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Not sure if I should stay or go.
mdrewanderson October 29th, 2019
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My wife of nearly 20 years cheated on me several years ago. I caught her and we went through a long time of therapy, fights, apologies, etc. The whole thing started with a blackout drunk cheating eppisode in Vegas with a guy at a learning conference she attended. She then continued to have sex with again a couple more times. She then started a several month affair with another man that included them sleeping together at another business conference. I found some of the messages and caught her making plans to go visit him for a week. She has since apologized and done a lot to make me feel wanted again.

Fast forward- I was to the point where we were good together again and then we went together to a business conference earler this year and she got blackout drunk and was flirting with another man. I took her to our room and she dissaperared. I found her in the lobby about to get arrested for walking through the hotel naked.

She has since been trying to manage drinking and started meds for ADHD which had been undiagnosed until now. I have found that she sneaks drinks when I'm not around and now doesn't even hide it. She won't drink at home but will when she leaves the house. She says she will probably always drink and just wants to manage it better. I am struggling with whether to stay or cut my losses and leave. Either choice completely sucks.

2
CommunityModTaylor October 29th, 2019
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@mdrewanderson

Hey there! I'm so sorry to hear about your whole journey with your wife up until now. You've been faced with a lot of challeges through your relationship that you've managed to move past and you've practiced forgiveness in more than one situations which is really big of you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a loved one do all the things she did.

It sounds like her behavior has a pattern and even after apologies and therapy and years of trying to make everything better again, she's back to the behavior which started all of this in the first place. I see you've mentioned that either choices of staying or leaving are going to suck equally but do you think that you're at a point where you need to prioritize yourself and cut ties with things that are causing your so much pain?

Again, i really cannot imagine how you've pulled through all these years, you've been really good to her in giving her more than one chance to rectify her behavior, however, you really do deserve better.

mdrewanderson OP October 29th, 2019
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@CommunityModTaylor

Thanks for your kind words. I'm trying to focus on taking care of myself. I still love my wife and want her to get better. It wasn't always like this (unless I've been deluding myself?). She has recently said she understands if I wanted to split up because there has been too much damage. It really sucks. I'm turning 60 next month and the idea of starting over alone without her is really intimidating.

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