persistentBeach9141 Member Profile

My Poetry Corner

Poetry / by persistentBeach9141

April 18th, 2023

What should I do about this guy I have a crush on?

Relationship Stress / by persistentBeach9141

September 27th, 2022

...See more Hey! So I started the fall semester a few weeks ago, and I found out on my first day that I have a class with this guy I know. We'd had a class together before a few years ago and remembered each other. Since then, we've casually talked to each other before class and worked on labs and other projects together. Although I still don't know much about him, I've noticed how genuinely funny and kind he is to me and others in our class. And so I've developed a bit of a crush on him. But I'm not sure if I should do anything about this crush. Personally, I'm leaning more towards not doing anything yet because there's still so much I don't know about him and I want to get to know him more. At the same time, I think he might also be interested in me and it might be worth a shot just asking him on a date. Just for context, here's why I think he might be interested in me too: He always starts conversations with me and is always asking questions or randomly saying something to me (he'll ask how I'm doing, what I've been up to, how's my family, etc). He's been sitting in the row in front of me since the semester began, and I've caught him glancing back at me multiple times each lecture. During one of the labs we were working on, each of us needed to upload pictures of our group's lab work and instead of letting me take pictures of the work he did with my phone, he took the pictures and asked for my number so he could send them to me. Then he made a joke, something about spreading my number around and telling people to call it for a good time, and thinking back on it now, it seems like he was flirting or teasing me. He also is always close by, like I said he sits in the row in front of me during lectures, sits across from me when we work on labs (even though there's another person in our group he could easily sit across from), and usually leans in when he talks to me. There was also one time after class he was lingering around me for a minute before leaving, which was pretty strange. It seemed like he was waiting for me or wanted to say something, but I'm not sure. I know I'm probably just overthinking this because I tend to overthink everything. In any case, what do you think? Could he be interested in me too? Should I just wait and see where things go or take a chance on things now?

Struggling as a caregiver for my nieces

Family & Caregivers / by persistentBeach9141

June 15th, 2022

...See more So my sister and her babies have lived with my parents and I for the past couple years. Because of this, and the lack of help from their father, I’ve had to help care for my nieces while taking online college classes. For the most part, I’ve been able to deal with the burnout and frustration. But back in October last year, my sister started working, which means I’ve been having to raise them by myself during the day and also getting my college assignments done on time. I barely managed to get all my work done this past semester because I couldn’t manage to work on anything while watching them. I had to wait until my sister or parents came back from work to help. Now that the semester is finished, I thought it’d be easier, but I’ve been feeling more aggravated and depressed than usual. I guess because nothing has really changed. I still have to watch them constantly, the only time I have alone being a few hours over the weekend when my sister takes them to the park or to see their father. But more than anything, I just need support. Every time I try to open up with someone about how much I’m struggling, they say something like ‘Oh, you’ll miss them when you don’t have to take care of them anymore. Just enjoy it.’ As if I’m not already trying my best and enjoying the little things with them when I can. I love them. Of course I’ll miss being around them as much when my sister eventually moves out and tries to get them in daycare, but that doesn’t make it any easier to take care of them now. The fact is, I never wanted this. I’ve never wanted to raise kids and be a parent, but I basically am, at least more than their own father is. While he drives hours away to go see his girlfriend throughout the week, I’m here raising his kids everyday, literally 24/7. And while my sister is definitely more present than him, even she has the opportunity to be away from them for a while by going to work. I never have my own space. I never get to relax. I’m taking care of them all the time and I wish I didn’t have to at all. Anyway, I just needed somewhere to talk about this. Thanks for listening.

I think I might be asexual biromantic?

LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by persistentBeach9141

March 27th, 2022

...See more So, I originally came out as bi like 4 years ago. I've had many crushes on men and women, so I know I have some kind of attraction to both. But something has always been off about it. Ever since high school, I've noticed the difference between how I experience crushes and how other people experience crushes. I'd hear my friends talking about their boyfriends or 'hot guys' in a sexual way, and it's always been confusing to me. At the time, I just figured they were exaggerating to be funny. But then I told my friend about a crush I had on a guy. She asked if I thought about doing sexual stuff with him, and I was so shocked when she asked. I told her 'No, that never even crossed my mind!' She gave me the weirdest look and said, 'Really? You haven't thought about it at all? But wouldn't you want to?' And the moment she asked that question, I realized she wasn't joking, and also that my answer was no. I wouldn't want to do anything sexual. Even though I was certain I liked him, and I would imagine cuddling and kissing and being in a relationship, sex never crossed my mind and when it did, I wasn't interested. From then on, I started thinking about other crushes I've had and realized it's always been like that. I've always thought of being with someone in a romantic way, not in a sexual way. And there's never been a person I've seen who made be feel that feeling like 'Oh, I want to have sex with them'. So for the past two years, it crossed my mind off and on whether or not I may be on the ace spectrum. And every time I come back to thinking about it and relating asexuality to my own experience, it just makes more sense. Especially with an online relationship I had with someone recently. We'd literally just met, but after 4 days of talking, things started going in a sexual direction. There were parts of it I enjoyed, specifically flirting over text. But any time he mentioned some day having sex with me, it made me very uncomfortable. And when I would try to picture actually being sexual with him someday, it gave me a lot of anxiety. Anyway, I ended up breaking things off with him because he was really pushy for me to do more actively sexual things, like sending nudes and I didn't want to do that. I wanted to get to know him more, and looking back, I think that's because I saw him in a romantic way, not a sexual way. Anyway, there are some other things I've noticed too that just add to possibility that I could be ace. For starters, I've never had any kind of interest in having sex. Any kind of sex drive/arousal I feel is sparse and also comes out of nowhere (its never geared towards a specific person or brought on by a specific person). I feel neutral about sex and like I could go my whole life without sex and be fine. I also rarely ever describe someone as 'hot' or 'sexy' when I'm attracted to them (usually call them cute/beautiful/attractive/etc). Thinking of having sex with someone doesn't come naturally to me and always feels forced when I try to picture it. I also tend to picture sexual acts in 3rd person rather than in 1st person (I feel more like an observer who is disconnected from sex). If you relate to this experience or have any advice about determining whether I'm ace or not, I'd appreciate hearing about it. I still have some doubts, but like I said, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I know this post is really long, but if anyone read all of it, thank you.

Feeling pressured to send sexual photos

Relationship Stress / by persistentBeach9141

February 27th, 2022

Issues with my sister

Family & Caregivers / by persistentBeach9141

December 4th, 2021

...See more Hey. Just posting here hoping to talk about some problems my sister and I have. If anyone has any advice for how we can have healthier interactions, I’d like to hear it. I just want the two of us to get along. My sister and I don’t communicate in a healthy way. There is an obvious imbalance in our conversations. Before I get into the meat of the issues, I’m not here to blame everything on my sister. I know I’m playing as much of a role in unhealthy communication as her and want to do something about it. So here goes: My issues: * I struggle to say ‘no’ to her. * I make excuses for her and give her the benefit of the doubt. * I struggle to bring up my feelings/issues/concerns with her. * I have a short temper and while its usually under control, there are times I blow up at her. There’s likely more I could add to my section, but I’ll admit I’m biased because I’m speaking about myself. I’m sure there are issues I have that I’m overlooking without realizing. Her issues: * She belittles and minimizes feelings/issues/concerns when I try to bring them up with her. * She says she plans on doing something then changes her plans without telling me. * She makes excuses for herself when I try to call her out on the previous behaviors mentioned. * She constantly tries to put all the blame/responsibility on me. This is the most common out of all of the points here. She is always saying I need to ‘do this’ and ‘do that’ but she never considers what she should be doing. * She gets set off by small mistakes or accidents. * She makes fun of me when I want to try out certain things. * She guilt trips me sometimes. Anyway, I get that it’s difficult because you can’t hear both sides of our situation, but to summarize my perspective/feelings of our situation: I don’t like the way my sister treats me. She makes me feel like what I want to do is ridiculous or doesn’t matter, that my worries and troubles are stupid, that what I need to do is less important than what she needs to do, and that I’m not good enough, always screw up, and never do anything right. Just to be clear, I don’t think my sister treats me like this because she hates me. I’m sure its unintentional, but either way, that doesn’t make it okay for the treatment to continue. The same goes the other way around: I’m not intentional with my treatment towards her, but I know it’s not okay and I want to fix it. My goal is for us to work out our issues and treat each other better. Like I said, I just want us to get along. If you read all of this, thank you. Sorry that I wrote an entire novel, lol.

Mood Diary

Journals & Diaries / by persistentBeach9141

January 20th, 2022

...See more Hey. I’ve used 7 Cups a few times over the past year or so. I usually talk to listeners when I’m going through things that I need to discuss, but I decided to try something new with this thread. Don’t know how often I’ll post here, but I just want a place to talk about how I’m feeling when I need to. And it’s okay to reply/comment if you want. This is the hard part. Actually expressing myself. Actually using my voice for once. Everyday I set it aside. I set myself aside. There are many reasons for this, but one stands out: Responsibility. Over the past two years, I’ve kept myself busy with online college and helping my sister raise her babies. As much as my studies have interested me and as much as I love my nieces, it’s time for me to be honest: I wish I didn’t have to help. I wish my sister was well off enough to live on her own with the kids. I wish I could just live my own life again. I know kids require tons of love, patience, and attention to take care of. I realize that this is the life that comes with raising kids. But I never wanted it. I always thought after graduating high school, I’d find my independence. I wanted the chance to focus on my studies, finally learn to drive, and get my first job. Instead I got a pandemic. I got a sister with a toddler and a second baby on the way living with me and my parents. Just like that, my life stopped. My goals were paused. My dreams were delayed. All at once, I was forced to stay home, taking college courses online and learning how to raise children. So it all circles back to that one word: Responsibility. I’m still holding the same responsibility I picked up two years ago, and while some things have gotten easier, I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. Tired of trying to be what everyone needs me to be. Tired of trying my best. Trying to be perfect. Trying at all. This is a good place to stop. I struggle talking about my thoughts/emotions, but I’m hoping these posts will not only help me get things off my chest, but teach me how to be more open and expressive in general. If you read all this, thanks for hearing me out. I hope you have a good day :)

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