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NobodyPortant
1,052 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 53 Compassion hearts71 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceApril 5, 2022
Recent forum posts
Coping with Abandonment
Relationship Stress / by NobodyPortant
Last post
 June 10th, 2022
...See more I won’t get into the backstory too much, but suffice to say that after nearly two years, she abruptly left me. I was quite surprised, to say the least. She had been in a bad place in her life when we began to draw close. Because she wasn’t herself, she became estranged from her fair-weather friends, and I was there to listen and fill the vacuum. Should’ve seen it for what it was, but I was riding such an amazing high of being important to her. Looking back, she placed enormous demands on my time and resources. Demands which I was ecstatic to meet. She said she liked my poems, so I wrote her over 200. She likes antiques and fancy things, so I bought her rare items. Hand crafted things for her. Talked with her at any time day or night, whenever she needed an ear. Again, in hind sight, she gave nothing in return. Was really an emotional black hole. Others had warned me that she was using me, but I wouldn’t listen. Then she reconnected with the friends who had abandoned her. Within a week, she grew cold and completely cut me out of her life. Won’t talk, won’t tell me why. The only contact we have is a random message every few weeks telling me how horrible I am, or that I’m a ‘selfish evil rat.’ I would respond in a consoling manner, hoping to ease whatever was upsetting her. I became depressed, lost my job, lost around 30lbs (I wasn’t chubby to begin with), and felt like there was no meaning to be found in life. But time lessens all pains. I have been trying to rekindle old interests and hobbies, spend more time with my son, and found work in a new industry. I’ve been trying to remove all things that remind me of her, which is very difficult. Especially the moon, one of my favorite things, because I likened it to her, my ‘perfect moon’. Initially I was angry with her. But I’ve come to realize it’s really anger at myself for not recognizing that I was only ever a tool or bandaid. Even as such, I wouldn’t change a thing. I did help her through a time when everyone else had abandoned her. I was her support and her ear, giving unconditional love when she desperately needed it. So it was worth it to me. My feelings being unrequited aren’t her fault. At first I left lines of contact open in the naive hope that maybe she would have a change of heart. But I’ve since removed and blocked her from all social media. The exception is that I’ve left her phone number unblocked so if she really wants to contact me again she can text or call. I promised her that I would always be available if she ever needed to talk, and I’m good to my word. In that vain, I also swore loyalty to her, and that nobody else would ever have my heart. In retrospect, that may be a difficult vow, but it’s a source of pride for myself to keep my oaths. Things are getting better day by day. She is still the number one thought in my mind. She’s in my dreams most nights, each morning I awake and immediately check my phone, hoping to see a kind word from her. But these will pass. And I feel a great sense of loss in that knowledge.
Trying to move forward
Relationship Stress / by NobodyPortant
Last post
 April 22nd, 2022
...See more Not sure if this should be here or in the depression thread, but here goes. About a year ago, a coworker started going through a very hard time. Her mother passed, she became depressed, and lost her job. Most of her friends and family abandoned her, telling her to ‘get over it.’ I offered support and a willing ear, and we eventually became very close, spending hours talking, walking, sharing secrets that we hadn’t told anyone else. Sometimes I stayed up all night talking with her when she was struggling. She has now reconnected with her old friends, which is good for her. But she has more or less abandoned me. I did start suffering from depression and an overall confusion as to how to fill the void left in her absence. I made some changes in my life, removed things that reminded me of her, and started feeling better. Until this morning. At 5:30, she started messaging me and accusing me of having been mean to her, saying I was disloyal to her, and that she shouldn’t have trusted me. I was never disloyal to her, always supported her and defended her when anyone would say something bad. Don’t know why she’s saying those things to me, but it has left me feeling completely devastated. So depressed my stomach is roiling, feeling so weak it’s hard to even stand or carry a conversation. I don’t know what to do.
The Complexities of Life
Anxiety Support / by NobodyPortant
Last post
 April 15th, 2022
...See more Hi all. This is my first post here. Somebody recommended 7cups, and I figured it was worth a try. Might be good to get some things out of my head and onto the proverbial paper. For the past year, I’ve been struggling with things. The complexities and dramas of life weighing heavily upon my tired old bones. It started when a coworker whom I admire and care very much about was fired. Her mother had passed not long before this. She became deeply depressed, and her friends abandoned her, or told her to ‘get over it.’ So I was her shoulder, an eager ear for her to talk things out with. Many late nights were spent messaging and talking with her when she was struggling. In time, it seemed my life was entirely focused on her. Countless hours spent talking. Writing poetry for her, as she loves a fancy word. Finding gifts that hold symbolism. Convincing her that she was worthy of all good things, and is enough for anyone just as she is. Telling her that since her heart was broken, she could have mine. Doing my best to show her that I would be unconditionally loyal to and supportive of her. It would be fair to say I fell in love with her. How could I not? Quite unrequited however, but that’s okay. Sometimes it is a rich reward just to lavish adoration and praise upon someone to whom you believe truly deserves it. She has recently reconnected with her old friends which had previously abandoned her and said such hurtful things. That is fantastic, and I am truly happy for her. She is a remarkably kind and forgiving person, always seeing the good in others. But now, she has abandoned me. Guess I always knew and understood it was a temporary affair, and that once she had found her path again she would no longer have need of me. But oh, how it hurts. As long as she has found her place in the world, I’m glad to suffer for her. But I don’t know how to fill the void left in her absence, how to find my own path forward. And the icing on this cake is that I was very recently fired from work for failure to get along with the boss that had fired her previously. I have nobody to lean on. No eager ears, nor anyone to stay up with me late at night when the demons come calling in the dark. The irony is palpable.
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