More than a “celebrity crush”
Well the last 5 years I’ve been a big fan of the popular Norwegian pop duo, Marcus & Martinus. From the first moments of my time in the fandom I had found my “lane” as most of their fans aka “mmers”had. I was Marcus lane. I was only 9 years old when I found these boys. And that boy in particular, Marcus. At first I was a normal fan. Just like everyone else, I would only be interested about their next concert in my city (ps they were very popular in my country, Greece back then and they would often have shows in my city.) , the next song they were going to release, what they posted on their story or the necessary funfacts about them. I would just only dream of the day I would meet them as a fan. Today I’m glad to say that this has already happened in June 20th 2019 (wow it’s almost been 3 years) and after that when I finally got a bit more mature and when the coronavirus pandemic with the quarantine came I started to get more obsessed with Marcus Gunnarsen. In the beginning of 2020 I had realized that I was in love with him. It was because I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of him or whenever I did I would get butterflies and I would get the full feeling of love. I was so obsessed with him like it was when I started exploring more things about him, like watching the videos I had never watched or discovering things about him I didn’t know because I wasn’t so active in the fandom before quarantine due to my young age because yk I couldn’t understand things so well and mostly due to school. When the quarantine came I started getting that idea of being in love with him more seriously. The dream of actually spending my future with him was becoming more intense day by day. I reached to the point where he’s currently the love of my life. And I basically mean that. I haven’t loved anyone the way I love him and I honestly don’t think I ever will. It’s just so unfair that I’m one of those thousands fans. I have multiple plans on my head on how I could “achieve” this dream and like put that person in my life cause now I don’t think I’d ever be able to leave him like this like it’s not just an idea, it’s something that feels so real in me. Like based on the way I want my life to be like I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s the only person who’s like the ideal to spend my life with. He has everything I want in a person. I just know he’s my soulmate but MY soulmate. What if I’m not his soulmate too though ? Or what if it’s just a crazy idea ? Because it really sounds funny and writing this I also realize how dumb it might look to anyone who would read this. I’m only 13 years old being in love with a 20 year old man haha. But I don’t even see him as a man like I totally forget that he’s literally an adult because looking at him you couldn’t say “oh he’s too old for you”. But anyways there are a few “big things” that worry me and keep me back to like “reality” and make me worry if this is just a dream or if it could ever be real. But I don’t want it to be just a dream. Like he’s the rightest person I could ever find in the probably wrongest circumstances. I keep believing on that though. My intuition on this is so confused because on the one hand all of those fortune teller things tell me that it’s not meant to be but the way I imagine my future tells me that it is and I don’t know which one is stronger. I keep on praying to God and wasting all my wishes for this but I guess that whatever is meant for me it will be. The problem is that I wanna know if that makes me crazy or if that sounds possible to you. In general how possible or healthy do you find seeing a celebrity as something more than a role model or a celebrity crush. Seeing a celebrity as your soulmate even though they don’t even know that you exist. Does that make sense ?
@mariainfj
It makes sense and your feelings are valid ❤
I have had similar kind of crushes also and I understand what you said
But I hope you can try to ground yourself in reality more to avoid hurt and pain the unrealistic imaginations will put you through ☹
But the problem is that I don’t see why this is unrealistic :( I thought celebrities are supposed to be normal humans too. I wanna live in Norway for the rest of my life anyway and I want to be famous too. That’s what makes me thinking. All of those years I swear that nobody has believed or took this seriously but it’s been so long since I’m used of this idea and now I don’t want to let it go because I don’t want to just be a fan and only wait for Marcus & Martinus’ next concert. I see them more than artists and I want to have them in my life. I don’t want their presence in my life to just be depended on their career steps. I don’t know what I’ll do without them, I’m so used to them and they’ve always been there when I needed them no matter if they didn’t know it. So I don’t think I can forget about them. And the worst part is that Marcus is so good, he’s such a good person and he wouldn’t want me to feel bad or anything. But I’m worried if he would be good with me in particular. Because he’s good with everyone but I don’t know... I’m so confused because the only person I ever loved again was so much alike him and this was the reason I loved him. But the good thing is that a person like that actually gave me attention and seemed to care about me even though he might hurt me at the end because he didn’t want me in the way I did, but I mean it’s not so hard for me to be close with this type of people like him. And now that I think about it the only reason that person hurt me and betrayed me like this is because he is a Libra. We were besties but he betrayed me. But Marcus isn’t a Libra, he is a Pisces though his rising is Libra that means that he can appear as a libra and we’ll have fun but he won’t betray me like a Libra. This is type of how I think when I think that he’s the ideal person for me but I have no idea what’s going to happen in 5 years... But then I think about everyone telling me I would get over these boys in like a year or two and it’s been 5 years since I became their fan. So how couldn’t I believe that I’m going to be with them for 5 more ? And for many more. I’m sorry for making this like a diary btw. I just started writing it here and I wanted to continue it so I could finally say everything that’s on my mind. Yeah most of those are dumb again but whatever I will just keep that dream and if it will lead me getting hurt it’s okay. I will be the one who gets all that hurt. For me it would hurt more if I never tried to do anything about this.
Hi @mariainfj
Crushing on people that are like your celebrity crushes is totally valid, as we all have different types and preferences.
That being said, any relationship we have with celebrities is parasocial. We do not truly know the celebrity, only how they present themselves in public—and there is definitely a stark difference between how someone acts around strangers versus their close friends.
