Things I want to tell you...

I still want you. I want to feel your body againts mine. I want to feel your breathe on me. I want to look into your eyes and get lost. I want the world to be still. I want you to turn your head and gaze at me like when we would go for a drive together. I want to hear your deep laugh when I say something funny. I want to hear your soft chuckle and see you bury your face in my shoulder. I want to feel your soft kisses on my lips on my body. I want to feel your hands around my neck pulling me into you. I want you to move fast when I say slow down. I want our passion

You ruined me and I love that. You took away my innocence and I willingly gave it to you. Even though you didn't know till after you gave me everything I wanted and so much more. I will never love anyone the way I love you. And yes I love you. I love you with my whole being. Your my other half. You're my reason to live. I waited my whole life for you. I just wish I had found you at a better time in our lives.

I will never have this again. I will never fall in love like this again. I will love again but it won't be the same and it won't be better. It will just be different. I will always think of you. I will always compare the next one to you.

It warms my heart that you still ask me how my day is going and then you genuinely want to know the answer and make it better.

I already miss you and your not even gone yet

I miss you. I want to be with you, but it's too late. You're with someone now. I know you're really happy. I just wanna know, why did you left? I loved you, and still love you, but you went away. Without saying any words. Why? What happened to us? :(

Talking to you brings a smile to my face. I don't think you realize how close I was to ending it the other day. It wasn't because of you but I was ready and prepared and you saved me. I'm sure you thought I was in a bad place but I don't think you know how bad. You are my light. Your voice is magic to my soul. Thank you

We're never going to be apart are we? Despite the fact we have our own lives we will still be in each other's. It would have been easier to just end us but instead you won't let me go and I won't let you. Lol... You couldn't even let me have my goodbye moment instead you sent me a text that you knew would make me call you. You knew it would make me laugh and you knew we weren't ending the book maybe just a chapter. I do thank you for giving me the last thing I wanted. I do thank you for holding me close, for hugging me, for kissing me, for saying goodbye. I also thank you for not letting me go. I will talk to you soon...

I think I may be pregnant. I feel like I might be. I know the chances are super slim. I mean we didn't use protection and I know you had surgery a long time ago but there is still a slight possibility and I've been getting symptoms. I'm not scared. I'm more hopeful than anything. I actually want this in some weird way. I want to tell you but I want to be sure. I still have to wait. That's the hardest part. I'm going to get tested next week at the doctor. I secretly want him to say positive. I think I might be devastated if he said negative. I don't know what to do. All I can do is suffer in silence until I know. I think if the situation was different and you were just my friend and not my lover then I could tell you this but your not and I'm scared. Not scared to tell you but scared that I'm wrong.

Tonight I had dinner with some friends. There are married and have been for almost ten years. It's the first time I thought of you in that way. I thought about how nice it would be to have you sitting next to me. My hand stroking your leg as we laugh at everyone's jokes. You hand wrapped around me waist as we shared a drink. The anticipation of what might happen later that night when we got home. I thought about all of that and it made me sad. Sad that we will never have that. As I got in the car I thought about how you kissed my inner thigh the first time we made love and I thought "I want to feel that again but only from you" I will never tell anyone else about that. I will never ask another man to do that because that's ours.

I've been having some bad days recently. You know why and it was great that you called me when I asked. I notice that you do anything I ask so I try not too. I don't want to be selfish but when it comes to you sometimes I can't help myself. I love you. You know that and I think it scares you because that was never supposed to happen. I know you care about me. Yesterday was bad. Yesterday I started writing my goodbye letter to you. I haven't finished it yet but it's bad if I keep writing it. It's the message I'm going to send you [Edited by mentor for non-supportive content] . I hope I don't finish it but I can't make any promises yet...