Can't break free of my relationship with my ex

@falconer42 it seems like your ex fiance has trouble accepting your relationship has ended. Perhaps you can talk about on how you guys can come to a conclusion to better your friendship, perhaps as a friend you can suggest him to things to keep his mind (from you) ...Honesty sometimes can be the best remedy by always using the right words. Avoid using the term "you" instead you can use "I " feel ... or " I" think we should" ... also, before any decision you make & knowing what best for you,try to put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how would you feel or do to overcome this obstacle without breaking down and over stepping boundries !!

@falconer42

Hi there, I know how tough such a situation would be :( It's sticky for sure, because even though you've broken things off, it sounds like you still care deeply for him and would not want to hurt him. The thing is, for his sake and yours, it would be best to talk to him about this ASAP. Why drag this on for you? Why allow him to linger when he could use this time to face his fears that the relationship has ended, and possibly move on? My thoughts on it ofcourse. Ultimately, you know your life and relationship better than anyone else :)

If you do talk to him though, just let him know gently as best as you can. What is important is that you're genuine and honest, as you and him deserve that, considering the history you both have shared. The best way to do so is to focus on yourself and use terms like "I" instead of "You". So like, "I feel..." and so on. It's going to be hard for sure, but you can do it! Sending you strength and positive energy!

@falconer42

Carrying on a friendship with an ex partner is always a tricky situation. We often still care about them and don't want them to be hurt, and that can sometimes bind us in a situation or relationship we don't want ourselves. I think in the end we have to accept that someone at some point will be hurt and that we can't actually control whether or not they will be, and by how much. In the long term, you both will likely be hurt as this drags on, and the longer you don't talk to him and let him know that this is not something you want, the longer he has some hope and the worse the disappointment will be for everyone involved at the end. It's something you'll have to deal with at some point, which you sound like you know already, and now it's just a question of accepting that sooner is better than later. He will get hurt, yes. But you and him both will be less upset now than later, when things may be even more confusing. And it's also important to remember that while he will be hurt, and it is in a way caused by you, how far he decides to take it or how long he lets it stew are his decisions. If he acts unfairly or bitterly/meanly afterwards or you're scared you're risking the friendship because of how negatively he may react, it's on him, not you, and then it's definitely time to move on.

thank you everyone! I know I've got to do this soon, since last night he said he still hopes we can, "work things out." I am now convinced I am leading him on by letting him be so much in my life. Sigh. I'm going to have to do this soon now. Gods I'm scared. I'm not good at setting boundaries in the first place, and this is going to be a doozie.

@falconer42

Good luck! You are strong, and you got this ;)

ugh, I didn't do it...perhaps I need to explore why I'm so hesitant. Is it fear of hurting him? And what he will do when he is hurt? He tends to lash out in that situation. Or is it fear of loosing my only friend? Is it a valuable friendship to have, even if it is my only one? Or is it more? Or everything...