simple statement of a complicated problem

It’s a lot, sorry you are going through it

@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,

it feels to me that you might have trust issues. Either you open up while being on guard deep down inside, or you are cautious making the other person not feel trusted.

Does that resonate with you?

these are complicated matters. yes I have significant trust issues. I open up while still somewhat on guard of course. but in opening I do expose myself so I'm not sure about the being on gaurd part. really can't do both at the same time. the second half those is exactly correct. it is usually correct to assume someone is suffering from depression and not seeing things accurately when they say they just don't see a solution but I have tried very hard and even professionals say these vauge adstract solutions like "you just haven't found the right one yet" which is not in anyway a therapeutical suggestion or supported mechanism change there's nothing to suggest such things in any type of thought therapy I don't know what I'm trying to say there but some abstract belief it's nothing in any true guided way of anything. It's like saying you just have to believe absolutely nothing to support that is any kind of engine of change to our thoughts and emotions. or some of them have even admitted they don't understand they can see no flaw in my approach or any reason for the consistency of the response. truly I am more and more convinced that it is God's will. I am of the belief that God will will always prevail over our own in order to find peace and happiness we must align our will with God will. of course we can never know God's will to the fact to the word what exactly it is but I believe fully that we can believe when we try repeatedly to attain a goal al and our consistently met with endless resistance and failure it cannot be God's will have experience in this and those things that I have attempted that were God's will in my opinion have been things while challenging see obstacles that I was unable to overcome would solve their self. as long as I did my partner and kept doing the things that were put in front of me to do those things I could not do ended up not requiring me to do them. that that began happening over four years ago when I in my mind and heart turned my life over to the care of God. since then many things many goals I have had a parent obstacles was unable to south and always as I approach them they disappeared. therefore I'm really trying not to believe but also trying to accept is it must be God's will we do not have that in my life I'm heartbroke by this and find myself unable to accept that

@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,

one can open up yet being on guard, unconsciously. Some sort of protection mechanism that might have been created due to past experiences.

I've seen that with my wife. She fully opened up. Then things happened and her protection mechanism came out.

For both partners this can be tough. You want to trust, to be trusted. Your partner wants the same. And you both feel not trusted.

I don't know what works best for you. Maybe as soon as you feel mutual trust, like, the relation evolving to a deeper level, be vulnerable. The right partner, one that is mature, grounded, aware, will understand and give you the space you need. One that not easily takes things personally like "you don't trust me". If you feel not trusted rather then saying "I don't trust you (like I heard over and over again, feeling it was all me) say "I don't feel like I can trust you, it's not you though, can you help me".

Easier said then done, especially when, like in every relation, tensions arrive. 

It's like finding the right balance between what you need, what you feel save sharing in the moment, stepping out saying "I need to be alone right now, you didn't do anything wrong, it's me", and coming back later to talk when you feel more at ease.

Sometimes it's best, if you have trust issues, to seek professional help. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It means you're trying to find a better emotional balance in you. And the right partner will support you in that without putting down expectations.

Yes and I do understand what you're saying. nonetheless I am not going to get into every detail of every relationship I've ever had or anything like that but each one makes the next one more difficult and all that.

ultimately right beliefs and how I try to live my life all signs indicate that I am not in God's will my challenge today lies and accepting what I believe to be true. but I believe to be true is that certainly right now like possibly forever I'm not meant to be in a healthy loving relationship. I cannot say just right now because that allows me to continue to have hope for the next one and when the next one comes,.. see where I'm going? I have to believe it's not meant to be,there is no other way.

So this new belief finally I mean four years roughly really just adds and complexity problem I've had it for quite some time I don't even know why I'm talking about this here actually but I am. truly hoping to hear some new theory or opinion or something that I haven't already explored or tried there is something causing this I am the only consistent thing so it must therefore reside in me somewhere it's as far as I can go with it though it's because of it being consistent without exception it's very hard and to label it with things that are specific does that makes any sense I don't know it does to me I just don't know if I communicated it properly nonetheless thank you for your input and do appreciate it all input thoughts that are presented to me. that is why I put this out there it is for those and I thank you

@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,

you don't have to go into details. Just say you need space at times and need to withdraw at times. And sharing what you need, ask for help, and daring to be vulnerable at times and share how you feel, is all.