Anxiety, Inadequacy, Fear of Abandonment

@Willow2626 I feel like I could have written this post myself I relate to it so much, anxiety really is a n awful thing, it has this way of convincing us that others wont see the value in us because we dont see it in ourselves. I too have a fear of abandonment from previous relationships I felt disposable, and that people could so easily leave me. Its so hard to not let these fears and anxieties ruin any chance at love again. You have to look in the mirror everyday and remind yourself, you are beautiful, you are an amazing person, and anyone would be lucky to have you. It seems silly talking to yourself like that but it really does work! Your mind starts to believe what youre telling it. It helps to break free of the negative thoughts, of not feeling good enough you need to believe that before anyone else will. It will give you confidence to date and be yourself! It may take awhile to find a person who appreciates you and sees how amazing you are, but it will be worth the wait to find the right person. I wish you much luck and if you ever want to talk send me a message, Im currently working on issues within myself as well.

This thread is the exact thing I was looking for when I found this community. Trust me, my dear, you are not alone...

It's almost funny- the way the human mind works. I've had my fair share of crappy relationships; one of which is now a fresh divorce after two years and a child. (Not for sympathy, but the history is important) Now, I have the most amazing, supportive, understanding PARTNER (keyword: partner) that I have ever had the blessing of forming a relatinship with, and I am constantly littered with doubts and insecurities. After subjecting myself to years of being ignored, unappreciated, and silenced, I no longer know how to value myself. Since the divorce, I have spent the past 10 months trying to rediscover my identity, but the fear of who I am not being enough traps me in my own mind. My partner is the most empathetic, attentive listener who places such a high value on communication and mental health and understanding. And yet, I'm still afraid to tell him of how I feel sometimes. I don't want to ALWAYS seem weak or emotionally needy because I dont think I'm enough... Rather, I think that his REAL love is so foreign and overwhelming to be that I don't know how to ever feel worthy. I want to give my best and continue to get better every day, yet the invasive thoughts still find a way to creep in. "What if it's all fake?" "What if he's just with you for the sex?" "What if you get tired of him and stop caring, just like everyone else?" "Why should he pick you? There are prettier, more confident girls?"..... The tirade goes on and on until I feel so guilty for thinking such negative thoughts about him because I know he loves me. I can feel it, I can see it in his eyes, I know it with all I have. So, why do I still do this? Time and time again? Why cant I just be loved and be happy? Why do I feel the impending doom that I'm going to mess it up even thought I dont want to?

(Woah... sorry for the word vomit.. It started with one thought and kind of just exploded.)

@intelligentTriangle9234

Me too! My neediness and fear of abandonment is doing the thing I fear and pushing my husband away :( how do you explain anxiety to someone who.doesnt have it? I pleaded with him to google.it but he is so.mad because of me being mopey he wont even speak to me atm! At the dr right now to try and get some help. I'm so scared to lose him :(

@intelligentTriangle9234

Yes! I see it too. You know they love you and then the fear creeps in

@powerfulHemlock7516

Dear Hemlock,

I dont say this to spawn any doubtful feelings towards your husband, but the nervousness you feel seems like a valid reaction if your honesty is being met with anger. Having been in that environment myself, I could never tell my ex how I felt because if it made him seem like a bad guy, he would never LISTEN and empathize, he would only hear an attack. It made me feel awful for having my own thoughts, and that is not healthy. A relationship is about teamwork, and a partner should always take your feelings into consideration and do what they can to ease your pain. Now, there are situations where there is nothing that can be done because there is no problem (such as my story); however, we have to choose to work towards happiness ourselves. Love is a choice, trust is a choice. Despite all the scattered thoughts, we can CHOOSE to trust. We can choose to let ourselves be loved because we ARE worth it, even if we didn't know it before.

@intelligentTriangle9234

Thanks:) very wise words! My dr appt went well and my husband actually listened and was apologetic to my anxiety. I know we choose to trust and I try to choose this. I really do. I'm going to work on me and then if he doesn't choose to go along for the ride it will be his loss.

@powerfulHemlock7516

Congratularions! I'm proud of you for finding the strength to take care of yourself. If you ever need an ear, dont hesitate to send me a chat. :) good luck on your journey!

@intelligentTriangle923

Thank you :) I will definitely take you up on that offer sometime xx