Feeling pressured to send sexual photos
So I met a guy online a little less than 2 weeks ago and things have gone sexual very quickly. The thing is, I like most of it. We get flirty and turn each other on through sexting, which I'm comfortable with. I have also masturbated after some of our exchanges, so I'm definitely into it.
But In terms of sending photos, the only thing I've been comfortable sending him is pictures of me in a bra and the only thing I'm comfortable being sent to me is him with his shirt off. The thing is, right away when we started talking, he sent me clips of porn and explicit pictures of people having sex. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, so he stopped sending those and said he wanted to make sure I was comfortable and that we were both having fun. Even though he said this, he's still been very pushy about me sending sexual/nude photos of myself and offering to send nudes of himself. I've already told him multiple times I'm not comfortable with that. But now he's getting more impatient saying 'Come on, you've already touched yourself thinking of me' or 'It's fine. It's not like I'll send them to anyone'.
Anyway, I feel divided about this. I enjoy talking to him and getting to know him more. I even enjoy the sexually charged conversations and sending him photos of me with a bra on. But I'm not comfortable sending nudes or receiving nudes and I don't think he's actually respecting that despite saying he wants me to be comfortable. So I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Should I try to talk to him again about my boundaries? Should I stop talking to him? I would appreciate some advice.
@persistentBeach9141 I can't tell you what to do, but if it was me, I would have broken it off or blocked him because someone pressuring me like that is a deal-breaker. If you really like him, then maybe have a conversation to push harder for your boundaries, but also it sounds like it's more casual than serious and I feel like there are plenty of options for other guys wanting to explore sexting or casual sex that are less pushy.
@Daydreamer47 Yeah, that's what I've been thinking. Luckily it is more casual and I'm not feeling super attached to him or anything. I'll probably have one last conversation with him about it, and if he is still pushy, I'll just block him as you and the other replies have suggested. Thank you for the advice 😊
@persistentBeach9141
I'm happy to hear that these conversations are not just a one sided-thing, however, it seems like he is someone who doesn't like to respect boundaries. As you stated above, you have told him how it doesn't make you comfortable when he pushes your bounders but still, he does it even after acknowledging your complaints. This is a major red flag and something you should take seriously. If he continues to push you and disregard your feelings about a very important topic, think about what would happen if you fell deeper into your relationship. He's pressuring you into sending nudes and even manipulating and from an outsider's point of view, I can't help but feel that he wants to take advantage of you. Please reconsider your relationship with him or better yet, break it off completely if it doesn't put you in a dangerous situation. I hope you consider my words well and I believe you can find someone much, much better.
@xuchristina You made some really eye-opening points! It's definitely sketchy that he would tell me he wants to make sure I'm comfortable but then turn around and ask for nudes again literally a day later. I've decided I'll talk to him one last time about it, but if he tries to make excuses or trivialize my concerns, I'm pulling the plug immediately.
@persistentBeach9141
Hi, if you really like him, make sure to talk to him about your boundaries and have an agreement with him. If he makes you feel uncomfortable again just block him because it's not worth it at that point. Realize that it may not seem like a big deal at the moment, you will really regret not dropping him in the future. Something like this is really important and definitely don't be ashamed of yourself if this is a deal-breaker. Don't forget to look out for yourself. Give yourself some time to think about it. There may be a ton of red flags that you have missed. Good luck!
Update
I sent him this message an hour ago:
Hey. Sorry I didn't message you yesterday. Honestly, it's because I wanted time to think about our connection. Although I enjoy talking to you, I don't think this is going to work. I know you said you want me to feel comfortable, but I feel pressured to do things that I'm not comfortable doing, like sending pictures of my boobs. I don't appreciate you asking for things like that again and again when I've said no multiple times. I feel like my boundaries are being disregarded. Overall, I think we'd both be happier connecting with people that are willing to match our different speeds in a connection. I hope you understand.
He seems to have taken it well. He apologized for bothering me and then removed me from snap chat. I also went ahead and removed him. I think this is the best possible way it could've ended, and I definitely feel better after doing it.
Thank you everyone for your advice! You were all really helpful 😊
@persistentBeach9141
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well.
I can tell he's more focused on your body, than you as a person. A person who's often pushy and can't take "no" have controlling and manipulative tendencies. There's impatience and anger on his part, so it's making you feel unsafe. It's very important to not ignore your intuition, and to disqualify guys who behaves like him.
@freshLight64 I completely agree with you! When I read the replies on my thread the other day, a part of me still wanted to see if I could make it work with him. But after taking some more time to think about it, I realized that if he wanted to respect my boundaries, he had every opportunity to do it already. In the end, it just wasn't worth trying to work it out. After ending things today, I feel much more at peace 😊
Hi, I have been in your shoes...like around 2 yrs. Me, I had to end it on my terms...I realize it was going down a road that can potentially lead me to one... getting pregnant or being used..... he didn't see it coming, sometimes you have to sit back and realize your worth....there a guys who dont give a damn and sometimes you need that reality check...so before you do something that you truly regret in the long run...leave.
These guys are disgusting and dont fall for the mind games..and trust me...you see that feeling you get in your gut... listen to it, do not ignore it. Dont be in a situation where he has all the power, if you want to stay..its up to you. Set some boundaries and if he respects you.. he will listen. However if he hesitates, he just not truly interested in you...if you know what I mean...
I hope this helps..I know it's long, but hun. You know your worth...
@KBeauty12 Thank you for your advice! I told him a few days ago that he wasn't respecting my boundaries, so it wasn't going to work between us. We both took each other off snapchat and haven't talked since. I feel better not talking to him anymore, and that just shows me that the cons outweighed the pros of the relationship. In the end, I know there are plenty of people out there capable of appreciating me and not just my body. Those are the kind of people I'd rather give my time and attention to.