Trying to move forward
Not sure if this should be here or in the depression thread, but here goes.
About a year ago, a coworker started going through a very hard time. Her mother passed, she became depressed, and lost her job. Most of her friends and family abandoned her, telling her to ‘get over it.’
I offered support and a willing ear, and we eventually became very close, spending hours talking, walking, sharing secrets that we hadn’t told anyone else. Sometimes I stayed up all night talking with her when she was struggling.
She has now reconnected with her old friends, which is good for her. But she has more or less abandoned me. I did start suffering from depression and an overall confusion as to how to fill the void left in her absence.
I made some changes in my life, removed things that reminded me of her, and started feeling better. Until this morning. At 5:30, she started messaging me and accusing me of having been mean to her, saying I was disloyal to her, and that she shouldn’t have trusted me.
I was never disloyal to her, always supported her and defended her when anyone would say something bad.
Don’t know why she’s saying those things to me, but it has left me feeling completely devastated. So depressed my stomach is roiling, feeling so weak it’s hard to even stand or carry a conversation.
I don’t know what to do.
@NobodyPortant This is a tough one. I sort of went through something similar with someone I was really close to. *long story short* Ours was an online friendship but we chatted every day about anything and everything for hours at a time. I - like you shared things with this person I've never told anyone - they were my best friend. I still remember the last thing I wrote to them and then they poofed and disappeared for about six months. When they came back online they did the same thing and said how horrible I was to them. Like you I was devastated - heartbroken and depressed. I was still reeling from being ghosted or abandoned - whatever you want to call it. Then to find out they see you as this horrible person? It crushes you - I still have problems from it tbh
I guess my suggestion is to consider the source. It's during this time that people show their true colors. This person got from you what they needed at the time. You were supportive to them and helped them heal from their losses - when noone else was there for them. So the problem lies with them. I know it doesn't make it any easier for you because you still hurt and unfortunately you probably will for awhile I'm afraid. If you can block her - don't read the texts - it will only hurt you more. You know the truth that's the important thing - you know that you weren't mean to her or disloyal - she's the one showing her disloyalty and her true colors. Allow yourself time to grieve and allow yourself to be angry. Talk about it. Talk about it as much as you can or it festers inside. Be patient with yourself - there will be days when she won't cross your mind - days when the things she said doesn't hurt as bad but there will be days when it's all you think about and it can often be impossible to find out the why's of why it went the way it did. Be proud of the fact that you were there for her - that you were a loyal friend and that you defended her when she needed it
Idk if this is any help to you - I guess I just wanted you to know you're not alone
Be gentle with yourself
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that painful experience.
It is encouraging to know I’m not alone in feeling the way I do.
@NobodyPortant I know that knowing you're not alone doesn't make it any easier or even any less painful. I'm sorry you're going through this and I really wish there was something I could say to make it easier for you. Sometimes people just s*ck
*sending you strength*
@NobodyPortant This is really tough. I will just say that sometimes people who are depressed do things that are not 100% rational. Keep that in mind when you think about your friends actions. It may help a bit. It's a good idea to reach out to other friends as well. Everyone need support, and sometimes you can't get all the support you need from one person.