Social media
Anytime I look at my boyfriends social media his “FYP” is always half naked girls.. he says it’s from the past but we’ve been dating nearly 3 years, live together, and have a dog together. How would it still be there after 3 years? also his top Instagram and Snapchat stories and feed are always random girls that he says “just some girl from college” and then he says “I don’t even go on social media” but then I see a post saying “you’re all caught up! You’ve seen all the posts from the last 3 days” so clearly he looks. I don’t even know when because we’re together nearly 24/7 (we work from home together). In the past I’ve seen him Snapchat message random girls and dm random girls. It’s never flirty or anything but still bothers me because I have no idea who these girls are and him saying he went to college with them means nothing to me. He also used to like every single girls pictures like all the bikini pictures and stuff it really bothered me. I think he finally stopped doing that but it took 3 times of me catching him doing it and saying how much it bothered me. He claims it’s mindless and he doesn’t think anything of it.
now I know it probably sounds bad, but I wouldn’t be asking for advice if it was that simple. I want to mention that I know he cares a lot about me and he’s been by my side through thick and thin. He has so many good qualities and he really isn’t a douchey guy or anything. I just think he’s very dumb? but who knows maybe he’s just good at playing dumb?
I feel crazy here.
@sensitivePineapple6607,
I understand it does not make you feel comfortable.
Now I could say he should respect you, and stop doing this.
I won't.
You can't control him.
You can control yourself.
Why does this make you feel uncomfortable?
What exactly do you feel?
A relationship should be build on mutual understanding, on trust.
What might be an issue for you might not be an issue for him.
Do you trust yourself enough to believe he truly loves you?
Because if there is no full trust, sooner or later the relationship will fail.
If he does this because he does not really care enough, then why worry? The relationship will then fail anyway, and there is nothing you can do about it.
Stay within your true self. Apply some mindfulness whenever you start to feel uncomfortable. Focus on breathing, taking slow breathes until you are eased down. Then look at the situation. Is there anything you can do about it yourself?
I am male myself and I understand a partner might not feel comfortable. I might show the same behavior as your boyfriend though and see no harm in it. As there is no intention behind it. And I might go like "I understand. However, I am not responsible for your insecurities. I can be considerate but don't expect me you can mold me in who I am not."
Take care.
I don't participate in social media, I never have.
What about posing the question to him,
Let's pause both of our social media accounts for 1 month and see what happens?
Share your anxiety around this in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
I'm sorry that you are not comfortable in your relationship right now and I'm also sorry that your boyfriend doesn't see that he is causing that for you. I agree with the first reply that you can't control him but you have every right to set your standards. I think it's made all too easy for men to access pictures of other women and the social media companies have taken advantage of this weakness in them, also by 'normalising' it. At the same time it makes us, their partners, feel disrespected and actually they are disrespecting the relationship too. I don't think you should accept this behaviour, if he is the decent man you say he is then it should be easy for him to not feel the need to behave like that. Be true to yourself and be clear on your standards and what matters to you within a relationship. He will either respect you for it and if not then you have your answer and move on. Time is precious don't waste it on the wrong person.
This is exactly how I feel about all social media. Its got out of hand. Half the videos which pop up should not even be allowed. I accessed Facebook reels for the first time the other day and had a woman in her underwear basically playing downstairs! OK men may like this but they have websites for this. It creates so many insecurities for many woman and it does make you feel uncomfortable. If a woman tells their partner how it makes them feel and asks them not to participate in it, I don't see this as controlling. I see it as them trying to make things works and they obviously want to or why would they ask to start with. It makes me so sad how the world is changing. After all being happy in love should be the only thing that matters. Material's are replacable. Anyway, im happy to say I deleted the Facebook app. My partner on the other hand is so glued to social media and doesn't understand my concerns. So I'm guessing this won't end well.
This is a really common issue that has cropped up since social media started. It makes more people accessible as opposed to just looking at a lingerie catalog or whatever in the past.
I have a guy acquaintance whose girlfriend has caught him talking to girls like this on Snapchat and all that. I assume it’s some kind of release for him. Like a woman separate from the everyday person he lives with but it feels harmless and not like cheating. The college response seems like bs I mean it’s hard to believe everyone he went to college with posts all that on social media. A lot of people seem to not view it as real so they think it’s ok. They say if you open the door for the devil an inch he’ll push it open a mile so in other words if your bf thinks I’ll just innocently look at one girl or something it’s so easy to just start looking at all of the girls following more etc. i would say maybe he’s doing this in the bathroom since you’re together all the time? And also the fact you’re together all the time may make him feel he needs space and this is an outlet for him. Not excusing it at all but maybe he’s feeling like there’s not much excitement or something in the relationship. I can get trapped in the confines of lust and it usually is something like that, too much time together.
The guy I know, he’s also super caring and it was obvious he loves his gf. It really hurt her because these girls looked nothing like her too so i think it made her question if she even is attractive to him. He shared this and how he got caught and he basically knew he messed up but I think it was also hard for him to accept he’s no longer single cause he has been single for so long. I’m not sure if your bf maybe struggles with that thought. To be honest I’m not sure what the appeal is in liking pics of girls in bikinis. Even if you’re looking at them idk why you need to like the pics and make it obvious. It’s one of those things I haven’t quite grasped understanding of yet. All I know is for whatever reason guys will do that but still love their girlfriends.
I do agree with the other post that you can’t control him and whatnot. You have to be confident in yourself. I used to feel jealous in past relationships but out of all the trauma I gained in losing someone one thing I learned was to be confident and not compare yourself to those girls. Putting them down will make you seem not confident in yourself so it’s best to have a “they’re beautiful but I am too” outlook. He may think it’s harmless to look at other girls cause he’s loyal to you so he may feel what’s the harm in looking like “I’m in a relationship, not blind”