realized that I was in love with him. It was because I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of him or whenever I did I would get butterflies and I would get the full feeling of love. I was so obsessed with him like it was when I started exploring more things about him, like watching the videos I had never watched or discovering things about him I didn’t know because I wasn’t so active in the fandom before quarantine due to my young age because yk I couldn’t understand things so well and mostly due to school. When the quarantine came I started getting that idea of being in love with him more seriously. The dream of actually spending my future with him was becoming more intense day by day. I reached to the point where he’s currently the love of my life. And I basically mean that. I haven’t loved anyone the way I love him and I honestly don’t think I ever will. It’s just so unfair that I’m one of those thousands fans. I have multiple plans on my head on how I could “achieve” this dream and like put that person in my life cause now I don’t think I’d ever be able to leave him like this like it’s not just an idea, it’s something that feels so real in me. Like based on the way I want my life to be like I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s the only person who’s like the ideal to spend my life with. He has everything I want in a person. I just know he’s my soulmate but MY soulmate. What if I’m not his soulmate too though ? Or what if it’s just a crazy idea ? Because it really sounds funny and writing this I also realize how dumb it might look to anyone who would read this. I’m only 13 years old being in love with a 20 year old man haha. But I don’t even see him as a man like I totally forget that he’s literally an adult because looking at him you couldn’t say “oh he’s too old for you”. But anyways there are a few “big things” that worry me and keep me back to like “reality” and make me worry if this is just a dream or if it could ever be real. But I don’t want it to be just a dream. Like he’s the rightest person I could ever find in the probably wrongest circumstances. I keep believing on that though. My intuition on this is so confused because on the one hand all of those fortune teller things tell me that it’s not meant to be but the way I imagine my future tells me that it is and I don’t know which one is stronger. I keep on praying to God and wasting all my wishes for this but I guess that whatever is meant for me it will be. The problem is that I wanna know if that makes me crazy or if that sounds possible to you. In general how possible or healthy do you find seeing a celebrity as something more than a role model or a celebrity crush. Seeing a celebrity as your soulmate even though they don’t even know that you exist. Does that make sense ?