Am I capable of being loved?
I feel like I am broken. I am a 21 year old lesbian and the only time I ever had sex was when I was raped. This caused me to have a deep fear of intimacy and I couldn't be physical with anyone for a long time. I never let my ex do so much as kiss me. She threatened to hit me a few times and said really awful degrading things to me. I feel like I am just gross and disgusting and people will see me this way too. In April, I started to feel more confident and ready to be physical with someone. I got into a long distance situation and we would sext a lot and it felt really good and she made me feel wanted and important and safe. Over the summer she was in and out of the psych hospital. She had her brother reach out to me so I wouldn't worry. When she got back, I tried to tell her how I was raped and how it's been bothering me lately. We sexted a bit, but I haven't heard from her in so long and just last week she blocked me. Did I dump too much on her? Am I too much? Am I too overbearing? How will I ever be able to maintain a relationship with anyone? I'm in therapy. It's helping. But it's taking so long and I still have trust issues.
@Jflack324
I'm sorry that this happened. You wrote " I'm in therapy. It's helping. But it's taking so long and I still have trust issues."
I'm glad you are in therapy, as that's an important early step. It's important to get your thoughts, ideas, concerns and worries out in some way, by talking about them in therapy, or with a trusted friend, or here on 7cups. Trust is going to be hard for anyone who was violated in the way you were. It's going to take time, and it's good to have a professional therapist to walk with you through learning to trust again.
You also wrote, "Did I dump too much on her? Am I too much? Am I too overbearing? How will I ever be able to maintain a relationship with anyone?"
It's possible your friend, having just returned home from the psych ward, was feeling vulnerable, just as you were, but in a different way. She may have felt overwhelmed by her own mental health issues. She may have felt unable to address the topic of being raped. She may have had feelings of guilt or remorse about the sexting, and worried that it was affecting you too much. We can't know, because she stopped talking to you, and then blocked you. Consider that she may just have felt poorly equipped to help you, and rather than risk hurting you, she stopped communicating-- only to hurt you by blocking you. Maybe she didn't know how to say upfront that this was too hard of a topic for her. Also, please remember it's hard to have relationships by texting. So much gets missed or misunderstood, assumptions are made, and visual cues like body language and tone are missing. Those tell us when people are uncomfortable with what we are sharing, so we learn to stop, re-assess, and decide whether to keep sharing or change the subject.
It takes practice to learn when to share about ourselves. Wanting to be close enough to someone to share such a deeply personal matter as this one, well, finding the right moment to open up is a tricky one. You're doing the best you can, I'm sure. That's all anyone can do at each moment.
@InquireWithin
If I give her space, do you think she'll ever come back?
@Jflack324
She might. Might not. Giving someone space is a delicate matter. How do you convey to them that you're giving them space without having to say something about it and risk it being misunderstood? If she does re-establish the lines of communication, it's wise to start out by being pleasant but neutral, without expectations. It's just like if you were trying to befriend a wild creature that's wary of humans. You wouldn't rush up to it right away. You'd be quiet and still, giving encouraging sounds now and again. And if she doesn't come back, then you will have to accept it, just as if the wild creature decided to vanish into the wilderness again.
It's hard, I know. 
Wanting someone who may not share your feeling is always hard. But it's not about you. It's about them, their own insecurity, their own fear, their own issues. And I'm sorry to say, until she opens up the lines of communication, there's very little you can do but wait.
@Jflack324
Hi. I'm so sorry about what happened to you but I'm glad you're having the courage to reach out here and also to this other person. Not everyone gets that far.
I don't know why she hasn't been in touch but it's possible that it's more about her issues than what you've told her. I hope this doesn't stop you reaching out to someone else in the same way - not everyone will have the same reaction, some will be genuinely kind and understanding.
@Broken411
This is very true. Not everyone will react the way she reacted to you, @Jflack324. her response/reactions may well be more about her than about you.
@InquireWithin
I hadn't noticed your post till after I posted mine. I agree with pretty much all of it, particularly if she is not long out of hospital. This could be as much about wanting to hold boundaries for both parties as it is about ending it. Either way it's an opportunity to reflect and for self care. đź’–
@Jflack324
Also. Just because something awful happened to you it doesnt mean you are unlovable. She liked YOU enough to be messaging YOU. Your personality might be influenced by the experience but it's not all that you are. đź’– The right people will know / see that and if they don't then you've not really lost anything.